43 is too old for a baby, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This time last year I would have said 100% yes, go for it.

But then two separate friends (age 42, birthed Aug 2021 and 43 birthed Oct 2021) gave birth to babies with Down Syndrome. The fact that I have 2 friends who both gave birth to these babies with Down Syndrome is crazy to me.

One has older kids and the other is a first time mom after a 14 year marriage to a guy who didn't want kids.

NP - did they not do NT scans and early genetic screens? That is highly suspicious to me as a 42 year old soon to be giving birth. By 12 weeks I had two all clears on that front.

[Anonymous]

OP are your first 3 still youngish? I'm 45 with an 18 yo and 14 yo, so yes 43 would have been too old for me. If I had a 6 and 4 yo I may feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have three and can’t help but want another. We won’t be going for it, so here is my plan: focus on the fun big kid stuff I/we can do bc no baby in tow. Ski trips! Daylong outing to museums/zoo. Fit in a regular hotel room with rollaway! Etc.

I am not even sure I want another - I think I am just mourning an end to the baby years, and the end of that era comes for everyone eventually.

This is me exactly!!

[Anonymous]

I am 41 and have two in ES. Recently I have been really craving another baby. But I am peri menopausal and had IF both times I did get pregnant… so I know this is just part of the natural grieving process of entering the next stage of my life. Sigh. My husband would be thrilled, however.

[Anonymous]

I think many of us feel this way as our kids get older and we start to realize we are hitting the end of our childbearing years. I often crave another baby even though I have three, my husband is on board with it but when I really start to think of the reasons why I want a 4th, I realize it’s mostly because I’m sad I won’t ever have a baby again or that thrill of meeting a new life I created and carried. These are feelings id likely have again after I had a 4th. So my answer is always stick to 3, and enjoy the next phase of life with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women have healthy kids at this age but the fact that your DH is not on board is a huge strike against. And there's no way to guarantee you'd have a healthy pregnancy. Despite your history (which does weight in favor of a straightforward pregnancy with minimal complications) you and your fetus will both be considered high risk. Are you prepared to terminate if early tests indicate high chance of a genetic abnormality, for instance? It sounds like your DH would be but you maybe wouldn't, which is a huge problem for both of you.

If you had no children or just one and were thinking of this as your "last chance", I might give other advice. But you have three kids. Your husband does not want more. It might be time to let go of your baby years. We all have to do it eventually! It's hard but universal -- at some point, you will have no more children.

Birth defects.
Older women are more likely to have a baby with a chromosome disorder such as Down syndrome. If you are age 25, the chance of Down syndrome is about 1 in 1,250. If you are age 35, the risk increases to 1 in 400. By age 45, it is 1 in 30. WebMD.

[Anonymous]

I would never intentionally plan a pregnancy in my 40s - the odds of carrying a pregnancy to term are rather low, there is a significantly higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities, disorders such as autism, which cannot be detected in utero, and a higher risk of complications for the mother.

But... I'm accidentally pregnant at 41! So clearly I'm not in the vasectomy/contraception camp either...

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is too old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This time last year I would have said 100% yes, go for it.

But then two separate friends (age 42, birthed Aug 2021 and 43 birthed Oct 2021) gave birth to babies with Down Syndrome. The fact that I have 2 friends who both gave birth to these babies with Down Syndrome is crazy to me.

One has older kids and the other is a first time mom after a 14 year marriage to a guy who didn't want kids.

NP - did they not do NT scans and early genetic screens? That is highly suspicious to me as a 42 year old soon to be giving birth. By 12 weeks I had two all clears on that front.

Why does this make you suspicious? Not everyone chooses to abort their babies with Down syndrome.

[Anonymous]

I know a few women who had a healthy 4th+ baby at 45-48. So it’s possible.

[Anonymous]

Your healthy kids can always become not healthy in the blink of an eye. Mom of a incurable-type I diabetic diagnosed at age 8. No family history, just random.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This time last year I would have said 100% yes, go for it.

But then two separate friends (age 42, birthed Aug 2021 and 43 birthed Oct 2021) gave birth to babies with Down Syndrome. The fact that I have 2 friends who both gave birth to these babies with Down Syndrome is crazy to me.

One has older kids and the other is a first time mom after a 14 year marriage to a guy who didn't want kids.

NP - did they not do NT scans and early genetic screens? That is highly suspicious to me as a 42 year old soon to be giving birth. By 12 weeks I had two all clears on that front.

Wow. Do you really think everyone aborts when they get a Down Syndrome diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women who had a healthy 4th+ baby at 45-48. So it’s possible.

I had two kids after the age 40. Both healthy and happy here ten years later. That said, not sure I’d put myself through ttc in my 40s if I had multiple kids already. It was a difficult journey, trying every single month, getting hopes up just to have them dashed again. More than one m/c as well.

[Anonymous]

If you had an only or no children, I’d say try. With three, I say get a dog.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think the issue is age. I adopted a baby at 48. But if your husband doesnt think he could handle a special needs child is huge. It is seriously life changing and has the potential for destroying your retirement plans and potentially the enjoyment of the family you have.