43 is too old for a baby, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

43 is not too old, but your husband is a hard no, end of the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really want another child this bad, adopt one.

That only works when the spouse is on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

Are you nucking futs? I had DD at 44, one and done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

These two things should stop you. Three is plenty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

Are you nucking futs? I had DD at 44, one and done!

DP. We had twins in our mid-40s. But we both wanted children and both wanted more than one (and we didn't want to wait any longer). The key is that we were both completely 100% on board and it was our first (and only) children.

I agree that OP's case is a hard no. Not because she is too old, but because her husband is not on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

Are you nucking futs? I had DD at 44, one and done!

DP. We had twins in our mid-40s. But we both wanted children and both wanted more than one (and we didn't want to wait any longer). The key is that we were both completely 100% on board and it was our first (and only) children.

I agree that OP's case is a hard no. Not because she is too old, but because her husband is not on board.

I'm all for people trying for a first or even second in their early or even mid-40's, but why tempt fate for a fourth?!

[Anonymous]

No always wins
Op, you're being selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

yes too old, risk too high, and you have three already. don't.

[Anonymous]

I had a child at 43, I had been trying very hard to have her, she is my second baby. She is my pride and joy, I adore her to pieces. However, she is also twice exceptional (well she would have been anyways at any age since it runs in the family) and I am going through perimenopause. Let me tell you, it is not pretty. It is a lot of work. I wish I had more energy for her. I am working out and have received medical help to go over my awful perimenopausal symptoms.

Not everyone is the same, I am just sharing what I am going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the tests

Note that an amino tests for far more than Down Syndrome. See a genetic counselor and fully educate yourself on the risks.

[Anonymous]

As several posters have said, it's important to consider how you will feel on the other side of 18 years. Really, more like 22 years. I know many active 62-66-year-olds who are full of energy, but I think I'd be exhausted if I were still in the "active" parenting years at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As several posters have said, it's important to consider how you will feel on the other side of 18 years. Really, more like 22 years. I know many active 62-66-year-olds who are full of energy, but I think I'd be exhausted if I were still in the "active" parenting years at that age.

What "active" parenting do you do for a teen-to-22 yo? Drive them to activities? Talk to them? Help with school? None of this is particularly "active". It's not like they fall on the floor in the store and need to be carried to the car, or fight car seat and diaper changes. It certainly requires mental energy, but truth be told, I am a lot smarter and self aware in my 50s than I was in my 20s-30s. But maybe I am missing something active?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As several posters have said, it's important to consider how you will feel on the other side of 18 years. Really, more like 22 years. I know many active 62-66-year-olds who are full of energy, but I think I'd be exhausted if I were still in the "active" parenting years at that age.

What "active" parenting do you do for a teen-to-22 yo? Drive them to activities? Talk to them? Help with school? None of this is particularly "active". It's not like they fall on the floor in the store and need to be carried to the car, or fight car seat and diaper changes. It certainly requires mental energy, but truth be told, I am a lot smarter and self aware in my 50s than I was in my 20s-30s. But maybe I am missing something active?

Do you have kids that age? I'm asking without snark. I'm the same age (sort of, 55), and my youngest just turned 16. He still expected me to practice hs sports with him like the others, and there was (DL now) a lot of driving around, among other things. It is tiring, not least because some of the "newness" of it has worn off but you certainly don't want it to seem like you're any less excited for the 853rd hockey game than you were for the first 3. Or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As several posters have said, it's important to consider how you will feel on the other side of 18 years. Really, more like 22 years. I know many active 62-66-year-olds who are full of energy, but I think I'd be exhausted if I were still in the "active" parenting years at that age.

What "active" parenting do you do for a teen-to-22 yo? Drive them to activities? Talk to them? Help with school? None of this is particularly "active". It's not like they fall on the floor in the store and need to be carried to the car, or fight car seat and diaper changes. It certainly requires mental energy, but truth be told, I am a lot smarter and self aware in my 50s than I was in my 20s-30s. But maybe I am missing something active?

Do you have kids that age? I'm asking without snark. I'm the same age (sort of, 55), and my youngest just turned 16. He still expected me to practice hs sports with him like the others, and there was (DL now) a lot of driving around, among other things. It is tiring, not least because some of the "newness" of it has worn off but you certainly don't want it to seem like you're any less excited for the 853rd hockey game than you were for the first 3. Or whatever.

I have a 5 yo at 50. I think the difference is if you already have raised 2-3 kids, and at 50 smth you're on 3rd or 4th, then yes, I can see how one is tired and all. I have only one and don't find it tiring, in fact, it's a joy to rediscover things through his eyes, everything is a first rodeo.

[Anonymous]

I had baby at 44- surprise after years of trying. Had 2 already with no problem
First, I’m now much more concerned with global Issues and environmental so for me, now I’m firm believer in smaller families. Just in general - but of course third was my miracle.
my third felt like a completion in my life- I really wanted a third.
I had a flawless pregnancy and am same in terms of health energy as two others. I am actually in best shape I’ve been in. Only problem health wise is a bad knee- which started running in the teens so been bad long time.
Now I’m 50 and all great/ my 17 year old probably would consider our 7 year old to be the best part of his life! Actually having hard time getting him to consider out of state college due to leaving his brother. P

Only thing that is negative- is I do start to think about retirement. And that seems to be really pushed back now potentially. I’m not tired - not worn out- just feel like insurance coverage and college - all things with long life span! So as my friends start to talk of next phase- moving to this place and next- empty nest soon- sometimes it seems a bit like our path is much longer.
That’s it.

Now my husband was also not on board- which wasn’t really fair of me. But he’s great. It does keep you young.