Breastfeeding Struggles Not Getting Easier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have tried absolutely everything, and at this point, I, as an outsider with no skin in this game, would peg your chances of making this work at <5%. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? Absolutely not.

I've said this before on this board - Every single person I know who got breastfeeding to work got it to work by six weeks. Many of them struggled with multiple issues, as you have. But several people I know kept trying and trying to get it to work for months - and every one of them looks back at this time and regrets trying for so long. So I would strongly advise you to wean to formula now.

I will also add from my own experience - one of my babies did not like nursing. Getting her to latch was okay at first, but then she'd pull off before she was done, get frustrated, cry, still be hungry, and I'd be basically wrestling with her trying to get her to take a full meal. When you're a nursing mom of a newborn, nursing is a huge percentage of the time you spend with your baby, and having it be a struggle and frustrating for both of you, just kinda sucks.

But once I gave up and went with an alternative system (for me it was keeping some pumping, and feeding a mix of formula and pumped milk) and gave up on things working well with nursing or that my baby would only get breast milk, there was a short grieving period (literally like 2 hours? I cried). And then a HUGE sense of relief. And all of a sudden - I was enjoying my baby. And my baby was enjoying me. Right now, you're both miserable. Grieve your loss and wean to formula.

OP, these are really wise words.

[Anonymous]

I know we're all supposed to feel like it's natural but sometimes it doesn't work.That's why wet nurses existed.

Your baby loves you

[Anonymous]

I think you should start supplementing heavily again, and if the ratio of breastmilk to formula goes down, so be it. You’ve tried your best and have NOTHING to feel guilty about. All you can do is try, right? If Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate it’s not your fault! Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel strongly about breast feeding, then I'd recommend a mind shift. Feed 10 minutes at the breast and then give him a bottle at each feeding. Feel happy that you are continuing to breast feed and you are supported by the backstop of formula. Or, just torpedo it completely and formula feed! I pumped + supplemented for 12 weeks with my DS1 as breastfeeding never worked (would not recommend this -- pumping is miserable). With my second, I have been breastfeeding 8 months and supplement in the evening when my supply drops. In the evening i always breastfeed and then give the bottle. It is kind of the best of both worlds. I feel like he goes to bed with a full tummy and I'm contributing a little. All we can do is the give it our best and be thankful that formula is super advanced and can handle the rest. Even if that means giving it up to formula entirely! We can't discount the mental health component to this.

OP here. Wouldn’t 10 minutes decrease my supply more? I know you’re trying to be helpful and I don’t want to come across as knocking all the ideas down, but wouldn’t that cause more issues? Nursing already takes 20-45 minutes because he will get frustrated and then cry and I have to get him latch again multiple times. We don’t supplement for every feed. I normally supplement for bedtime and overnight so I can get some sleep while my husband feeds him. I can try every feed if you think that might help.

Not the PP, but I'd do it for however many minutes you think empties your breast whether that's 5 or 10 or 15 or 20. When it feels empty and you can no longer express more than a tiny bit of milk with your hand, then switch over to the bottle. Taking it down to empty is what stimulates your supply, but there's no real benefit in keeping him on if you're at empty.

Not OP but I was told nursing after empty stimulates your body to make more milk and can increase milk supply.

It does, but it's also wear and tear on the nipple and it seems like OP's having a tough time latching so she might have a hard time keeping him on when he's not getting any milk. So it didn't seem like the right advice for this particular situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should start supplementing heavily again, and if the ratio of breastmilk to formula goes down, so be it. You’ve tried your best and have NOTHING to feel guilty about. All you can do is try, right? If Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate it’s not your fault! Best of luck.

This. OP, all you can do is play the cards you're dealt. Sometimes our best efforts don't give us the results we hoped for. You have given your baby the benefit of breastmilk in the most important weeks, and you can keep giving your baby the benefits of breastfeeding while also ensuring adequate calories. That's good! It's more than good enough. In motherhood we have to accept the bodies we have, and the outcomes we have, and it's really hard sometimes but we don't always have a choice.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to be working soon, or are you SAHP?

Pumping is such a slog that I gave it up when my leave was over, although many women keep at it easily. If you're feeling as though the pumping effort isn't worth the reward, I would be inclined to definitely let it go, especially before adding work back into the mix.

You've worked really hard and your baby got the benefits of BF at the most crucial time. It is definitely OK to mourn (or not!) what you hoped BFing would be. I had a tough time too and really beat myself up over it. Seven years later, I wish I'd been easier on myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My situation was so similar with my first. It was awful and soul-sucking and physically painful. I could.not let breast-feeding go, and I should have - for myself, for my sanity, for my sleep schedule, for my marriage, for my enjoyment with my baby. If you can let yourself let it go, your child will be fine. When the kiddo is 5, heck even 2!, you will never know which children were formula fed and which were breastfed when you look at all the toddlers at daycare. You tried your best, and it isn't working. See if you can let it go.

Did I write this? I mourn the time I lost chained to that damn pump, reading lactation tips, driving to LCs, etc. I could have spent that time cuddling my sweet newborn. I was too stubborn and I will always be sorry.

[Anonymous]

This book was super helpful for me ... https://kellymom.com/product/breastfeeding-mothers-guide-making-milk. The first child, I did all the things but just didn't realize there was trouble till it was hard to make up for lost time. Settled on feeding, pumping post-feeding, and supplementing right after pumping. Could ease up on the pumping once more foods were introduced. Weaned 2.5 years. The second time around, knowing I had low supply the first time, I took it easy in the first few weeks (despite feeling so good postpartum ... I knew that derailed me the first time around as I was too active). Pumped post-feeding for a while to be sure I boosted my supply as much as possible. All worked out with no supplementing needed and quit the extra post-feeding pumping. Weaned same age-ish. So just know that it can be different the next time around. And any amount you give is beneficial ... and the longer (even if a reduced amount; supplementing needed) is still better than quitting before age 2. But you have to balance that with your state of mind / needs / unique support situation as well. Best wishes! Moms are mighty

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP-- just know that whether breastfeeding works out the way you want it to or not does not determine your worth or success as a mother. This sounds like a stressful situation for you and probably for your baby, too. You're a good mom whether you breastfeed, switch entirely to formula, or do a combination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going on week 9 and the breastfeeding struggles have continued. It started out as a slight tongue and bad latch and low supply. We were able to correct his tongue tie but that still has not helped much. I was hopeful that it would correct the issues, but he’s still a very slow eater and often gets frustrated at the breast. We have been to 5 lactation consultants and two specialists who tell me nothing is wrong after the initial tongue and I just have to wait and it will get easier as he gets older. I’m struggling with low supply and that adds to the stress. I have tried so many things - diet, supplements, nursing all day/night, triple feeding, pumping, etc., and nothing has increased my supply to be able to exclusively breastfeed. I even cut out supplementing when we corrected the tongue tie but he lost too much weight and I realized my low supply was not from him improperly latching. I’m fine with having to supplement, but the fact that nursing is so hard has been making it more stressful and tempting to just give in and switch formula. I still want to make breastfeeding work. I’ve had so many people tell that it won’t get better if it’s hasn’t at this point, and others tell me it didn’t get easy until their baby was 4 months old and to give it more time. I worry that 4 months will come and I will be in the same position and mad that I put myself and my baby through all this, but I hold out hope that it will get easier and all of this stress and time will be worth it. I need encouragement and some unbiased opinions.

Why are you torturing yourself? STOP! You have gone above the call of duty and done your best to nurse. The best thing is for your baby to be fed and for you to be comfortable and not stressed. You tried and it didn't work out and it is not the end of the world. Use formula and relax and enjoy your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going on week 9 and the breastfeeding struggles have continued. It started out as a slight tongue and bad latch and low supply. We were able to correct his tongue tie but that still has not helped much. I was hopeful that it would correct the issues, but he’s still a very slow eater and often gets frustrated at the breast. We have been to 5 lactation consultants and two specialists who tell me nothing is wrong after the initial tongue and I just have to wait and it will get easier as he gets older. I’m struggling with low supply and that adds to the stress. I have tried so many things - diet, supplements, nursing all day/night, triple feeding, pumping, etc., and nothing has increased my supply to be able to exclusively breastfeed. I even cut out supplementing when we corrected the tongue tie but he lost too much weight and I realized my low supply was not from him improperly latching. I’m fine with having to supplement, but the fact that nursing is so hard has been making it more stressful and tempting to just give in and switch formula. I still want to make breastfeeding work. I’ve had so many people tell that it won’t get better if it’s hasn’t at this point, and others tell me it didn’t get easy until their baby was 4 months old and to give it more time. I worry that 4 months will come and I will be in the same position and mad that I put myself and my baby through all this, but I hold out hope that it will get easier and all of this stress and time will be worth it. I need encouragement and some unbiased opinions.

Why are you torturing yourself? STOP! You have gone above the call of duty and done your best to nurse. The best thing is for your baby to be fed and for you to be comfortable and not stressed. You tried and it didn't work out and it is not the end of the world. Use formula and relax and enjoy your baby.

+1. This time with your baby is very fleeting. If this is causing stress and detracting from your enjoyment of your baby, I would stop and switch to formula. You tried and have nothing to feel guilty about. I didn’t BF my first as long as I had planned, but was much more successful with my second who nursed for 3 years.