Breastfeeding Struggles Not Getting Easier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any family support? Maybe they can take over everything while you focus on breastfeeding?

OP here. Yes I do. My husband had been the most amazing and wonderful husband and father. He is a huge support system and took 4 weeks off of work. He would make all of my meals, do all the diaper changes, wash all the pump parts and bottles, took over cleaning, and took over doing all of the cooking and grocery shopping. He is back at work but still helps out as much as he can when he isn’t working and still cooks all of my meals. My MIL has been a big help and she comes over often to help cook, clean, and take care of the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me so I just accepted supplementing with nursing it was a nice balance no biggie. With my second I now have a ton of supply and it’s kind of a drag since I don’t get that formula break.

OP here. I don’t mind supplementing. The issue is nursing + my low supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may not be what you want to hear but this is my experience. Nursing never worked for me. I had similar issues and my baby seemed to hate nursing. I switched to pumping at 8 weeks and went until 6 months. I then used my freezer stash and formula to get him to a year. It was a lot of work but I super focused on him having breastmilk for 6 months. I don’t regret it but I know there are many moms who do and wish they switched to formula.

The good thing is each baby is different. My second baby took to breastfeeding easily. We do supplement at bedtime but it has been a completely different experience than my first. I will say I don’t think I would have pumped has breastfeeding not worked with this baby either. I would have switched to formula without any guilt.

OP here. I have considered pumping but I’m not sure if it’s worth it. I’m glad it worked for you but it seems like extra work with little reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My situation was so similar with my first. It was awful and soul-sucking and physically painful. I could.not let breast-feeding go, and I should have - for myself, for my sanity, for my sleep schedule, for my marriage, for my enjoyment with my baby. If you can let yourself let it go, your child will be fine. When the kiddo is 5, heck even 2!, you will never know which children were formula fed and which were breastfed when you look at all the toddlers at daycare. You tried your best, and it isn't working. See if you can let it go.

Me too...I wish I had stopped. Rather than having regrets about not breast feeding...I have regrets that he might not have been getting enough nutrition and sleep at a crucial time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going on week 9 and the breastfeeding struggles have continued. It started out as a slight tongue and bad latch and low supply. We were able to correct his tongue tie but that still has not helped much. I was hopeful that it would correct the issues, but he’s still a very slow eater and often gets frustrated at the breast. We have been to 5 lactation consultants and two specialists who tell me nothing is wrong after the initial tongue and I just have to wait and it will get easier as he gets older. I’m struggling with low supply and that adds to the stress. I have tried so many things - diet, supplements, nursing all day/night, triple feeding, pumping, etc., and nothing has increased my supply to be able to exclusively breastfeed. I even cut out supplementing when we corrected the tongue tie but he lost too much weight and I realized my low supply was not from him improperly latching. I’m fine with having to supplement, but the fact that nursing is so hard has been making it more stressful and tempting to just give in and switch formula. I still want to make breastfeeding work. I’ve had so many people tell that it won’t get better if it’s hasn’t at this point, and others tell me it didn’t get easy until their baby was 4 months old and to give it more time. I worry that 4 months will come and I will be in the same position and mad that I put myself and my baby through all this, but I hold out hope that it will get easier and all of this stress and time will be worth it. I need encouragement and some unbiased opinions.

Hi, here's what helped most w my supply: drinking a large (32 oz) glass of plain water first thing in the morning before eating any food. If I skipped the water, or drank that amount of water later, after eating or in the day, my supply would be less. It's like drinking a big glass of water and then having a bigger pee than typical. Breastfeeding requires more water and more food for your body to be able to make the milk.

It's ok if you want to add formula. You are not a failure. Your body is not failing you. Caring for an infant is a huge transition, and you are doing a great job of paying attention to your baby and paying attention to yourself, and asking questions along the way.

Best wishes to you and your family!

OP here. I will try this. I drink a lot of water throughout the day but never thought of drinking a certain amount before eating anything. I make sure to drink water throughout the day and when I’m nursing or pumping. I have been eating very well thanks to my husband and my MIL. I think I’m just one of those women that will have low supply no matter what I do. One of the lactation consultants said some women have low supply for no reason and no amount of nursing, supplements, or food/water intake will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel strongly about breast feeding, then I'd recommend a mind shift. Feed 10 minutes at the breast and then give him a bottle at each feeding. Feel happy that you are continuing to breast feed and you are supported by the backstop of formula. Or, just torpedo it completely and formula feed! I pumped + supplemented for 12 weeks with my DS1 as breastfeeding never worked (would not recommend this -- pumping is miserable). With my second, I have been breastfeeding 8 months and supplement in the evening when my supply drops. In the evening i always breastfeed and then give the bottle. It is kind of the best of both worlds. I feel like he goes to bed with a full tummy and I'm contributing a little. All we can do is the give it our best and be thankful that formula is super advanced and can handle the rest. Even if that means giving it up to formula entirely! We can't discount the mental health component to this.

OP here. Wouldn’t 10 minutes decrease my supply more? I know you’re trying to be helpful and I don’t want to come across as knocking all the ideas down, but wouldn’t that cause more issues? Nursing already takes 20-45 minutes because he will get frustrated and then cry and I have to get him latch again multiple times. We don’t supplement for every feed. I normally supplement for bedtime and overnight so I can get some sleep while my husband feeds him. I can try every feed if you think that might help.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you tried really hard, transferred the vast majority of the benefits and I think you should combo feed or do exclusively formula and don’t look back.

[Anonymous]

OP, some people just have low supply. If you have low supply and your baby isn't effective at transferring, it's really hard. You cannot give what you don't have, it's as simple as that. Meet his calorie needs first and foremost. Supplementing doesn't mean he won't get many benefits from breastfeeding! It's okay, really. Most people of our generation had formula, right? It's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My situation was so similar with my first. It was awful and soul-sucking and physically painful. I could.not let breast-feeding go, and I should have - for myself, for my sanity, for my sleep schedule, for my marriage, for my enjoyment with my baby. If you can let yourself let it go, your child will be fine. When the kiddo is 5, heck even 2!, you will never know which children were formula fed and which were breastfed when you look at all the toddlers at daycare. You tried your best, and it isn't working. See if you can let it go.

Me too...I wish I had stopped. Rather than having regrets about not breast feeding...I have regrets that he might not have been getting enough nutrition and sleep at a crucial time.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel strongly about breast feeding, then I'd recommend a mind shift. Feed 10 minutes at the breast and then give him a bottle at each feeding. Feel happy that you are continuing to breast feed and you are supported by the backstop of formula. Or, just torpedo it completely and formula feed! I pumped + supplemented for 12 weeks with my DS1 as breastfeeding never worked (would not recommend this -- pumping is miserable). With my second, I have been breastfeeding 8 months and supplement in the evening when my supply drops. In the evening i always breastfeed and then give the bottle. It is kind of the best of both worlds. I feel like he goes to bed with a full tummy and I'm contributing a little. All we can do is the give it our best and be thankful that formula is super advanced and can handle the rest. Even if that means giving it up to formula entirely! We can't discount the mental health component to this.

OP here. Wouldn’t 10 minutes decrease my supply more? I know you’re trying to be helpful and I don’t want to come across as knocking all the ideas down, but wouldn’t that cause more issues? Nursing already takes 20-45 minutes because he will get frustrated and then cry and I have to get him latch again multiple times. We don’t supplement for every feed. I normally supplement for bedtime and overnight so I can get some sleep while my husband feeds him. I can try every feed if you think that might help.

Not the PP, but I'd do it for however many minutes you think empties your breast whether that's 5 or 10 or 15 or 20. When it feels empty and you can no longer express more than a tiny bit of milk with your hand, then switch over to the bottle. Taking it down to empty is what stimulates your supply, but there's no real benefit in keeping him on if you're at empty.

[Anonymous]

I had the exact same situation but my baby didn’t not have a tongue tie. No amount of lactation consultant visits or specialists helped. He just did not like nursing. He did nurse but it would only be for 15 minutes max and then he was done. He was often still hungry because I did not make enough milk. My low supply was likely due to him not nursing for very long but I didn’t want to have to force him to nurse or pump just to get a little more breast milk. I had to supplement because of weight issues. I was worried at first about him rejecting the breast entirely after bottle feeding but it didn’t happen. He still doesn’t like the breast that much at 4 months but he is a more efficient nurser and only needs about 10 minutes to eat. I feel like supplementing takes the stress and pressure away. I know that is eating enough and I don’t have to worry about him rejecting bottles and formula if I ever decide to switch or my supply drops when I go back to work. My husband was able to feed him and that made things even easier for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel strongly about breast feeding, then I'd recommend a mind shift. Feed 10 minutes at the breast and then give him a bottle at each feeding. Feel happy that you are continuing to breast feed and you are supported by the backstop of formula. Or, just torpedo it completely and formula feed! I pumped + supplemented for 12 weeks with my DS1 as breastfeeding never worked (would not recommend this -- pumping is miserable). With my second, I have been breastfeeding 8 months and supplement in the evening when my supply drops. In the evening i always breastfeed and then give the bottle. It is kind of the best of both worlds. I feel like he goes to bed with a full tummy and I'm contributing a little. All we can do is the give it our best and be thankful that formula is super advanced and can handle the rest. Even if that means giving it up to formula entirely! We can't discount the mental health component to this.

OP here. Wouldn’t 10 minutes decrease my supply more? I know you’re trying to be helpful and I don’t want to come across as knocking all the ideas down, but wouldn’t that cause more issues? Nursing already takes 20-45 minutes because he will get frustrated and then cry and I have to get him latch again multiple times. We don’t supplement for every feed. I normally supplement for bedtime and overnight so I can get some sleep while my husband feeds him. I can try every feed if you think that might help.

Not the PP, but I'd do it for however many minutes you think empties your breast whether that's 5 or 10 or 15 or 20. When it feels empty and you can no longer express more than a tiny bit of milk with your hand, then switch over to the bottle. Taking it down to empty is what stimulates your supply, but there's no real benefit in keeping him on if you're at empty.

Not OP but I was told nursing after empty stimulates your body to make more milk and can increase milk supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel strongly about breast feeding, then I'd recommend a mind shift. Feed 10 minutes at the breast and then give him a bottle at each feeding. Feel happy that you are continuing to breast feed and you are supported by the backstop of formula. Or, just torpedo it completely and formula feed! I pumped + supplemented for 12 weeks with my DS1 as breastfeeding never worked (would not recommend this -- pumping is miserable). With my second, I have been breastfeeding 8 months and supplement in the evening when my supply drops. In the evening i always breastfeed and then give the bottle. It is kind of the best of both worlds. I feel like he goes to bed with a full tummy and I'm contributing a little. All we can do is the give it our best and be thankful that formula is super advanced and can handle the rest. Even if that means giving it up to formula entirely! We can't discount the mental health component to this.

OP here. Wouldn’t 10 minutes decrease my supply more? I know you’re trying to be helpful and I don’t want to come across as knocking all the ideas down, but wouldn’t that cause more issues? Nursing already takes 20-45 minutes because he will get frustrated and then cry and I have to get him latch again multiple times. We don’t supplement for every feed. I normally supplement for bedtime and overnight so I can get some sleep while my husband feeds him. I can try every feed if you think that might help.

Not the PP, but I'd do it for however many minutes you think empties your breast whether that's 5 or 10 or 15 or 20. When it feels empty and you can no longer express more than a tiny bit of milk with your hand, then switch over to the bottle. Taking it down to empty is what stimulates your supply, but there's no real benefit in keeping him on if you're at empty.

+1 Yes, I am the PP and this person stated it more clearly than I did. Emptying the breast is the point. Also, as for the frustration/ fussiness -- I had some latch issues in the beginning with my second and my pediatrician recommended giving the bottle FIRST, but just for a couple minutes, to take the edge off the baby's hunger so he was more patient at the breast. I did this for a few days and it worked perfectly for me; i saw an improvement and stopped offering a bottle first. Your baby's latch issues might run deeper so maybe this isn't a solution but it is easy enough to try and see if there's any improvement, if you feel inclined to continue trying to breastfeed.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar experience with my first. Trying to make nursing work was very difficult between a bad supply and poor milk transfer. I got really sick at one point and needed antibiotics, and that was basically the intervention I needed. I exclusively pumped after that, because I couldn't nurse for 10 days, and then supplemented the difference. Had I done it again, I would have just gone to formula.

With my second, nursing was much easier. The two things that seemed to help with my supply most was drinking a gallon+ of water every day (I'd make sure I refilled my 32oz bottle every 6 hours) and keeping up a middle of the night pumping session even after baby was sleeping through the night (I would NOT go out of my way to do this though)

[Anonymous]

I think you have tried absolutely everything, and at this point, I, as an outsider with no skin in this game, would peg your chances of making this work at <5%. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? Absolutely not.

I've said this before on this board - Every single person I know who got breastfeeding to work got it to work by six weeks. Many of them struggled with multiple issues, as you have. But several people I know kept trying and trying to get it to work for months - and every one of them looks back at this time and regrets trying for so long. So I would strongly advise you to wean to formula now.

I will also add from my own experience - one of my babies did not like nursing. Getting her to latch was okay at first, but then she'd pull off before she was done, get frustrated, cry, still be hungry, and I'd be basically wrestling with her trying to get her to take a full meal. When you're a nursing mom of a newborn, nursing is a huge percentage of the time you spend with your baby, and having it be a struggle and frustrating for both of you, just kinda sucks.

But once I gave up and went with an alternative system (for me it was keeping some pumping, and feeding a mix of formula and pumped milk) and gave up on things working well with nursing or that my baby would only get breast milk, there was a short grieving period (literally like 2 hours? I cried). And then a HUGE sense of relief. And all of a sudden - I was enjoying my baby. And my baby was enjoying me. Right now, you're both miserable. Grieve your loss and wean to formula.