Post breakup contact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am going through something a lot like this, down to taking the “high road” wishing her well and all that, and then being enraged by the mixed signals she was giving me like pushing me away but still seeking me out for emotional support. We are both women.
I had to stop contact because of the same reason as you. I could not and still cannot contact her and keep my senses. I felt that same “drawn and quartered” feeling.
If and when I feel that I can contact her and be really truly ok no matter what she says, no matter what is going on in her life, whether she is in a relationship with someone else or not, that is when I will reach out. It has been a few months, but I know that day is not here today, and it won’t be tomorrow or probably for a long time, and I had better focus on other things and keep moving forward. That would be my advice to you.

Are you the lesbian couple who your partner left you for a limerent affair?

Nope that was not me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it ended after 13 years, regardless of reason, just let him go. Move on and stop wondering if he’ll reach out. Focus on yourself and finding happiness within. You don’t need him.

I am in so much pain. I am still crying and it’s five months later.

Do you have a therapist who can help you process this and move one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it ended after 13 years, regardless of reason, just let him go. Move on and stop wondering if he’ll reach out. Focus on yourself and finding happiness within. You don’t need him.

I am in so much pain. I am still crying and it’s five months later.

Do you have a therapist who can help you process this and move one?

I don't think anyone who wasn't there can say what happened or what the relationship was like. Who cares what someone listening to my filtered one-side version thinks? It was about the interaction not just my side of it.

[Anonymous]

I think I am afraid to let go, afraid all those years are now meaningless, afraid to be alone with shallower connections. I cannot really explain except to say that life with him was centered and real and without him seems like an illusion.

I left the therapist I hired after about 2.5 months who wasn't helping, and asked for a referral to a CBT person to help me just stop thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Be honest OP. You want the D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest OP. You want the D.

? What is wrong with you? When you love and miss someone, you miss all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest OP. You want the D.

No one cries over D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be honest OP. You want the D.

No one cries over D.

Shhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... You've never had good D then.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you want closure of some sort. I've mostly thought that closure was hogwash until recently. I've had conversations with two exes and they were enlightening to say the least. Those relationships both ended over 20 years ago. I found that giving a whooooooole lot of space and time enabled us to look at this with less of an emotional lens. I'm not saying to wait 20 years to talk to him, but your emotions are clearly still sky high. Talking to him at this point won't do any good unless you want to reconcile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like you want closure of some sort. I've mostly thought that closure was hogwash until recently. I've had conversations with two exes and they were enlightening to say the least. Those relationships both ended over 20 years ago. I found that giving a whooooooole lot of space and time enabled us to look at this with less of an emotional lens. I'm not saying to wait 20 years to talk to him, but your emotions are clearly still sky high. Talking to him at this point won't do any good unless you want to reconcile.

I’ve never asked anyone for closure ever. I don’t want to as if it’s just going to be a favor, feels pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks OP should talk to him? Five months isn’t long at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like you want closure of some sort. I've mostly thought that closure was hogwash until recently. I've had conversations with two exes and they were enlightening to say the least. Those relationships both ended over 20 years ago. I found that giving a whooooooole lot of space and time enabled us to look at this with less of an emotional lens. I'm not saying to wait 20 years to talk to him, but your emotions are clearly still sky high. Talking to him at this point won't do any good unless you want to reconcile.

I’ve never asked anyone for closure ever. I don’t want to as if it’s just going to be a favor, feels pathetic.

DP here (upthread lesbian) and if that’s how you’re feeling, the don’t do it, at least not now. There might be nothing he could say or do that would really give you closure. Maybe after a lot of time has passed, yes, but by then, you will likely already have given yourself the closure you needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP should talk to him? Five months isn’t long at all.

Really? I feel like he is going to look at me like I have three beards, like it’s so far in the past, like this is so unpleasant and unwanted.

[Anonymous]

^three heads lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP should talk to him? Five months isn’t long at all.

I agree. Just reach out. You have nothing to lose. Update us on how it goes.