How common is it for young adults to receive life changing amounts of money from family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ethan Allen daughter here. I think I am a little bitter but less so than years ago. My elderly mother is the sole parent left. In her younger years when she was still working and I was getting married she always cried poor but then two months later she'd have brand new EA furniture. Or have a carpenter come in to build custom cabinetry to house all her crystal and fine china collection. When we were getting married i asked her if she could help pay for the food at the hall. We had a 100 people at the wedding but the hall was a church hall. She looked askance and said "you know I'm poor". Then she'd turn around and buy more furniture three months later. It just bothered me. I was asking her to cover 4k worth of catering. We were not having caviar. My hubby and I were paying honeymoon etc. We ended up paying for everything except dress. I can't remember what dress cost but witj alteratons veil Etc it was about 600. I think had she really been poor it would have been ok. For example my mother in law was a Catholic school teacher who had been widowed for years so we didn't want her to cover anything. Although she wanted to pay for rehearsal dinner. We agreed to her offer and split it with her.

Furniture lasts a lot longer than a dinner. You mom was smart! You sound entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very uncommon. You can look at stats on wealth in the US. Most people literally can't afford to do it.

That said, if your parents could have done so but didn't, your friends parents probably did.

Especially when 1/2 of Americans live paycheck to paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Yes when my one friend sold their $1.2M house that I thought was their forever home for a $2M house, she let it slip that her DH has a huge trust fund that kicked in when he hit 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family paid for my college education, so I certainly received life changing amounts of money in that sense. But I'm curious about how common it is for young adults, post-college to receive significant amounts of money from their family. When I was in my mid-twenties it seemed like I had a number of friends who had better houses and so forth than their jobs would seem to support. It was none of my business, so I didn't ask - but either they were better at saving and finding deals than I was, they went a lot further into debt, and/or they got money from their families.

My parents probably had enough money to where they could've subsidized my lifestyle, but that's not really the family ethos. Raise the kids and educate them, after that it's up to them. I'm in my 50s now, so it doesn't really matter. Just curious. At this point there's no real way of telling where personal finances end and family money begins.

It depends on how much is "life changing amount" and whether as a gift or inheritance? We are in 50s and plan to give our 20-something college educated kids about 250k each as a gift. They will get more after we die but they will hae to wait for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family paid for my college education, so I certainly received life changing amounts of money in that sense. But I'm curious about how common it is for young adults, post-college to receive significant amounts of money from their family. When I was in my mid-twenties it seemed like I had a number of friends who had better houses and so forth than their jobs would seem to support. It was none of my business, so I didn't ask - but either they were better at saving and finding deals than I was, they went a lot further into debt, and/or they got money from their families.

My parents probably had enough money to where they could've subsidized my lifestyle, but that's not really the family ethos. Raise the kids and educate them, after that it's up to them. I'm in my 50s now, so it doesn't really matter. Just curious. At this point there's no real way of telling where personal finances end and family money begins.

It depends on how much is "life changing amount" and whether as a gift or inheritance? We are in 50s and plan to give our 20-something college educated kids about 250k each as a gift. They will get more after we die but they will hae to wait for that.

OP - I guess I was thinking gifts not inheritances. I suppose "life changing" depends on your life, but I was trying to exclude a few bucks here and there. Call it $10,000 on the low end.

[Anonymous]

My mom, Greatest Generation and raised during the Depression, considered having classic furniture, china and crystal, owning your home, and being a millionaire “making it”. You never get over being without and possessions are insurance against that.

[Anonymous]

Not common. Very few people. Most people (including me) start with nothing and/or a ton of student loan debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ethan Allen daughter here. I think I am a little bitter but less so than years ago. My elderly mother is the sole parent left. In her younger years when she was still working and I was getting married she always cried poor but then two months later she'd have brand new EA furniture. Or have a carpenter come in to build custom cabinetry to house all her crystal and fine china collection. When we were getting married i asked her if she could help pay for the food at the hall. We had a 100 people at the wedding but the hall was a church hall. She looked askance and said "you know I'm poor". Then she'd turn around and buy more furniture three months later. It just bothered me. I was asking her to cover 4k worth of catering. We were not having caviar. My hubby and I were paying honeymoon etc. We ended up paying for everything except dress. I can't remember what dress cost but witj alteratons veil Etc it was about 600. I think had she really been poor it would have been ok. For example my mother in law was a Catholic school teacher who had been widowed for years so we didn't want her to cover anything. Although she wanted to pay for rehearsal dinner. We agreed to her offer and split it with her.

Furniture lasts a lot longer than a dinner. You mom was smart! You sound entitled.

+1. You are entitled. No one has to pay $4000 for a party. You want a wedding? Pay for it. Furniture lasts.

[Anonymous]

4k for wedding catering is good. That's 40/head. I think it is nice fir parents to help out with wedding expenses esp for younger couples in their 20s. Older people or second marriages? No.

[Anonymous]

What counts as "life changing?" My parents gave me 5K to help get a down payment on a house. It changed my life.

My dad died, and I inherited around 100K. Definitely life changing to me, although certainly not something I would prefer to get.

[Anonymous]

My IL got huge sums of money over their whole life. 200k from my FIL aunt, 150k from my MIL mom. DH grandpa was sending them every Christmas 20k. All of their family was solid middle class.
Unfortunately my ILs are terrible with money. They wasted all of this on expensive remodeling and furniture, trips to Paris and our wedding.
I always thought they were wealthy, and to my surprise they don’t even have a paid off house, it was refinanced zillion times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ethan Allen daughter here. I think I am a little bitter but less so than years ago. My elderly mother is the sole parent left. In her younger years when she was still working and I was getting married she always cried poor but then two months later she'd have brand new EA furniture. Or have a carpenter come in to build custom cabinetry to house all her crystal and fine china collection. When we were getting married i asked her if she could help pay for the food at the hall. We had a 100 people at the wedding but the hall was a church hall. She looked askance and said "you know I'm poor". Then she'd turn around and buy more furniture three months later. It just bothered me. I was asking her to cover 4k worth of catering. We were not having caviar. My hubby and I were paying honeymoon etc. We ended up paying for everything except dress. I can't remember what dress cost but witj alteratons veil Etc it was about 600. I think had she really been poor it would have been ok. For example my mother in law was a Catholic school teacher who had been widowed for years so we didn't want her to cover anything. Although she wanted to pay for rehearsal dinner. We agreed to her offer and split it with her.

Your mom sounds like a selfish boomer, but how long have you been carrying this grudge? And are you one to turn around and say others feel entitled to money that isn't theirs?

I wouldn’t help pay for a wedding either. We find the. To be a ridiculous waste of money but if that’s how our kids want to spend theirs, they are free to do so. It’s not selfish not to want to waste your money even to pay for things your kid wants.

[Anonymous]

The occurance of this would more or less equal the percentage of families at a certain level of wealth, say top 10% or maybe 5%, right? I mean not every family would pass down for various reasons but roughly that would be "how common"

[Anonymous]

My parents annually gift me the max allowed without tax implications ($30k this year) and have been doing that for at least 15 years. They also paid for my college. The college money was more life changing than the annual gifts. For instance, being debt free influenced job choices. The annual money I kind of try to assume won’t happen and then, when it does, I actually don’t do anything with it. So it’s all been invested. My husband and I each make over $100k and our family of four lives off our salaries. Some day the money will be life changing again (help pay for children’s college, or enable us to retire sooner or something) but in terms of annual decisions (where to live, what to buy etc) I feel strongly that we make choices we can afford with our salaries.

[Anonymous]

We are in our 30s (no longer young adult I guess) I’m sure people wonder about us. We are the youngest on our block and have an expensive home despite being a fed and sahm couple. It is family money. On both sides. We know how privileged we are and make frequent large donations. But family money very much subsidizes our life and others in our bubble. This is life changing because otherwise no way could we afford me staying at home, private for both children, our lovely home, our vacations, etc. My kids already have their trust funds set up as well so the wealth will continue to be passed on. We take the responsibility seriously to prepare them for it.