How common is it for young adults to receive life changing amounts of money from family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you are curious now. Like you, I was curious about that in my 20s. I lived in shared group houses while others bought expensive houses in the city. If they weren't lawyers, I assumed family money. Now I am near 50 and have realized my own dreams, and not really worried about how others got their money. In my family, it was you are on your own. Lots of pride in it.

I was curious then too. I just didn't have a forum like this to ask questions to satisfy my idle curiosity. Just occurred to me that this was a forum that might have experiences with such things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very common in the top upper class, but not common for others. So if you think this is very common, you live in a bubble.

I consider the gift of post high school education a life changing sum of money. Based on what I read on DCUM and what I see in my personal life, at least in the DC area it is not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t give you a precise answer but our trust is set up so that if we die while the kids are in college, school is paid for. After that they don’t get anything until about 35 and then again at 40 or 45. I think the split was 30/70.

I’d rethink this and give money sooner before 35. What if they want to marry? Or buy a house before kids or even be able to afford kids? Dh and I waited for kids. We wanted to save money and buy a house. But then we needed infertility treatments. Money earlier would have made a huge difference. It wouldn’t have changed our career trajectories though.

It's a good problem to have, but I can definitely appreciate the balancing act. You want to do what you can to make their lives better, but you question whether they are best served by the financial resources or by some skills, drive, resilience, and appreciation they maybe develop without those resources immediately available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Nearly 50 too and have one remaining elderly parent left. My parents and even husband's parents never gifted us any money. My parents were comfortable middle class and I was the only daughter. They never even laid for my modest wedding. Although mom did but my dress. We had a modest wedding but had to take out a small Lian to help pay. BC we got married young at 23 and didn't have anything. My mom always cried poor even though she was surrounded by her Ethan Allen furniture and dozen plus crystal candlesticks. I do greatly appreciate the fact that my parents paid for college (in state and I also graduated in 3 years). For my own young adult children I want to make things easier for them than for me. I paid for school although my daughter was a supersenior fir one extra semester so I did have her take out 15k for that one semester. She had failed several classes and waffled on her major which is why she went extra long. She has her own working world job now and is just getting ready to move out. (She graduated a year ago). We have told her we will pay her security deposit and half the move. We never charged her to live at home. We will pay for their wedding but it can't be a crazy extravagant affair so I think we'll give them a flat amount and let them decide. I want to give them some money (75%) for when they put their first downpayment on home. And when they have kids I want to fund a small monthly 529. Oh, we did buy our kids a car (honda civic basic) as seniors in college. I guess my kids will be spoiled compared to me. But I have no intention of signing their rental leases or being on their mortgage. Their first home will no doubt be a modest home. That's normal. In my 20s I had a lot of friends I worked with who bought bigger and better than me, even though we were earning the same. At the time I remember being a little green with envy, if I'm honest. But I wasn't born into parents like that.

Are you bitter because your parents had furniture?
My parents did not pay for my wedding either, but I figured if I was grown enough to be married then I was grown enough to pay for it.
My parents were hard working social servants and I was more than grateful for what they did for me financially and emotionally as their support and encourage meant and love did more for me than a monetary gift ever could.

[Anonymous]

Ethan Allen daughter here. I think I am a little bitter but less so than years ago. My elderly mother is the sole parent left. In her younger years when she was still working and I was getting married she always cried poor but then two months later she'd have brand new EA furniture. Or have a carpenter come in to build custom cabinetry to house all her crystal and fine china collection. When we were getting married i asked her if she could help pay for the food at the hall. We had a 100 people at the wedding but the hall was a church hall. She looked askance and said "you know I'm poor". Then she'd turn around and buy more furniture three months later. It just bothered me. I was asking her to cover 4k worth of catering. We were not having caviar. My hubby and I were paying honeymoon etc. We ended up paying for everything except dress. I can't remember what dress cost but witj alteratons veil Etc it was about 600. I think had she really been poor it would have been ok. For example my mother in law was a Catholic school teacher who had been widowed for years so we didn't want her to cover anything. Although she wanted to pay for rehearsal dinner. We agreed to her offer and split it with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ethan Allen daughter here. I think I am a little bitter but less so than years ago. My elderly mother is the sole parent left. In her younger years when she was still working and I was getting married she always cried poor but then two months later she'd have brand new EA furniture. Or have a carpenter come in to build custom cabinetry to house all her crystal and fine china collection. When we were getting married i asked her if she could help pay for the food at the hall. We had a 100 people at the wedding but the hall was a church hall. She looked askance and said "you know I'm poor". Then she'd turn around and buy more furniture three months later. It just bothered me. I was asking her to cover 4k worth of catering. We were not having caviar. My hubby and I were paying honeymoon etc. We ended up paying for everything except dress. I can't remember what dress cost but witj alteratons veil Etc it was about 600. I think had she really been poor it would have been ok. For example my mother in law was a Catholic school teacher who had been widowed for years so we didn't want her to cover anything. Although she wanted to pay for rehearsal dinner. We agreed to her offer and split it with her.

Your mom sounds like a selfish boomer, but how long have you been carrying this grudge? And are you one to turn around and say others feel entitled to money that isn't theirs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very common in the top upper class, but not common for others. So if you think this is very common, you live in a bubble.

I consider the gift of post high school education a life changing sum of money. Based on what I read on DCUM and what I see in my personal life, at least in the DC area it is not uncommon.

It’s not that common. You live in a bubble. DCUM is definitely a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ethan Allen daughter here. I think I am a little bitter but less so than years ago. My elderly mother is the sole parent left. In her younger years when she was still working and I was getting married she always cried poor but then two months later she'd have brand new EA furniture. Or have a carpenter come in to build custom cabinetry to house all her crystal and fine china collection. When we were getting married i asked her if she could help pay for the food at the hall. We had a 100 people at the wedding but the hall was a church hall. She looked askance and said "you know I'm poor". Then she'd turn around and buy more furniture three months later. It just bothered me. I was asking her to cover 4k worth of catering. We were not having caviar. My hubby and I were paying honeymoon etc. We ended up paying for everything except dress. I can't remember what dress cost but witj alteratons veil Etc it was about 600. I think had she really been poor it would have been ok. For example my mother in law was a Catholic school teacher who had been widowed for years so we didn't want her to cover anything. Although she wanted to pay for rehearsal dinner. We agreed to her offer and split it with her.

You sound immature and selfish. 23 years old and you feel entitled to having your parents pay for your wedding. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

i would say in my circle it is unusual. the most i know of happening is parents buying an adult kid a car after college.

the wealthiest family i know as a close friend, their child that is married wants to do it all on their own without help from parents, so, i am sure things have been offered, but declined.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my college, but I also had a ton of scholarships and went to an in-state public so it wasn’t a massive sum of money. My husband’s parents also paid for his college, and he did go to a private college and it was fairly pricey. Other than that, no we haven’t received a lot of money from them. Paying for college was great though.

I do know a fair number of people in this area whose parents have given them a good amount of money toward a down payment on their first home. Anywhere between $50k-$100k. When added to the DP money the couple has already saved, it’s significant. It means more equity in the home and then that equity can roll over to the purchase price of a larger, more expensive home in a few years. Especially for those who could buy their first home after the market crash from about 2009-2012 when prices were really low. We know a dual-fed couple making about $220k HHI, divided relatively equally, in a $1.4 million home even with child care expenses, because of exactly this situation.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it is geographical/ regional, as well as cultural.

[Anonymous]

It's very uncommon. You can look at stats on wealth in the US. Most people literally can't afford to do it.

That said, if your parents could have done so but didn't, your friends parents probably did.

[Anonymous]

If DH and I die today, our 15-25 year olds will be shocked to have about $3M each. I hope they'd prefer to have us! at least the 15 year old . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends if their grandparents died. Parents become generous once they inherit or grandparents leave money to grandkids.

I used to think like you and I was raised not getting anything. But that’s not the way the rich get richer. In your 20s you have the most need for money that you’ll ever have. And it’s life changing in your 20s. You could have graduated without debt, gone to grad school, bought a house instead of paying rent, got married sooner, been able to have kids earlier (Dh and I waited 8 years to save up). I inherited 500k in my late 30s. Nothing changed. My big decisions were already over. If I have millions that my kids will inherit, I will give yearly to them versus just giving it to them when they’re in their 70s and don’t need it.

I am surprised by how many of my peers inherited a lot in their 20s. I’m nearing 40. One grandmother just died in covid. The other is very much still alive. My parents aren’t even retirement age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends if their grandparents died. Parents become generous once they inherit or grandparents leave money to grandkids.

I used to think like you and I was raised not getting anything. But that’s not the way the rich get richer. In your 20s you have the most need for money that you’ll ever have. And it’s life changing in your 20s. You could have graduated without debt, gone to grad school, bought a house instead of paying rent, got married sooner, been able to have kids earlier (Dh and I waited 8 years to save up). I inherited 500k in my late 30s. Nothing changed. My big decisions were already over. If I have millions that my kids will inherit, I will give yearly to them versus just giving it to them when they’re in their 70s and don’t need it.

I am surprised by how many of my peers inherited a lot in their 20s. I’m nearing 40. One grandmother just died in covid. The other is very much still alive. My parents aren’t even retirement age.

I think you were just lucky or your grandparents/parents were younger when they had your parents/you. My last grandparent died when I was 35, and she was old. 94. One was gone 18 years before I was born, another died when I was 8 and the other when I was 13. My husband’s last grandparent died when he was 24. None of them were particularly young when they died with the exception of my grandfather who died before I was born, but he was an alcoholic. Between us we had 3 grandparents in their 90s at death. We are 39/41 now. Our parents are on the older end, particularly for their generation, they are 71, 75, 76, and 79.