Should we switch to a live-in nanny?

[Anonymous]

OP, it is very unusual for a live in nanny to not have a kitchen and living room of their own. I can't really see how a grown adult woman would want to hang in her bedroom all the time. I would think the basement would have to become her's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't sound like a "nightmare." I would accept a position like this if a mini fridge, coffeemaker and microwave was included in my space, with still being able to use the kitchen whenever I wanted. And of course a competitive hourly wage with OT, on the books, paid vacation, PTO, holidays off and set hours. I don't go out much at all, more of an introvert, so I could see this being appealing to some.

New poster here.

The part that sounds like a "nightmare" to me is that I think OP has unrealistic expectations of how day to day living will be.
On the one hand, one of OP's main reasons for wanting the nanny to live in is that the nanny's exposure to Covid will be lower--but OP can't expect the nanny to just stay home all the time. The nanny will still want to visit with family and friends, maybe go to the gym (yes I know OP said they have a home gym, but if nanny likes to take a specific class, use the indoor pool, etc.) or maybe take a college class in the evenings.

On the other hand, OP also says that she and her husband are introverts and really don't want someone "in their space."

To me it sounds like OP's expectation is that the nanny will just stay in the basement bedroom during non working hours--it will be awkward and uncomfortable for the nanny to be "in their space" like the kitchen and living room, and going out will expose nanny to Covid.

[Anonymous]

Where’s the laundry room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is very unusual for a live in nanny to not have a kitchen and living room of their own. I can't really see how a grown adult woman would want to hang in her bedroom all the time. I would think the basement would have to become her's.

Not true. The usual setup is the nanny has a bedroom and her own bathroom with full access to the kitchen and laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your living situation doesn’t sound appealing, OP.

We have a wonderful live-in nanny who lives in our guest house with her teen daughter. It’s a full little house (kitchen, laundry, separate gated entrance so we don’t see her coming or going and the guesthouse is in the pool fence so unless we’re swimming, the kids can’t even knock on her door). It’s worked for five years.

Yea, OP. Just put your nanny in your guest house on the other side of your pool. What's the problem?

Barf.

[Anonymous]

You will hate having a live-in, OP. I am an introvert and it would drive me nuts to have another adult other than my spouse and kids in my house in the evening and weekends. You never get a break from each other. Many nannies also have need their privacy and downtime away from the sights and sounds of their workplace (your home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is very unusual for a live in nanny to not have a kitchen and living room of their own. I can't really see how a grown adult woman would want to hang in her bedroom all the time. I would think the basement would have to become her's.

Not true. The usual setup is the nanny has a bedroom and her own bathroom with full access to the kitchen and laundry.

Yep. I laughed when I read that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your living situation doesn’t sound appealing, OP.

We have a wonderful live-in nanny who lives in our guest house with her teen daughter. It’s a full little house (kitchen, laundry, separate gated entrance so we don’t see her coming or going and the guesthouse is in the pool fence so unless we’re swimming, the kids can’t even knock on her door). It’s worked for five years.

Yea, OP. Just put your nanny in your guest house on the other side of your pool. What's the problem?

Barf.

Sounds like an ideal setup for a single mom with an older child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will hate having a live-in, OP. I am an introvert and it would drive me nuts to have another adult other than my spouse and kids in my house in the evening and weekends. You never get a break from each other. Many nannies also have need their privacy and downtime away from the sights and sounds of their workplace (your home).

Disagree. I was very happy as a live-in professional nanny as long as I had a private bathroom, and my pay was fair. No discounts for living in. I appreciated not having to drive to work every day. I did, however, go back to my condominium on the weekends.

Key is finding the right introverted nanny. It can definitely be a win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will hate having a live-in, OP. I am an introvert and it would drive me nuts to have another adult other than my spouse and kids in my house in the evening and weekends. You never get a break from each other. Many nannies also have need their privacy and downtime away from the sights and sounds of their workplace (your home).

Disagree. I was very happy as a live-in professional nanny as long as I had a private bathroom, and my pay was fair. No discounts for living in. I appreciated not having to drive to work every day. I did, however, go back to my condominium on the weekends.

Key is finding the right introverted nanny. It can definitely be a win-win.

That would not work for OP. She needs the nanny to live there the whole week. I think having the expectation that the nanny ive the whole week in the basement would be claustrophobic. Even introverts need to have natural light and a window to look out of in their living quarters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will hate having a live-in, OP. I am an introvert and it would drive me nuts to have another adult other than my spouse and kids in my house in the evening and weekends. You never get a break from each other. Many nannies also have need their privacy and downtime away from the sights and sounds of their workplace (your home).

Disagree. I was very happy as a live-in professional nanny as long as I had a private bathroom, and my pay was fair. No discounts for living in. I appreciated not having to drive to work every day. I did, however, go back to my condominium on the weekends.

Key is finding the right introverted nanny. It can definitely be a win-win.

That would not work for OP. She needs the nanny to live there the whole week. I think having the expectation that the nanny ive the whole week in the basement would be claustrophobic. Even introverts need to have natural light and a window to look out of in their living quarters.

At night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will hate having a live-in, OP. I am an introvert and it would drive me nuts to have another adult other than my spouse and kids in my house in the evening and weekends. You never get a break from each other. Many nannies also have need their privacy and downtime away from the sights and sounds of their workplace (your home).

Disagree. I was very happy as a live-in professional nanny as long as I had a private bathroom, and my pay was fair. No discounts for living in. I appreciated not having to drive to work every day. I did, however, go back to my condominium on the weekends.

Key is finding the right introverted nanny. It can definitely be a win-win.

That would not work for OP. She needs the nanny to live there the whole week. I think having the expectation that the nanny ive the whole week in the basement would be claustrophobic. Even introverts need to have natural light and a window to look out of in their living quarters.

At night?

During the times when she is in the basement, day or night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your living situation doesn’t sound appealing, OP.

We have a wonderful live-in nanny who lives in our guest house with her teen daughter. It’s a full little house (kitchen, laundry, separate gated entrance so we don’t see her coming or going and the guesthouse is in the pool fence so unless we’re swimming, the kids can’t even knock on her door). It’s worked for five years.

Yea, OP. Just put your nanny in your guest house on the other side of your pool. What's the problem?

Barf.

Wow! So jealous, PP! Wealthy people with guest houses and pool houses exist. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. No your hypothetical nanny doesn’t need their own kitchen. I know a LOT of very middle class (smaller homes) families with live-in nannies (not in DC) and none of them have a separate space. Advertise for what you have and see if someone wants it. Free market, people.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it doesn’t sound quite right for a live-in, OP. You just need to tweak how you hire and manage the new nanny to make sure your Covid sensibilities and bad weather coverage are both dealt with. Write that stuff into the contract with the new person and keep your basement the way it is (and I am SURE it’s a nice basement- the way these people are talking about it like a dungeon is ridiculous… you wouldn’t even have considered a live in if it weren’t!) and give lots of extra cuddles to that toddler when the new baby comes. Read Megan Leahy (parent coach) about how to address their needs. And don’t freak out- kids have survived much worse. It is what it is.