If you don't enjoy family, in laws, give me your best tips for the holidays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nuclear family only vacations

This exactly - it's worth the extra cost of traveling during peak times

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I give zero energy to my ILs and focus on our young children. They easily take up 200% of my energy! I play games with them, read books with them, clean up toys with them.

This is me.

Same. Except they run me completely ragged. They are all over my inlaws tiny house, I'm picking up nonstop because there's no place to put toys or hang coats even. They're always wanting drinks (we bring cups because inlaws only have glass and my kids broke several last time! ugh), snacks. It's SO damn exhausting. After Thanksgiving I felt like I needed a week's vacation.

Kinda jealous of the woman knitting or the woman sitting in a coffee shop. I hand embroider but it's hard to even imagine having time for something like that at inlaws. Kids are just 10x worse there and sleep worse than at home.

So my tips: sleeping pills help me sleep and not toss and turn on bad mattresses and sheets, bringing snacks and food for the kids to tide them over when there's no lunch (they like a big breakfast and big dinner, my kids like big lunch) that I keep in my room.

Question:

These are all great ideas, but if the goal is to go somewhere and then just not be there - physically or mentally or emotionally- why go at all?

The goal isn't to "not be there" AT ALL. The goal is to balance being there and then also GETTING A DAMN BREAK from people who live life differently than you do. So if Mama Nancy wants to watch Fox News all day, I need to spend the morning at the cafe so I don't go insane, but then maybe I'm fortified to get through the afternoon propaganda machine with a smile on my face. So you are there, and there is quality time, but spending every minute focused on visiting and making memories can be exhausting.

Oh we have to endure 24/7 of Fox News too. I don’t even care that my parents have different opinions, I care that they are constantly trying to convert family, friends, and strangers alike to their worldview. I don’t bring up politics bc (1) it’s divisive and (2) there are more interesting things to discuss over the holidays. But dang it just wouldn’t be Christmas without bringing up the crisis at the border and CRT 97 times in 48 hours.

[Anonymous]

If traveling stay at a hotel and always have an agreed upon excuse to leave. Kids must be in on it.

Make a list of safe topics and stick to them. When crazy political rant MIL goes off-change the subject or go use the bathroom.

Have a list of excuses to leave or excuses to leave the room at least if your spouse doesn't want to leave event. Is there a dog? go pet it. Are there kids who need to be supervised? Do that? If you go to the bathroom enough you could say you seem to be having digestive issues and use that as an excuse to leave. Migraines work well...you could be excused to a dark room and go meditate.

[Anonymous]

When my parents visit, I keep them busy from morning to night. EVERYTHING is planned out, from meals to activities.

It's easy to keep them moving since they are in their 60s. My mother would love to sit around and 'chat', no thanks, let's go have 'fun'.

Most recently we had a gingerbread making competition. I turned the TV offer, had some snacks and beverages out, everyone had a nice time and everyone was between 25 and 65.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dreading seeing family! Give me your best tips?

Well, there is a pandemic with two variants ramping up. I think this is all you need.

[Anonymous]

I try to stay in the kitchen and proactively volunteer for every run to the store.

[Anonymous]

Can you take your DC for walks?

How about drives in the early evening to “see the lights?”

Do your ILs insist upon being included in every activity? If so, simply invite them to go along with you.

My own mom expects to have any and all guests chat with her 24/7 during waking hours. We’ve had to start planning various activities that she can do (or not) like watching a Christmas movie and/or other cousins go out shopping or on a walk.

We left one evening (my own DC plus one GC) to check out a local drive thru light show and a tradition was begun!

By any chance do you need to “work?” I bring my laptop and sometimes find a quiet room to “complete training” but really I take five minutes to read through emails then surf the net!

[Anonymous]

And I should say invite your ILs and they’ll likely not want to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wine

I wish this could be me but anything more than one glass and it's, "oh my! Going for more. I didn't know you were planning on getting drunk tonight!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wine

I wish this could be me but anything more than one glass and it's, "oh my! Going for more. I didn't know you were planning on getting drunk tonight!"

Purse wine in the bathroom. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wine

My MiL once asked my husband if I have an alcohol problem. I don’t drink often at all, but I have a drink with lunch and a few with dinner every time we see the in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I give zero energy to my ILs and focus on our young children. They easily take up 200% of my energy! I play games with them, read books with them, clean up toys with them.

This is me.

Same. Except they run me completely ragged. They are all over my inlaws tiny house, I'm picking up nonstop because there's no place to put toys or hang coats even. They're always wanting drinks (we bring cups because inlaws only have glass and my kids broke several last time! ugh), snacks. It's SO damn exhausting. After Thanksgiving I felt like I needed a week's vacation.

Kinda jealous of the woman knitting or the woman sitting in a coffee shop. I hand embroider but it's hard to even imagine having time for something like that at inlaws. Kids are just 10x worse there and sleep worse than at home.

So my tips: sleeping pills help me sleep and not toss and turn on bad mattresses and sheets, bringing snacks and food for the kids to tide them over when there's no lunch (they like a big breakfast and big dinner, my kids like big lunch) that I keep in my room.

Question:

These are all great ideas, but if the goal is to go somewhere and then just not be there - physically or mentally or emotionally- why go at all?

Inlaws don't care at all about their DIL. They want to see their son and grandchildren. Although I will say that when men disappear, no one bats and eye. But women are questioned when they disappear because that means they aren't helping cook/clean/corral kids.

+1 million this is so true. With my IL’s it’s 90% my husband they want to see and like 10% the kids. Since I’m mom, I’m just the child minder, and I have to be extremely on top of the kids at all times because none of the other adults there (IL’s, SIL and BIL, and another BIL) aren’t going to lift a finger to help.

Why should they? They are your kids.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a complete narcissist. I cope by drinking from start to finish and my favorite DCUM phrase, grey-rocking! She is the absolute worst, lives locally, and I dread spending any time with her and her bump-on-a-log husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give zero energy to my ILs and focus on our young children. They easily take up 200% of my energy! I play games with them, read books with them, clean up toys with them.

This is me.

Same. Except they run me completely ragged. They are all over my inlaws tiny house, I'm picking up nonstop because there's no place to put toys or hang coats even. They're always wanting drinks (we bring cups because inlaws only have glass and my kids broke several last time! ugh), snacks. It's SO damn exhausting. After Thanksgiving I felt like I needed a week's vacation.

Kinda jealous of the woman knitting or the woman sitting in a coffee shop. I hand embroider but it's hard to even imagine having time for something like that at inlaws. Kids are just 10x worse there and sleep worse than at home.

So my tips: sleeping pills help me sleep and not toss and turn on bad mattresses and sheets, bringing snacks and food for the kids to tide them over when there's no lunch (they like a big breakfast and big dinner, my kids like big lunch) that I keep in my room.

Question:

These are all great ideas, but if the goal is to go somewhere and then just not be there - physically or mentally or emotionally- why go at all?

Inlaws don't care at all about their DIL. They want to see their son and grandchildren. Although I will say that when men disappear, no one bats and eye. But women are questioned when they disappear because that means they aren't helping cook/clean/corral kids.

+1 million this is so true. With my IL’s it’s 90% my husband they want to see and like 10% the kids. Since I’m mom, I’m just the child minder, and I have to be extremely on top of the kids at all times because none of the other adults there (IL’s, SIL and BIL, and another BIL) aren’t going to lift a finger to help.

Why should they? They are your kids.

And why should pp use her money/vacation time to solo parent her kids in a strange home with rude in-laws who are not interested in spending time with her? Just opt out.

[Anonymous]

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