If you don't enjoy family, in laws, give me your best tips for the holidays?

[Anonymous]

I am dreading seeing family! Give me your best tips?

[Anonymous]

Life is short, minimize the amount of time you spend doing things you don't like. If you can't think of a way to make it fun - an activity, that one sibling you really get along with, sitting out on a heated patio and chatting, whatever... seriously, minimize the time, even if it means you drive separately (assuming you are local).

Also be comfortable in your clothes and skin. Stuffy clothes on top of uncomfortable relationships - no go.

[Anonymous]

Agree with making yourself comfortable. My visits to my ILs got a bit better when I invested in some really cozy long underwear (they live in a very cold locale) and I always bring a couple of my favorite cozy sweaters and a big blanket scarf, plus house slippers. Being physically comfortable is big.

I also took up crochet to deal with awkwardness there. I'm terrible and rarely get anywhere with it, but it gives me something to focus on and I find it kind of relaxing. Also, a thing my ILs love to do is just sit around the living room watching cable news and talking about neighbors and old friends and other people I don't know. I hate it, but there are few other places to go. So I often crochet right through it. I'll also excuse myself for a nap but you can do that, max, once a day before people start asking if you are sick or pregnant.

Another thing I do is pick out a couple local destinations when I visit that I genuinely look forward to. One is a local restaurant and the other a bakery/coffee shop. If one of them doesn't make my husband's schedule, I'll just excuse myself to go to one or the other and take my laptop, claiming work (which I usually do have some of but I often don't even bother to work -- it's just to get a break).

[Anonymous]

I stopped seeing them.

[Anonymous]

Wait long enough and they’ll die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with making yourself comfortable. My visits to my ILs got a bit better when I invested in some really cozy long underwear (they live in a very cold locale) and I always bring a couple of my favorite cozy sweaters and a big blanket scarf, plus house slippers. Being physically comfortable is big.

I also took up crochet to deal with awkwardness there. I'm terrible and rarely get anywhere with it, but it gives me something to focus on and I find it kind of relaxing. Also, a thing my ILs love to do is just sit around the living room watching cable news and talking about neighbors and old friends and other people I don't know. I hate it, but there are few other places to go. So I often crochet right through it. I'll also excuse myself for a nap but you can do that, max, once a day before people start asking if you are sick or pregnant.

Another thing I do is pick out a couple local destinations when I visit that I genuinely look forward to. One is a local restaurant and the other a bakery/coffee shop. If one of them doesn't make my husband's schedule, I'll just excuse myself to go to one or the other and take my laptop, claiming work (which I usually do have some of but I often don't even bother to work -- it's just to get a break).

I love this idea!

[Anonymous]

My family is really difficult. Short of physically getting away from these folks, as a PP wisely suggested, you can propose a low-key activity like a board game, puzzle, or Christmas movie. Sure, you may still have to listen to someone annoyingly yammer about their Scrabble score, but I find the activity is often more tolerable than sitting around and talking. You can also say you’re going for a run but instead walk down the street for a cigarette. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

My ILs are coming to stay at our house for a few days, I'm dealing with it by getting the house super clean and organized before their arrival. A dirty and messy house really stresses me out, so at least I'll have that taken care of and I'll have fewer stressors.

[Anonymous]

I spend minimal time with them.
When with them, I spend more time with the dog, the kids, etc.
I play mental Bingo, so that I will look forward to them doing the things that'd otherwise drive me crazy (comment on my weight, on how much I drink, that we're over-careful about Covid, that we're stingy, that our kids will be behind bc we don't allow them to be on screens ignoring everyone at family events, etc.)

Luckily DH feels similarly so we're on the same page about how much time we spend with them.

[Anonymous]

Comfy clothes, yummy snacks, favorite wine. Emergency xanax stash as backup for daytime hours.

[Anonymous]

Buy tickets to some special holiday events for in laws to go to with the kids. It’s a good break and kids get special grandparent time

[Anonymous]

Wine, fun activities, like the PP suggested knitting etc or bake some cookies, take a book, walk the dog, go for a walk.

Also find time for activities outside the house. Enjoy the nice food. Find a great game to play on your phone, find a nice movie to watch. Make hot chocolate. Take a puzzle.

Really just find small things you will enjoy. I don't enjoy the actual company which is sad but you can't change that.

[Anonymous]

I give zero energy to my ILs and focus on our young children. They easily take up 200% of my energy! I play games with them, read books with them, clean up toys with them.

[Anonymous]

Take up walking/running as your New Year’s Resolution. Pretend you have a training program that you listen to/follow so that you have to have earbuds in and can’t have company.

Better yet, take up swimming, and find a local pool and go there for a few hours.

Get out of the house as much as possible, with or without the full crew: a light show, playground, mall-walk and hit up the after-Christmas sales, craft fair or farmer’s market or cider at the orchard, movie, ANYTHING that gets you or a group of you out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with making yourself comfortable. My visits to my ILs got a bit better when I invested in some really cozy long underwear (they live in a very cold locale) and I always bring a couple of my favorite cozy sweaters and a big blanket scarf, plus house slippers. Being physically comfortable is big.

I also took up crochet to deal with awkwardness there. I'm terrible and rarely get anywhere with it, but it gives me something to focus on and I find it kind of relaxing. Also, a thing my ILs love to do is just sit around the living room watching cable news and talking about neighbors and old friends and other people I don't know. I hate it, but there are few other places to go. So I often crochet right through it. I'll also excuse myself for a nap but you can do that, max, once a day before people start asking if you are sick or pregnant.

Another thing I do is pick out a couple local destinations when I visit that I genuinely look forward to. One is a local restaurant and the other a bakery/coffee shop. If one of them doesn't make my husband's schedule, I'll just excuse myself to go to one or the other and take my laptop, claiming work (which I usually do have some of but I often don't even bother to work -- it's just to get a break).

I love this idea!

These are great ideas!