Tweens at nicer restaurants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My then 7-year-old thought the pasta at Chez Panisse was “too shiny.” But she is always well behaved in public even if she is making me nuts.

Feed her before you go next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only child here. This is one of the best perks of being an only child! I was always the only kid in a sea of adults at restaurants, movies, plays, concerts, etc. Now as an adult, I always feel a special bond with the random only children I spot at these events.

I love that we can do this with our only child, as well.

I'm not sure why you both think this is an only child thing? We have brought our two tweens/teens to nice restaurants and the theater since they were around 8/10 and they've always been very well behaved and are active participants in our conversations.

It's just more common for families with an only child. That's awesome that you can do this with your kids, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine! It's great having a kid who doesn't just want to go to Panera! Enjoy!

+1

HAHAHAHA this is true! It is fine, OP - your tween isn't going to run around, scream and be disruptive while people get their one date night in two years, for example.

Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think the vast majority of kids without SN (and many with them) should be fine to do this by age 10, but possibly much earlier. I guess the issue is side-eye from other patrons even with a "perfectly behaved child," but I'd assume that much less likely after the age of 8 or so.

With the caveat that "perfectly well-behaved" at a place like this does not include a phone or a tablet, even with headphones. Even though adults don't always follow this, and even though, if you have to do it because you must attend something at a fancy place and have a very young and/or SN kid with you, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I don't think the OP's 13 yo would "require" a tablet, but I could see parents doing this with a 9 yo, and it's distracting and should be avoided.

Not really sure why you had to throw special needs kids in here. Weird and telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think the vast majority of kids without SN (and many with them) should be fine to do this by age 10, but possibly much earlier. I guess the issue is side-eye from other patrons even with a "perfectly behaved child," but I'd assume that much less likely after the age of 8 or so.

With the caveat that "perfectly well-behaved" at a place like this does not include a phone or a tablet, even with headphones. Even though adults don't always follow this, and even though, if you have to do it because you must attend something at a fancy place and have a very young and/or SN kid with you, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I don't think the OP's 13 yo would "require" a tablet, but I could see parents doing this with a 9 yo, and it's distracting and should be avoided.

How are the silent activities of someone at another table distracting to you?

And what are you concentrating on that you are being distracted from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are the silent activities of someone at another table distracting to you?

Are you kidding? No devices, OP - I thought that went without saying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell, I've taken my kids to nice restaurants since they were four years old. Of course it's okay! Anyone is welcome at any restaurant as long as they can behave appropriately.

Same!

[Anonymous]

Of course. My now 14 yo has been to many great restaurants in DC. She loves The Dabney, Tail Up Goat, Bourbon Steak, and any Jose Andres restaurant. She still talks about the first time she went to the Dabney, didn't like her entree, and stole my swordfish. She was nine at the time.

[Anonymous]

With their parents? Not an issue.

Group of tweens with parents? Annoying.

[Anonymous]

We take our 10 and 12 yo everywhere, including high end restaurants. They need to learn manners early in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

For kids at high end restaurants, I'd say only if well behaved, they are practiced at talking quietly, AND if you go on the early side. It does stink to get dressed up, hire a sitter, and head out for that rate special date with your spouse to rekindle romance, only to be seated next to a table with kids, no matter how well behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think the vast majority of kids without SN (and many with them) should be fine to do this by age 10, but possibly much earlier. I guess the issue is side-eye from other patrons even with a "perfectly behaved child," but I'd assume that much less likely after the age of 8 or so.

With the caveat that "perfectly well-behaved" at a place like this does not include a phone or a tablet, even with headphones. Even though adults don't always follow this, and even though, if you have to do it because you must attend something at a fancy place and have a very young and/or SN kid with you, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I don't think the OP's 13 yo would "require" a tablet, but I could see parents doing this with a 9 yo, and it's distracting and should be avoided.

Not really sure why you had to throw special needs kids in here. Weird and telling.

I'm that PP and the only thing it's "telling" you is that I know *some* kids with *some* special needs are comforted by, regulated by, or otherwise need certain apps or media that they can access on a device, under certain circumstances. I'm not equating them to you get kids (who might need or be perceived to need devices for different reasons). And I'm not judging kids with SN as poorly behaved or whatever you're projecting onto me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think the vast majority of kids without SN (and many with them) should be fine to do this by age 10, but possibly much earlier. I guess the issue is side-eye from other patrons even with a "perfectly behaved child," but I'd assume that much less likely after the age of 8 or so.

With the caveat that "perfectly well-behaved" at a place like this does not include a phone or a tablet, even with headphones. Even though adults don't always follow this, and even though, if you have to do it because you must attend something at a fancy place and have a very young and/or SN kid with you, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I don't think the OP's 13 yo would "require" a tablet, but I could see parents doing this with a 9 yo, and it's distracting and should be avoided.

Not really sure why you had to throw special needs kids in here. Weird and telling.

I'm that PP and the only thing it's "telling" you is that I know *some* kids with *some* special needs are comforted by, regulated by, or otherwise need certain apps or media that they can access on a device, under certain circumstances. I'm not equating them to you get kids (who might need or be perceived to need devices for different reasons). And I'm not judging kids with SN as poorly behaved or whatever you're projecting onto me.

Younger kids, not you get kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think the vast majority of kids without SN (and many with them) should be fine to do this by age 10, but possibly much earlier. I guess the issue is side-eye from other patrons even with a "perfectly behaved child," but I'd assume that much less likely after the age of 8 or so.

With the caveat that "perfectly well-behaved" at a place like this does not include a phone or a tablet, even with headphones. Even though adults don't always follow this, and even though, if you have to do it because you must attend something at a fancy place and have a very young and/or SN kid with you, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I don't think the OP's 13 yo would "require" a tablet, but I could see parents doing this with a 9 yo, and it's distracting and should be avoided.

How are the silent activities of someone at another table distracting to you?

And what are you concentrating on that you are being distracted from?

It's not that that serious, okay? But you can be distracted by things other than sound. Such as flashing lights and moving pictures. And yes, it's different to our brains from the movement of a live person, in a way similar to the fact that hearing one side of a conversation when someone is on a phone is different from hearing an actual conversation between two people at the same volume.

Again, not the worst thing in the world, but preferably avoided *at a very very expensive restaurant where people have possibly saved up to go for a very very special night*. I don't love it at the Cheesecake Factory either, but I'm speaking of acceptable or ideal behavior at a very nice place.

It also seems premature to take a kid (if you don't have to) to a restaurant they can only survive with a tablet. What's the point? If you don't have to?

And I already acknowledged adults can be worse. Through whether used by adults or kids-- tablets are obviously worse than phones because they're more visible.

It's like a lot of suboptimal behavior. It's not going to kill anyone, but yeah, it's kind of uncool.

[Anonymous]

Sure, if they're well behaved and well mannered and have experience at nicer places, no issue. I had a high tea at the palace hotel for my 13th birthday at the NY Palace and spent my 14th birthday out alone with a friend for dinner at Le Bernardin. No one cares about age as long as they can behave like adults. If you need to introduce some of these concepts I recommend the book, "Tiffany's table manners for teenagers."