How do I get to do what I want on holidays (sometimes)?

[Anonymous]

The problem is expectations. If you don't set expectations early, like before you start to plan for the trip, then the expectations are that you'll go along with whatever he has planned and he will have things planned out in his head and then you will be the one that spoiled all those expectations.

For example, the next time that there is a holiday or event coming up, before you start to plan on the event, you need to be up front about what your expectations are and help him set his expectations accordingly. So, you start by saying that you don't want back-to-back days that are a lot of small-talk with people you don't know very well. So, the day after the holiday is NOT the day to go around and visit with all of his childhood friends and people you've only met twice in your life. If he wants to do that on the day after the holiday, he goes alone and you and the kids will stay at home with his mother and bake cookies or something while he has fun with his friends. You can say that this should make everyone happy. He can reminisce and catch up with his friends and you don't have the spend the day making small talk with people you barely know or don't know and the kids will not be bored out of the mind to the point of getting wild and into trouble. Alternatively, you can spend the holiday with extended family (that you don't know), then have a quiet day at home with only his family and then go on the big tour of friends the following day and you'll play along and be nice.

But start by figuring out what you want and then have the discussion with him about expectations before you start the planning of the trip. Then when you leave for the trip, expectations will be set accordingly and tensions and emotions will not be already at a high level before you've even left the house.

[Anonymous]

I turned 40 last year and so much just got clear for me. Most people DGAF about you and your feelings so you need to not GAF about their feelings. People will be upset, people will make comments. F them.

[Anonymous]

Just say no and do your thing.