Why are people so condescending when you don't know something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who speaks to others this way. You need to find a new crowd.

OP here. Can I ask what your crowd is, generally? I would very much like to be around more people who aren't like this. I'm a consultant and do tend to socialize with a lot of consultants, lawyers, and similar professionals, and I do think this behavior is specifically bad in that environment. But I have also encountered it among people in exercise classes I've taken or people I met through a book club who were not corporate or legal professionals. That's why I think it might be something specific about this area. It is worst among certain groups but by no means limited to them.

I'm a professor in a neighborhood full of white collar professionals. No consultants or lawyers I'm aware of, so that could be the difference. There is a kind of harshness to those professions I could see translating to regular social interactions, as you say. I live in Bethesda, but in one of the more down to earth neighborhoods. I don't think everyone around here is warm and friendly, not at all, and there are certainly many incredibly status-conscious people, but I haven't experienced what you're describing. Maybe I've just been lucky or my bubble is smaller than yours. Either is possible.

OO here. That's interesting, I do wonder if this is partly an outgrowth of my profession.

I should probably say that it's not like everyone I know is like this -- I do know lots of down to earth people who would never behave this way. But there seems to be someone like this in almost every setting we socialize in. Someone else called them "professional know-it-alls" and that's very apt. I do feel they tend to suck energy out of a room. I'm probably more sensitive to it now as we return to more socializing than we were doing last year, but it's definitely something that has always low-key annoyed me.

Something that is now occurring to me, maybe for the first time, is that I think some of it might just be competitive people who are challenging me directly because they feel competitive with me. I'm an SME in an area that sounds impressive because it's relatively uncommon. Not trying to downplay it, as I'm good at my job, but it's sort of an accident I wound up in this area and I don't think what I do is harder or more important than most other white collar professionals, but I'm probably the only person you're going to meet who does it. I wonder if that inspires people to behave a little more aggressively with me than they might be with someone else. I hadn't thought about it from a professional jealousy/competition angle before but I now think that might be it at least in some situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Pre-Kindergarten teacher who is well traveled, well read, and has a Master's degree. It's even worse when smug people are surprised about what you DO know. They act incredulous that I can hold a conversation on a variety of topics. It's annoying.

This is so, so true. My DH works in construction and people often assume he's not that bright or cosmopolitan because of assumptions they have about his line of work. They are often surprised to find he is better read than most people, that he went to an Ivy, that he is fully bilingual, and that he knows a ton about music theory and film history. He's a big guy with a beard who wears a hard hat at work and lots of denim and flannel. People think he's a lumberjack, basically, and have very interesting reactions when they actually talk to him.

You probably experience this as well: many people assume his job can't be intellectually stimulating or complex because of their preconceived notions about people who work with their hands. Sometimes people will politely ask a question about his work and he'll reply with a nuanced comment about housing policy, government regulation, urban planning, or something else related to his work, and people will be so surprised that construction can be as intellectual as any white collar profession. I bet there are people who are the same with ECE, and don't understand that the pedagogy around teaching young children requires a lot of intellect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone who speaks to others this way. You need to find a new crowd.

OP here. Can I ask what your crowd is, generally? I would very much like to be around more people who aren't like this. I'm a consultant and do tend to socialize with a lot of consultants, lawyers, and similar professionals, and I do think this behavior is specifically bad in that environment. But I have also encountered it among people in exercise classes I've taken or people I met through a book club who were not corporate or legal professionals. That's why I think it might be something specific about this area. It is worst among certain groups but by no means limited to them.

I'm a professor in a neighborhood full of white collar professionals. No consultants or lawyers I'm aware of, so that could be the difference. There is a kind of harshness to those professions I could see translating to regular social interactions, as you say. I live in Bethesda, but in one of the more down to earth neighborhoods. I don't think everyone around here is warm and friendly, not at all, and there are certainly many incredibly status-conscious people, but I haven't experienced what you're describing. Maybe I've just been lucky or my bubble is smaller than yours. Either is possible.

OO here. That's interesting, I do wonder if this is partly an outgrowth of my profession.

I should probably say that it's not like everyone I know is like this -- I do know lots of down to earth people who would never behave this way. But there seems to be someone like this in almost every setting we socialize in. Someone else called them "professional know-it-alls" and that's very apt. I do feel they tend to suck energy out of a room. I'm probably more sensitive to it now as we return to more socializing than we were doing last year, but it's definitely something that has always low-key annoyed me.

Something that is now occurring to me, maybe for the first time, is that I think some of it might just be competitive people who are challenging me directly because they feel competitive with me. I'm an SME in an area that sounds impressive because it's relatively uncommon. Not trying to downplay it, as I'm good at my job, but it's sort of an accident I wound up in this area and I don't think what I do is harder or more important than most other white collar professionals, but I'm probably the only person you're going to meet who does it. I wonder if that inspires people to behave a little more aggressively with me than they might be with someone else. I hadn't thought about it from a professional jealousy/competition angle before but I now think that might be it at least in some situations.

I think you are reading way too much into this.

[Anonymous]

I’m a high IQed foreigner and know exactly what you mean. It’s not a DMV thing though, and there’s nothing that you can diplomatically do.