dh left baby on curb to get on bus...

[Anonymous]

Why is putting the baby on first so obviously a better idea? If he had put the baby on first and then the bus had pulled away while he was getting the other stuff, wouldn't we all be even more horrified?

If the rule is "never separate yourself from the baby," which seems fair, then either you two need to agree on that or you need to decrease the amount of stuff/method of carrying to make that possible.

But if the question is just baby on first, baby on last, I can see why your husband might still think his method is the right one.

[Anonymous]

As you'll surely learn as you have been parents for longer, sometimes you need to agree to disagree. We are both very stubborn and opinionated, and have hit many a brick wall in our 'heated' discussions about child rearing. We have learned to drop it, give each other big hugs, and move on.
As you've seen from some posters, your hubbie's rationale isn't terrible. He's human and makes mistakes, and is too proud to admit that from a different perspective, his logic was flawed.
On a side note, there is a movie coming out about 4 babies and how they live the first year of their life in different countries/cultures (China, Africa, the US, and Tibet I think). In the preview the Tibetan family is biking through the countryside with their baby in a sling on the mother. Keeps things in perspective - no one would dare attempt that in the US!
Might I also recommend some one-on-one time with your husband. It is important to feel like you're a team again, not on opposite teams, and at least for me that seems to help immensely.

[Anonymous]

the bus driver has no obligation to know how travel systems for infants work. nit his fault. I bet he saw the man with the stroller in and thought there was no baby being carried.
I doubt he would drive away if te husband had placed the carrier first and along with a loud "Good Morning Sir, just a second while i grab the stroller and find a safe seat..."

OP no matter how long You leave kiddo in the seat while strolling around. Carseats are for cars!

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you posting? So you can gather up all the posts that support your opinion and show your DH that he was wrong? I think you do have control issues, and regardless of who is right or wrong in this instance, I don't think it will be helpful to your relationship with your DH to air it out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with posters who think this is no big deal. I'm a very laid back momma but this sounds like a very big deal to me. As an earlier poster said, what if the carrier had fallen under the wheels of the bus? All it would take would be the busdriver to clip it while the bus rolled out. Or depending on the age of your child, what if he had wriggled out of the carrier? I would have been livid about this.

Oh, come on. How many buses actually drive over their bus stops? And how often do babies wriggle out of the five point harness on a car seat? Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with posters who think this is no big deal. I'm a very laid back momma but this sounds like a very big deal to me. As an earlier poster said, what if the carrier had fallen under the wheels of the bus? All it would take would be the busdriver to clip it while the bus rolled out. Or depending on the age of your child, what if he had wriggled out of the carrier? I would have been livid about this.

Oh, come on. How many buses actually drive over their bus stops? And how often do babies wriggle out of the five point harness on a car seat? Please.

I'm the PP whose husband almost ran over a car seat left behind a car in the parking lot.
I wouldn't trust anyones judgment at that time. If it wasn't for my quick move DH wouldve caused a tragedy while the mother tried to unfold her stroller. that's why such episodes are called ACCIDENTS

[Anonymous]

What choices did you DH have? Could he have taken both the baby and all the gear on the bus at the same time? You mention you usually take the bus and it is a pain. How do you do it?

Lets face it, most dad's don't think logically when it comes to this stuff. If I want things done a certain way, I have to give specific instructions to my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is putting the baby on first so obviously a better idea? If he had put the baby on first and then the bus had pulled away while he was getting the other stuff, wouldn't we all be even more horrified?

If the rule is "never separate yourself from the baby," which seems fair, then either you two need to agree on that or you need to decrease the amount of stuff/method of carrying to make that possible.

But if the question is just baby on first, baby on last, I can see why your husband might still think his method is the right one.

This. You are both wrong or from a glass half full perspective you are both right!!!

You need to get a baby barrier or a simple folding stroller and put all other stuff into a backpack, that means you get everyone on the bus in one step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that's another reason why I hate snap n gos! car seats ARE FOR CARS!
yesterday I had to yell at DH and turned the wheel while he drove because a lady placed her car seat on the ground in the parking lot behind her car while she struggled to unfold her stroller. we almos ran over the seat! I was terrified!.

I have always been petrified of this happening, it just seems so easy to do. I have put the fear of god into my husband about not putting the carseat anywhere on the ground in the parking lot for this very reason.!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with posters who think this is no big deal. I'm a very laid back momma but this sounds like a very big deal to me. As an earlier poster said, what if the carrier had fallen under the wheels of the bus? All it would take would be the busdriver to clip it while the bus rolled out. Or depending on the age of your child, what if he had wriggled out of the carrier? I would have been livid about this.

Oh, come on. How many buses actually drive over their bus stops? And how often do babies wriggle out of the five point harness on a car seat? Please.

I'm the PP whose husband almost ran over a car seat left behind a car in the parking lot.
I wouldn't trust anyones judgment at that time. If it wasn't for my quick move DH wouldve caused a tragedy while the mother tried to unfold her stroller. that's why such episodes are called ACCIDENTS

That's fine. But the bus is on the street and the bus stop is up on the sidewalk. The front wheels are ahead of the door, so the bus would have to hop up on the sidewalk and ride the length of the bus stop before the back wheel (presumably after mowing down other pedestrians) finally got to the car seat. The whole bus would be heaving over and the passengers would be screaming.

You are far more at risk standing on a street corner with your kid in a stroller as traffic rolls by. Any car could hop onto the sidewalk at any time. The LEAST likely vehicle to do it is a bus that is actually at a stop, and which has to pull away from the curb to move at all.

[Anonymous]

OP, just let the fight go. Say something like "we didn't agree, so let's drop it". Then tell DH that you guys should get other equipment to carry the baby so it's a one-trip thing to get the baby on the bus.

Or find a way to drive the baby instead.

[Anonymous]

You both sound like idiots. Poor baby doesn't stand a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just let the fight go. Say something like "we didn't agree, so let's drop it". Then tell DH that you guys should get other equipment to carry the baby so it's a one-trip thing to get the baby on the bus.

Or find a way to drive the baby instead.

so they can leave him in the backseat at a metro parking lot...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband loves the baby too.

No matter what you read on this forum about how people feel about the action your DH took on the bus, understand that leaving room for your husband to parent (and to learn better ways of parenting) is your goal.

Every one of us has had some sort of learning curve when it comes to raising our children. Instead of blaming, how about aiming for a habit of "lessons learned".

I bet your husband was scared out of his mind--even if he doesn't include this bit when relating the story to you. Congratulating him on fixing the mistake by yelling to the driver to stop, would be a good place to begin a conversation about what could be done in the future to prevent this sort of thing from happening again.

Better that you find a solution together than waste all of your energy in a blame game.

OP: Maybe congratulating him is going a *little* far, but otherwise I completely agree with this poster: wigging out is not the answer. Figuring out how to get from A to B with a baby and all the attendant baby stuff is not that simple. And if you leap to the conclusion that your husband is an idiot who is not to be trusted, you are more likely to be writing another post in a few months or years saying that you resent him for not bearing his weight in the marriage. It *is* difficult to negotiate these new waters together, but you will be better off negotiating than putting yourself in the position of a "mama-expert" to his doltish-dad.

OP, you are getting lots of good advice here. Take it from someone who still thinks Daddy does things in a way that I don't agree with. When DD was 3 months old, I would have reamed him up and down. 5 years later, three of those spent in marriage counseling, the best favor I did was to start saying to myself, "he wants what's best for her, he just sees it and accomplishes it differently." Where you have an issue is that the baby's safety was in play here. I agree, it's worth having a discussion over. Note your concerns and move on. Ask him to humor you and find another way. Then, when he finds another way, you can decide if that works for you or not. Don't shoot him. He tried. I've learned that shooting him when he tries means he stops trying.

[Anonymous]

The worst time in our marriage was far and away the year DC1 was born - although it was not just about parenting differences, but also PPD, some other health issues, and major stress at my job. A lot to handle when you are just figuring out baby stuff!

This particular bus issue will be resolved by getting both of you to agree in the future on never separating yourselves from your baby. Calm down, wait a day or two, then talk to him about it, and I am sure he will not declare he would "do it all again", as he now claims (purely out of frustration).

Many other issues will come up, where you each have to acknowledge common ground before specifying what exactly bothers you in the other's approach. Be calm, business-like, specific, don't yell, generalize or insult. Personally I found that I should let go of anything that did not directly affect the baby's safety - otherwise the day was a one long battle. Which is why I support you in the bus problem, since your husband and yourself should agree on all safety issues.

Good luck!