Adult College kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t intervene unless you are very concerned. The kid usually comes around to the correct view: woman was too needy, not a good match, etc.

That said I have many Jewish friends that “made” their college age children break up with their non Jewish SOs at some point.

I am curious to know how they "made" their kids break up.

Some kids value their parents feelings and opinions. If I said "You're not going to marry her. So why not date someone you actually will marry?" my son would break up with that shiksa within three months.

Gross. This is just gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t intervene unless you are very concerned. The kid usually comes around to the correct view: woman was too needy, not a good match, etc.

That said I have many Jewish friends that “made” their college age children break up with their non Jewish SOs at some point.

I am curious to know how they "made" their kids break up.

Some kids value their parents feelings and opinions. If I said "You're not going to marry her. So why not date someone you actually will marry?" my son would break up with that shiksa within three months.

Gross. This is just gross.

Agree! Very provincial thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you need to know about the person your college kid is dating or in relationship with at their college town? When do you need to visit campus meet them? When do you invite them for a visit? Do you check their social media if you are curious?

Never, to all. I ask "what do you like about him/her?" and listen and ask to see a picture and then say "he/she's cute!" Then I say "I'd love to meet him/her when you're ready." My DD is 18 and each year I get her flannel holiday-themed pj pants from Old Navy. This year I'm going to get her and her boyfriend matching ones, because she'll find it funny. I still haven't met him yet. My kids have good heads on their shoulders. We have open communication.

Ugh. Joke about them sleeping together PJs from the hip mom??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t intervene unless you are very concerned. The kid usually comes around to the correct view: woman was too needy, not a good match, etc.

That said I have many Jewish friends that “made” their college age children break up with their non Jewish SOs at some point.

I am curious to know how they "made" their kids break up.

Some kids value their parents feelings and opinions. If I said "You're not going to marry her. So why not date someone you actually will marry?" my son would break up with that shiksa within three months.

Are you the person who posted about making their Jewish kids break up with the non-Jewish kids? I don't think so. You had to use a derogatory term, I see. Not sure why you feel entitled to hurt other Jews by using this term. It makes us look bad. Jews already get a bad rap, don't add to it. Be respectful.

Tomato / tomahto. Either way you tell your adult kid only to date seriously within the tribe. Call the non Jew woman whatever label you want, that’s besides the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t intervene unless you are very concerned. The kid usually comes around to the correct view: woman was too needy, not a good match, etc.

That said I have many Jewish friends that “made” their college age children break up with their non Jewish SOs at some point.

I am curious to know how they "made" their kids break up.

Some kids value their parents feelings and opinions. If I said "You're not going to marry her. So why not date someone you actually will marry?" my son would break up with that shiksa within three months.

Are you the person who posted about making their Jewish kids break up with the non-Jewish kids? I don't think so. You had to use a derogatory term, I see. Not sure why you feel entitled to hurt other Jews by using this term. It makes us look bad. Jews already get a bad rap, don't add to it. Be respectful.

Nope. Don't tell me what to do. I'll do whatever I want. Why don't YOU be respectful by not telling others what to do, as if you're in charge of anything.

Maybe you will think the next time you consider using that terminology. It's hard to be called out for disgusting behavior.

What behavior are you calling out? Terminology used in a post or behavior telling people not to date wide swaths of people?

[Anonymous]

I confess I do check social media, and have formed an opinion based on it in the past. For example, I was way more enthusiastic about the guy whose social media was very pre-professional and less so about the guy who posted regularly about his drunken escapades. I have kept all that to myself, and have never brought up a boyfriend on my own. (Though I would if I were concerned for her safety.) I have shown a different level of enthusiasm and asked different questions in conversation, however, based on that knowledge and also based on how she talks about a guy. (Does she light up when she hears from him? Does she try to explain away jerk-y behavior?) Perhaps I am being over involved but we talk a lot and she shares a lot with me, and I think she values my opinion. My son on the other hand shares nothing about his social life, so I have no idea if he is even dating anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious? It's hard not to be curious but it's not polite.

You aren't owed any information. Unless they are about to get married, you aren't owed the opportunity to meet them. It's always nice when people share their lives with others, and want people in their lives to meet. But just because you are parents - no special privileges

As a parent, I will ask about and show interest. To show interest, without expressing any expectation.

umm, these are your children. damn right you are entitled to know. "it's always nice when people share their lives with others" - DCUM family insanity has reached new levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Gosh, when I grow up I want to be like all these wonderfully evolved Dcum parents. I take whatever shreds of information my daughter divulges about a date and immediately begin Googling. I know his major, where parents live, went to school, occupation, etc. I keep that information to myself but, hey- knowledge is power.

hey my daughter is in middle school and I already googled the parents of all her (possible) crushes.

[Anonymous]

I guess I would check them out if it’s moving from dating to a relationship or living together situation but would stay out of it if no red flags like crime, abuse, drug issues etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I would check them out if it’s moving from dating to a relationship or living together situation but would stay out of it if no red flags like crime, abuse, drug issues etc.

That only goes for college kids under 25, not for employed older adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious? It's hard not to be curious but it's not polite.

You aren't owed any information. Unless they are about to get married, you aren't owed the opportunity to meet them. It's always nice when people share their lives with others, and want people in their lives to meet. But just because you are parents - no special privileges

As a parent, I will ask about and show interest. To show interest, without expressing any expectation.

umm, these are your children. damn right you are entitled to know. "it's always nice when people share their lives with others" - DCUM family insanity has reached new levels.

No, you're an authority freak. Most parents don't demand anything about their kid's relationships. I dated lots of guys in college and after and only mentioned a couple of keepers to my family. My mom would ask a few polite questions here and there but none of this insane interrogation crap. I would never date someone who had parents like that.

I had a roommate post college who had crazy abusive parents. I imagine they have lots in common with this parent. We were in our mid 20s and working. Her parents lived in MD and we lived in NC. They were constantly trying to control where she was and what she did. She had a boyfriend and would stay with him often and they were trying to catch her not being home. They would call our apartment regularly very early to verify she was home. They would lose their minds if she didn't answer the phone. One weekend they started calling at 6 am and I was the only one home. They would not stop calling. I answered and told them she was not there and they screamed at me. I hung up and left the phone off the hook. They drove from MD to NC that day and showed up at our apartment banging on the door yelling and screaming at me. I had to threaten to call the police to get them to leave. What they did should be illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Gosh, when I grow up I want to be like all these wonderfully evolved Dcum parents. I take whatever shreds of information my daughter divulges about a date and immediately begin Googling. I know his major, where parents live, went to school, occupation, etc. I keep that information to myself but, hey- knowledge is power.

hey my daughter is in middle school and I already googled the parents of all her (possible) crushes.

Weirdo. Seriously. Unless you're trying to be funny.
If not, get therapy. It will benefit your child tremendously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you need to know about the person your college kid is dating or in relationship with at their college town? When do you need to visit campus meet them? When do you invite them for a visit? Do you check their social media if you are curious?

Never, to all. I ask "what do you like about him/her?" and listen and ask to see a picture and then say "he/she's cute!" Then I say "I'd love to meet him/her when you're ready." My DD is 18 and each year I get her flannel holiday-themed pj pants from Old Navy. This year I'm going to get her and her boyfriend matching ones, because she'll find it funny. I still haven't met him yet. My kids have good heads on their shoulders. We have open communication.

Ugh. Joke about them sleeping together PJs from the hip mom??

Agree - creepy and inappropriate

[Anonymous]

plus they sleep naked or in boxers, not old navy flannel pajamas.

[Anonymous]

oh, you want them both to think about you on the weekend mornings when they put on their pj gifts in the dorm room. cozy.