Daycare/Childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's daycare was in building so I got to pop down to nurse and skip pumping which was great. I was in a lot so I saw them interact with him and the other babies and it was always great. If you can get a daycare close enough to do this, I recommend it.

Many daycares aren’t allowing this now because of COVID. I WFH before COvID and did this with my older child but it’s not allowed for my baby due to COVID.

All daycares must allow a mother to breast-feed if that is what she chooses. Even during Covid they couldn’t deny this. Your daycare was breaking the law by not allowing you to breast-feed. I’m sure they had great intentions, but it was still illegal.

Not true. My DD’s daycare has not allowed parents into the building since June 2020 (when they reopened)

Both daycares I looked at allowed it. Something the OP should inquire about when looking at daycares. For me that was a non negotiable requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but make sure you really want day care, a nanny share is about the same and has many benefits over daycare.

Opinions vary. I really preferred a daycare center.

For your infant? Really? I did daycare for my first to start and it was awful. So many illnesses. We quickly switched to a home day care that only had 6 kids. It was so much better but the baby was literally sick every 1-3 weeks. With our second we did a nanny from the get go and it is so much better. Wish I had never put my first in daycare to be honest. So institutional. So impersonal. So unclean. I can still smell the stinky diapers, see the sad baby faces stuck in swings and chairs while the overwhelmed caregivers gave out bottles and diapered kids like overwhelmed robots (this was a 1:3 ratio, mind) and attempted to log everything in a stupid app. I can still hear the crying, and those hacking coughs. This was a top rated center (we toured many) but the reality is just awful. I felt like the worst parent in the world leaving my kid there with all those sad, crying babies. Most daycare parents won’t admit this but it’s true. Infant daycare is almost categorically horrible. I’ll say it. Everyone will argue because they don’t want to believe it but it’s true. Infants need primary attachments to a loving caregiver in a safe and calm environment, and you just don’t get that in an institutional
Setting like daycare. They don’t need the socialization until they are older.

Summary: this poster had a bad daycare experience and now feels comfortable generalizing that to the conclusion that all infant daycare is bad.

And rationalizes that this is true by assuming that daycare parents know their kids are in a horrible environment but don’t change anything because … they don’t want to admit it for some reason? They’d rather pay thousands per month for bad care?

Sounds about right!

All of my experiences were also at an NAEYC accredited center. My background is in early childhood education. Everyone in this field who can afford a nanny, uses one. And they don’t send their kids to daycare centers, they have nannies and then send them to preschool when they are 3-4 years old. No newborn wants to be in a room with 8-12 other infants and 3 adults. Babies this age don’t need lesson plans or activities. Only the US expects new parents to put brand new babies in this situation. The rest of the developed world lets babies stay home with a parent for a year or more. Daycare exists because capitalism demands it, not because it’s good for infants.

+1. Also I wouldn’t do a nanny share. I would just get a dedicated nanny and try to make it so that one parent is around/WFH in the morning hours and the other is around during the afternoon hours. That’s what DH and I did (well before Covid) and we liked it because it made the nanny more accountable. We weren’t intrusive and she was happy.

This woman sounds like a tone-deaf buffoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but make sure you really want day care, a nanny share is about the same and has many benefits over daycare.

Opinions vary. I really preferred a daycare center.

For your infant? Really? I did daycare for my first to start and it was awful. So many illnesses. We quickly switched to a home day care that only had 6 kids. It was so much better but the baby was literally sick every 1-3 weeks. With our second we did a nanny from the get go and it is so much better. Wish I had never put my first in daycare to be honest. So institutional. So impersonal. So unclean. I can still smell the stinky diapers, see the sad baby faces stuck in swings and chairs while the overwhelmed caregivers gave out bottles and diapered kids like overwhelmed robots (this was a 1:3 ratio, mind) and attempted to log everything in a stupid app. I can still hear the crying, and those hacking coughs. This was a top rated center (we toured many) but the reality is just awful. I felt like the worst parent in the world leaving my kid there with all those sad, crying babies. Most daycare parents won’t admit this but it’s true. Infant daycare is almost categorically horrible. I’ll say it. Everyone will argue because they don’t want to believe it but it’s true. Infants need primary attachments to a loving caregiver in a safe and calm environment, and you just don’t get that in an institutional
Setting like daycare. They don’t need the socialization until they are older.

Summary: this poster had a bad daycare experience and now feels comfortable generalizing that to the conclusion that all infant daycare is bad.

And rationalizes that this is true by assuming that daycare parents know their kids are in a horrible environment but don’t change anything because … they don’t want to admit it for some reason? They’d rather pay thousands per month for bad care?

Sounds about right!

All of my experiences were also at an NAEYC accredited center. My background is in early childhood education. Everyone in this field who can afford a nanny, uses one. And they don’t send their kids to daycare centers, they have nannies and then send them to preschool when they are 3-4 years old. No newborn wants to be in a room with 8-12 other infants and 3 adults. Babies this age don’t need lesson plans or activities. Only the US expects new parents to put brand new babies in this situation. The rest of the developed world lets babies stay home with a parent for a year or more. Daycare exists because capitalism demands it, not because it’s good for infants.

+1. Also I wouldn’t do a nanny share. I would just get a dedicated nanny and try to make it so that one parent is around/WFH in the morning hours and the other is around during the afternoon hours. That’s what DH and I did (well before Covid) and we liked it because it made the nanny more accountable. We weren’t intrusive and she was happy.

Yes, I’m sure your nanny loved that you were always around.

[Anonymous]

We chose in home daycare. The timeline for finding one with an opening is less than that for a center. We toured several places and found one that was head and shoulders above the rest. Both our kids went there. It was a wonderful setup for them.

I also know people who use au pairs for infants. Personally I think you need to screen really carefully for a good fit. We currently have an au pair now that our kids are older, and it works for us.

[Anonymous]

For infants, group care should be a last resort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but make sure you really want day care, a nanny share is about the same and has many benefits over daycare.

Opinions vary. I really preferred a daycare center.

For your infant? Really? I did daycare for my first to start and it was awful. So many illnesses. We quickly switched to a home day care that only had 6 kids. It was so much better but the baby was literally sick every 1-3 weeks. With our second we did a nanny from the get go and it is so much better. Wish I had never put my first in daycare to be honest. So institutional. So impersonal. So unclean. I can still smell the stinky diapers, see the sad baby faces stuck in swings and chairs while the overwhelmed caregivers gave out bottles and diapered kids like overwhelmed robots (this was a 1:3 ratio, mind) and attempted to log everything in a stupid app. I can still hear the crying, and those hacking coughs. This was a top rated center (we toured many) but the reality is just awful. I felt like the worst parent in the world leaving my kid there with all those sad, crying babies. Most daycare parents won’t admit this but it’s true. Infant daycare is almost categorically horrible. I’ll say it. Everyone will argue because they don’t want to believe it but it’s true. Infants need primary attachments to a loving caregiver in a safe and calm environment, and you just don’t get that in an institutional
Setting like daycare. They don’t need the socialization until they are older.

Summary: this poster had a bad daycare experience and now feels comfortable generalizing that to the conclusion that all infant daycare is bad.

And rationalizes that this is true by assuming that daycare parents know their kids are in a horrible environment but don’t change anything because … they don’t want to admit it for some reason? They’d rather pay thousands per month for bad care?

Sounds about right!

All of my experiences were also at an NAEYC accredited center. My background is in early childhood education. Everyone in this field who can afford a nanny, uses one. And they don’t send their kids to daycare centers, they have nannies and then send them to preschool when they are 3-4 years old. No newborn wants to be in a room with 8-12 other infants and 3 adults. Babies this age don’t need lesson plans or activities. Only the US expects new parents to put brand new babies in this situation. The rest of the developed world lets babies stay home with a parent for a year or more. Daycare exists because capitalism demands it, not because it’s good for infants.

Mine was never in a room with "8-12 other infants." 6 total like a PP.

I preferred redundancy and multiple adults rather than trusting a single adult who had to watch two babies/kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's daycare was in building so I got to pop down to nurse and skip pumping which was great. I was in a lot so I saw them interact with him and the other babies and it was always great. If you can get a daycare close enough to do this, I recommend it.

Many daycares aren’t allowing this now because of COVID. I WFH before COvID and did this with my older child but it’s not allowed for my baby due to COVID.

All daycares must allow a mother to breast-feed if that is what she chooses. Even during Covid they couldn’t deny this. Your daycare was breaking the law by not allowing you to breast-feed. I’m sure they had great intentions, but it was still illegal.

Not true. My DD’s daycare has not allowed parents into the building since June 2020 (when they reopened)

I hate to say it but while they were correct that there were restrictions about not letting people into the building, there was definitely an exception for breast-feeding mothers. As a daycare we literally cannot deny a mother the ability to come and breastfeed her child. We can encourage bottles etc. but legally we cannot deny a mother the ability to come breast-feed. I can’t blame your daycare for not understanding it because of all of the conflicting and strong wording otherwise.

[Anonymous]

You need to be on lists now.

Our daughter went at six months to a fully accredited center with (at the time) one other infant, and two teachers. I nursed twice a day and PP is correct that it is a legal requirement both to allow a mother to breastfeed and provide a private room to do so. Do not listen to the scare mongers but DO research, visit, ask tons of questions and be a huge pest until you’re comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be on lists now.

Our daughter went at six months to a fully accredited center with (at the time) one other infant, and two teachers. I nursed twice a day and PP is correct that it is a legal requirement both to allow a mother to breastfeed and provide a private room to do so. Do not listen to the scare mongers but DO research, visit, ask tons of questions and be a huge pest until you’re comfortable.

Is this federal law? Or in the state of Maryland?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be on lists now.

Our daughter went at six months to a fully accredited center with (at the time) one other infant, and two teachers. I nursed twice a day and PP is correct that it is a legal requirement both to allow a mother to breastfeed and provide a private room to do so. Do not listen to the scare mongers but DO research, visit, ask tons of questions and be a huge pest until you’re comfortable.

With COVJd the regulations changed a lot, don’t be so sure of anything.

[Anonymous]

You need to get on the lists. You’re not making a decision on childcare right now; you’re just securing options.

Get on a lot of lists. We applied to more than a dozen and only got two offers for when we needed it despite applying a full year ahead of time. Eight months later, we got a spot in our preferred center. Other centers finally offered us a spot 2.5 years after we initially applied.

Many centers have closed or reduced enrollment during the pandemic so competition for slots in some areas may be even more difficult.

And we have had wonderful experiences at both of our accredited centers. My child thrived in daycare. When you are offered a spot, you tour the center again and meet with the teachers to make the final decision of whether or not it’s the right fit for your child. Good luck and congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Ya’ll be tripping. Your infant “thrived” in daycare? You mean got sick every couple weeks, cried when you left him/her, napped horribly, clung to you when you tried to leave, had a revolving door of staff (since the turnover rate of day care staff is 25 percent every year), spent way too much time in seated swings/chairs/bouncers, and got RSV, roseola, hand foot and mouth, and a bunch of other diseases you never heard of. Ok. I am going to keep saying it because I wish I had known, daycare for infants is awful. It’s just awful. You can lie to yourself to sleep at night but if you’re being honest with yourself you know your child would have rather been at home with you. Let’s not kid ourselves here, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but make sure you really want day care, a nanny share is about the same and has many benefits over daycare.

Opinions vary. I really preferred a daycare center.

For your infant? Really? I did daycare for my first to start and it was awful. So many illnesses. We quickly switched to a home day care that only had 6 kids. It was so much better but the baby was literally sick every 1-3 weeks. With our second we did a nanny from the get go and it is so much better. Wish I had never put my first in daycare to be honest. So institutional. So impersonal. So unclean. I can still smell the stinky diapers, see the sad baby faces stuck in swings and chairs while the overwhelmed caregivers gave out bottles and diapered kids like overwhelmed robots (this was a 1:3 ratio, mind) and attempted to log everything in a stupid app. I can still hear the crying, and those hacking coughs. This was a top rated center (we toured many) but the reality is just awful. I felt like the worst parent in the world leaving my kid there with all those sad, crying babies. Most daycare parents won’t admit this but it’s true. Infant daycare is almost categorically horrible. I’ll say it. Everyone will argue because they don’t want to believe it but it’s true. Infants need primary attachments to a loving caregiver in a safe and calm environment, and you just don’t get that in an institutional
Setting like daycare. They don’t need the socialization until they are older.

Summary: this poster had a bad daycare experience and now feels comfortable generalizing that to the conclusion that all infant daycare is bad.

And rationalizes that this is true by assuming that daycare parents know their kids are in a horrible environment but don’t change anything because … they don’t want to admit it for some reason? They’d rather pay thousands per month for bad care?

Sounds about right!

All of my experiences were also at an NAEYC accredited center. My background is in early childhood education. Everyone in this field who can afford a nanny, uses one. And they don’t send their kids to daycare centers, they have nannies and then send them to preschool when they are 3-4 years old. No newborn wants to be in a room with 8-12 other infants and 3 adults. Babies this age don’t need lesson plans or activities. Only the US expects new parents to put brand new babies in this situation. The rest of the developed world lets babies stay home with a parent for a year or more. Daycare exists because capitalism demands it, not because it’s good for infants.

+1. Also I wouldn’t do a nanny share. I would just get a dedicated nanny and try to make it so that one parent is around/WFH in the morning hours and the other is around during the afternoon hours. That’s what DH and I did (well before Covid) and we liked it because it made the nanny more accountable. We weren’t intrusive and she was happy.

Yes, I’m sure your nanny loved that you were always around.

Nanny here and I can confirm we do not love this type of job. I actually just quit this type of job and found one where the parents aren’t home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ya’ll be tripping. Your infant “thrived” in daycare? You mean got sick every couple weeks, cried when you left him/her, napped horribly, clung to you when you tried to leave, had a revolving door of staff (since the turnover rate of day care staff is 25 percent every year), spent way too much time in seated swings/chairs/bouncers, and got RSV, roseola, hand foot and mouth, and a bunch of other diseases you never heard of. Ok. I am going to keep saying it because I wish I had known, daycare for infants is awful. It’s just awful. You can lie to yourself to sleep at night but if you’re being honest with yourself you know your child would have rather been at home with you. Let’s not kid ourselves here, please.

My kid had literally none of that happen. The daycare didn’t allow bouncers, he got sick literally once, and had the same caregivers the whole time.
Stop mom shaming. A nanny is a huge expense the majority of people simply can’t afford.

[Anonymous]

OP, the daycare shamers love this board. I had three kids in daycare at once, which was $$$, but I chose it instead of a nanny because I loved my daycare and my children’s time there. There are amazing daycares and awful daycares, there are amazing nannies and awful nannies. And overall there are pluses and minuses to both, even when they are amazing.

I think the best way to find out about daycares is to ask to speak to current parents (or post asking for opinions on your neighborhood listservs or FB groups). I am a reference for our daycare and I have spoken to a lot of parents about it- I always give my honest opinion including the things I am not thrilled with.