Marrying over 50

[Anonymous]

I'm 52, and if my husband died, I wouldn't get married again. I don't think I'd want to live with anyone, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

Things like having a say over medical treatment, end-of-life care. For example, I know a long-term couple, never married, that when one of them got seriously sick, the other one wasn’t able to to manage the partner’s care. Had no legal right and the hospital, nursing home wouldn’t let them. In fact, when the pandemic started couldn’t even see the partner and to finagle, threaten and cajole in order to get access because they weren’t “family”. Or seeing all the stuff my mother and I had to decide and arrange for at the end of my father’s life. If I’ve built a life with a partner I would want us to be each other’s person/decisionmaker if one of us is at that stage, and not the grown kids who may have grown distant or, worse, an estranged sibling or some other relative having greater legal rights over such decisions.

As I get older, I would want my partner and I to either get married with a prenup or get the whole slew of legal documents that would allow us to be recognized as each other’s “person”, caretaker, next-of-kin, whatever people want to call it. We don’t need each other’s money, retirement, etc. We’re both independent and well off. But it would be distressing if, as we got older, we lose the right to care for the other, honor one another’s wishes, end up being considered nothing more than a stranger, legally, when important decisions need to be made.

I’m the 55yo PP who’s reconsidering my “never marry again” position.

I’m a physician and if you have a signed POA for health care decisions / medical proxy it is valid and controlling for medical decision making (if person cannot decide themselves 2/2 being incapacitated) regardless of marital status or other legal standing. The SO is only shut out if there was no document in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

Things like having a say over medical treatment, end-of-life care. For example, I know a long-term couple, never married, that when one of them got seriously sick, the other one wasn’t able to to manage the partner’s care. Had no legal right and the hospital, nursing home wouldn’t let them. In fact, when the pandemic started couldn’t even see the partner and to finagle, threaten and cajole in order to get access because they weren’t “family”. Or seeing all the stuff my mother and I had to decide and arrange for at the end of my father’s life. If I’ve built a life with a partner I would want us to be each other’s person/decisionmaker if one of us is at that stage, and not the grown kids who may have grown distant or, worse, an estranged sibling or some other relative having greater legal rights over such decisions.

As I get older, I would want my partner and I to either get married with a prenup or get the whole slew of legal documents that would allow us to be recognized as each other’s “person”, caretaker, next-of-kin, whatever people want to call it. We don’t need each other’s money, retirement, etc. We’re both independent and well off. But it would be distressing if, as we got older, we lose the right to care for the other, honor one another’s wishes, end up being considered nothing more than a stranger, legally, when important decisions need to be made.

I’m the 55yo PP who’s reconsidering my “never marry again” position.

I’m a physician and if you have a signed POA for health care decisions / medical proxy it is valid and controlling for medical decision making (if person cannot decide themselves 2/2 being incapacitated) regardless of marital status or other legal standing. The SO is only shut out if there was no document in place.

PP here. Thanks for responding. I was the one who wrote "I think you can get a power of attorney therby making marriage unnecessary." Appreciate the confirmation of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

Things like having a say over medical treatment, end-of-life care. For example, I know a long-term couple, never married, that when one of them got seriously sick, the other one wasn’t able to to manage the partner’s care. Had no legal right and the hospital, nursing home wouldn’t let them. In fact, when the pandemic started couldn’t even see the partner and to finagle, threaten and cajole in order to get access because they weren’t “family”. Or seeing all the stuff my mother and I had to decide and arrange for at the end of my father’s life. If I’ve built a life with a partner I would want us to be each other’s person/decisionmaker if one of us is at that stage, and not the grown kids who may have grown distant or, worse, an estranged sibling or some other relative having greater legal rights over such decisions.

As I get older, I would want my partner and I to either get married with a prenup or get the whole slew of legal documents that would allow us to be recognized as each other’s “person”, caretaker, next-of-kin, whatever people want to call it. We don’t need each other’s money, retirement, etc. We’re both independent and well off. But it would be distressing if, as we got older, we lose the right to care for the other, honor one another’s wishes, end up being considered nothing more than a stranger, legally, when important decisions need to be made.

I’m the 55yo PP who’s reconsidering my “never marry again” position.

I am pretty sure you can get a power of attorney to anyone to help with these decisions...again making marriage unnecessary.

This. My father recently passed away after an illness. My parents were not married, but my mom had the power of attorney, health care proxy, etc and was taking care of all dad's financial and medical stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

Things like having a say over medical treatment, end-of-life care. For example, I know a long-term couple, never married, that when one of them got seriously sick, the other one wasn’t able to to manage the partner’s care. Had no legal right and the hospital, nursing home wouldn’t let them. In fact, when the pandemic started couldn’t even see the partner and to finagle, threaten and cajole in order to get access because they weren’t “family”. Or seeing all the stuff my mother and I had to decide and arrange for at the end of my father’s life. If I’ve built a life with a partner I would want us to be each other’s person/decisionmaker if one of us is at that stage, and not the grown kids who may have grown distant or, worse, an estranged sibling or some other relative having greater legal rights over such decisions.

As I get older, I would want my partner and I to either get married with a prenup or get the whole slew of legal documents that would allow us to be recognized as each other’s “person”, caretaker, next-of-kin, whatever people want to call it. We don’t need each other’s money, retirement, etc. We’re both independent and well off. But it would be distressing if, as we got older, we lose the right to care for the other, honor one another’s wishes, end up being considered nothing more than a stranger, legally, when important decisions need to be made.

I’m the 55yo PP who’s reconsidering my “never marry again” position.

I’m a physician and if you have a signed POA for health care decisions / medical proxy it is valid and controlling for medical decision making (if person cannot decide themselves 2/2 being incapacitated) regardless of marital status or other legal standing. The SO is only shut out if there was no document in place.

PP here. Thanks for responding. I was the one who wrote "I think you can get a power of attorney therby making marriage unnecessary." Appreciate the confirmation of this.

Right, I’m aware of that. That’s why I wrote that one of the options I’m contemplating is to get the necessary legal documents. But, it would probably be more than one document/ more than a power of attorney to cover more than medical decisions or have something closer to the privileges that marriage provides. So, marriage with a prenup that keeps our preexisting assets separate and protects our respective kids’ inheritance is not an unreasonable option. Once the financial entanglement is sorted out in a prenup, it seems to me that marriage provides more benefits than detriments, if I’m sharing the rest of my life with that person.

[Anonymous]

^^yes it is two completely separate documents (three if you count the prenup) and this is what I would do. If I married someone with existing assets (like me) I would put whatever we each had in trust for each individual and their future kids and work with just what we brought in in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the point of marrying over 50. You won't have kids. You would be wise to have separate houses and finances. So why?

I agree. After 50 years of being married to my mom, my dad just remarried at 77 years old 🙄. Like seriously, why?

Men can't live without marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the point of marrying over 50. You won't have kids. You would be wise to have separate houses and finances. So why?

I agree. After 50 years of being married to my mom, my dad just remarried at 77 years old 🙄. Like seriously, why?

Because men his age don’t know how to take care of themselves and most women his age are smart enough not to act as wives if they are not

WTF is this horsesh*t? I know many men in their 60s and 70s who take care of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the point of marrying over 50. You won't have kids. You would be wise to have separate houses and finances. So why?

I agree. After 50 years of being married to my mom, my dad just remarried at 77 years old 🙄. Like seriously, why?

Men can't live without marriage

My Dad can. After divorce with my mom, he's had 3 long term girlfriends. The latest one, he's been with for 10 years. He doesn't believe in marrying these women because he has his own children/grandchildren and he worked hard so that he could pass down to us. I am super grateful that he feels this way. He's also wealthy enough to hire people to keep house for him, so he doesn't need a wife for that. His girlfriend is richer than he is, and I assume she also wants to protect the assets earned by her late husband for her children/grandchildren. They keep their own places but travel together and have most meals together, etc.

My 78 yo mom on the other hand would love to get married, and has had schemes to do so, but it hasn't worked out. She is religious and believes, in theory but not in practice, that you must get married to consecrate sex, plus she thinks it would be nice to enjoy someone else's money. She's totally insane, and I'll feel sorry for the whole family if she manages to snag some old sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 52, and if my husband died, I wouldn't get married again. I don't think I'd want to live with anyone, either.

+1

Exactly my situation.
In fact I might just move to Portland Oregon and check out the lesbian bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real or not, crying in airports gets attention. I missed my connection to see DH a day early. I was snobbing into my mask, next thing I know a silver fox is buying me dessert (I don't drink, I eat cake). I've made friends with strong women in J class, and learned about lux car transport in coach. Airports are so fun, adventure is always around the corner.

The nurse will see you back to your room now.

[Anonymous]

This has to be one of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read.

50 isn’t 80 folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be one of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read.

50 isn’t 80 folks.

No kidding. I will still have a kid in high school at 52.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be one of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read.

50 isn’t 80 folks.

No kidding. I will still have a kid in high school at 52.

PP here…actually she will finish high school when I am 55 (I am a woman). 50 is not old!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be one of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read.

50 isn’t 80 folks.

I think it's because people are thinking in terms of their parents, but not themselves