Marrying over 50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

Many times widows who were caregivers to their late husbands don’t want the possibility of doing it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real or not, crying in airports gets attention. I missed my connection to see DH a day early. I was snobbing into my mask, next thing I know a silver fox is buying me dessert (I don't drink, I eat cake). I've made friends with strong women in J class, and learned about lux car transport in coach. Airports are so fun, adventure is always around the corner.

What

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 50-something widow. I don't see the point of getting married again unless it is financially advantageous, which hardly ever happens.

Not a widow, just a divorced 47 year old woman who also sees no reason at all to her remarried unless it was for a practice reason like health insurance. I maintain a separate household from my long term boyfriend and it works just fine for both of us. We see each other every day and have sleepovers about 1/2 to 3/4 of them time but I have a quiet place to work from and retreat to if necessary. It’s the best of all worlds.

[Anonymous]

An old friend of mine's aunt didn't marry anyone until she was 57. And she was a virgin. They were very happy for about a decade until she died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the point of marrying over 50. You won't have kids. You would be wise to have separate houses and finances. So why?

I agree. After 50 years of being married to my mom, my dad just remarried at 77 years old 🙄. Like seriously, why?

Because men his age don’t know how to take care of themselves and most women his age are smart enough not to act as wives if they are not

This. If he wants a caretaker in his old age he will have to protect the person signing up to do it. I would expect the same.

[Anonymous]

OK, since above posts are so totally depressing can I ask the 50+ women here whether the men they are with actually had any interest in marrying? I had a crappy marriage for 13 years and am really depressed that life has passed me by along with the nuclear family I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the point of marrying over 50. You won't have kids. You would be wise to have separate houses and finances. So why?

I agree. After 50 years of being married to my mom, my dad just remarried at 77 years old 🙄. Like seriously, why?

Maybe because he loves her and wants to take care of her?

[Anonymous]

These posts are written by people who aren't over 50. We still feel young. We want to get marriage right. We want the commitment in front of God, church, family, and community. We want to be a husband or a wife. When I see a happy obviously in love older married couple, they're probably on their second marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

Many times widows who were caregivers to their late husbands don’t want the possibility of doing it again.

And some do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These posts are written by people who aren't over 50. We still feel young. We want to get marriage right. We want the commitment in front of God, church, family, and community. We want to be a husband or a wife. When I see a happy obviously in love older married couple, they're probably on their second marriage.

I am a PP. I am 43. I do not believe in marriage after age 40, and to be honest, I do not believe in it at all now. So, I do not fit what you describe above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

Things like having a say over medical treatment, end-of-life care. For example, I know a long-term couple, never married, that when one of them got seriously sick, the other one wasn’t able to to manage the partner’s care. Had no legal right and the hospital, nursing home wouldn’t let them. In fact, when the pandemic started couldn’t even see the partner and to finagle, threaten and cajole in order to get access because they weren’t “family”. Or seeing all the stuff my mother and I had to decide and arrange for at the end of my father’s life. If I’ve built a life with a partner I would want us to be each other’s person/decisionmaker if one of us is at that stage, and not the grown kids who may have grown distant or, worse, an estranged sibling or some other relative having greater legal rights over such decisions.

As I get older, I would want my partner and I to either get married with a prenup or get the whole slew of legal documents that would allow us to be recognized as each other’s “person”, caretaker, next-of-kin, whatever people want to call it. We don’t need each other’s money, retirement, etc. We’re both independent and well off. But it would be distressing if, as we got older, we lose the right to care for the other, honor one another’s wishes, end up being considered nothing more than a stranger, legally, when important decisions need to be made.

I’m the 55yo PP who’s reconsidering my “never marry again” position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve generally been in the “why marry again” camp. But at 55 and having seen my parents getting old, my mother dealing with my father’s decline and death, I am starting to see a benefit to being married as we age - having no issue making health and financial decisions for each other, funeral arrangements, etc.

You can live with someone without getting married.

But you have no legal rights or protections.

What kind of legal protection do you want? you should have your own money. Especially after age 40. I actually found marriage to be the opposite of legal protection because I would’ve had far more wealth if I had stayed single. And I’m a woman.

Things like having a say over medical treatment, end-of-life care. For example, I know a long-term couple, never married, that when one of them got seriously sick, the other one wasn’t able to to manage the partner’s care. Had no legal right and the hospital, nursing home wouldn’t let them. In fact, when the pandemic started couldn’t even see the partner and to finagle, threaten and cajole in order to get access because they weren’t “family”. Or seeing all the stuff my mother and I had to decide and arrange for at the end of my father’s life. If I’ve built a life with a partner I would want us to be each other’s person/decisionmaker if one of us is at that stage, and not the grown kids who may have grown distant or, worse, an estranged sibling or some other relative having greater legal rights over such decisions.

As I get older, I would want my partner and I to either get married with a prenup or get the whole slew of legal documents that would allow us to be recognized as each other’s “person”, caretaker, next-of-kin, whatever people want to call it. We don’t need each other’s money, retirement, etc. We’re both independent and well off. But it would be distressing if, as we got older, we lose the right to care for the other, honor one another’s wishes, end up being considered nothing more than a stranger, legally, when important decisions need to be made.

I’m the 55yo PP who’s reconsidering my “never marry again” position.

I am pretty sure you can get a power of attorney to anyone to help with these decisions...again making marriage unnecessary.