any freshman struggling a few weeks in?

[Anonymous]

I had a hard first semester away. I thought everyone else was having the time of their lives, but they weren’t, a lot were struggling but didn’t share

[Anonymous]

Do you think a gap year would have helped your DCs adjust easier? I have one applying this year for next fall. Is a gap year a wise move?

[Anonymous]

The mix of kids on your DCs freshman floor does not define the whole school - it may feel like party central to her while others may find their floor really boring. Finding her people will take time. Both my kids were the ones taking care of drunk friends and my oldest did not go out much at all the first year, but they both found their people and ended up having amazing college experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think a gap year would have helped your DCs adjust easier? I have one applying this year for next fall. Is a gap year a wise move?

My DD was more than ready to leave and I don't think a gap year would have worked for her personally. Its really just transition issues for her, and I'm sure it will work itself out, just looking to commiserate I guess.

Some of these other girls who are getting black out drunk Th/F/S are the ones who probably could have used a gap year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the nerdy freshman in a rowdy dorm. I never drank or was part of drinking in HS. However only two other students from HS went to the same college that I did. I was insecure and went to frat parties with my dorm mates to fit in. It was horrible. For my DD, I really wanted her in an interest based dorm with kids who aren’t like that. So far so good.

OP- I’m so sorry for your DD. It’s hard. I know this is drastic but is there anyway she can move to another dorm?

This is a good point. I was just thinking that next year she either will be in an apartment or can choose her roommates while knowing more about them, so this problem should go away. She stayed in last night and texted me at 4 AM that she was just going to bed because she was helping a girl she doesn't even know who was throwing up for three hours in their hall bathroom. Just crazy what these girls are doing to themselves.

The problem is the GPA damage will be done. I’m the PP you are responding to. Call the university and discuss. I would also look and see how many credits your DD is taking and think about dropping to 12. While I’m very successful now, my college GPA was very mediocre and the worst freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get the typical "land the helicopter" response and I am not letting her come home, nor am I visiting her, but my DD called last night to say that she "hates this school" and has been having a mental breakdown for the past two weeks. It is just kind of everything, from social to sports to academics. Has plenty of friends and is into a team club sport, but complains that everyone is just all about going out drinking every day and not just drinking, but getting flat out wasted and throwing up all over. She is very social and she is out with everyone at the bars and frats but doesn't like to be out of control so she is not the one really getting drunk. That means she ends up having to take care of everyone else, and make sure everyone gets home etc.

School is hard, teachers are unclear, hours and hours of homework every day etc. She didn't get into her first choice club sport.

Typical stuff I know, other than the usual pep talk and get back to it, I know there is not much I can do and she needs to make it work for herself on her own.

That said, any stories where it has turned around for your freshman? She is at her absolute dream school so to hear her say that she hates it just breaks my heart.

I am hearing that this is a really hard year with COVID, kids coming off a COVID year and going crazy to catch up on missed socializing, etc. Already know two kids from our HS who have withdrawn from their dream colleges in order to be close to home..

[Anonymous]

Is this UVA? My first year niece is also overwhelmed at the amount of drinking. Luckily her roommate is, too, so they have each other to stay in when it gets “too much.” Suggest your daughter try to find a like soul on a night when she stays in - maybe someone to watch a movie with etc.

Also, if your daughter stayed in last night, why was she awake at 4am helping a puking hallmate? I wonder if your daughter is making herself the “den mother” or likes to insert herself into drama? Neither are bad qualities, but worth self examining since this is causing her stress.

[Anonymous]

I had roommates that got drunk almost every night. The next semester I switched rooms after finding a friend that was similar to me. If this is an option, I’d let her know. First week of college I rode in the ambulance with my roommate due to alcohol poisoning and was the only sober one.

[Anonymous]

She should call her RA and ask for help, there’s no way she needs to sacrifice her sleep and her life for randoms making dumb drinking choices. She’s a nice kid, so bravo mom, now teach her to advocate for herself and get help when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this UVA? My first year niece is also overwhelmed at the amount of drinking. Luckily her roommate is, too, so they have each other to stay in when it gets “too much.” Suggest your daughter try to find a like soul on a night when she stays in - maybe someone to watch a movie with etc.

Also, if your daughter stayed in last night, why was she awake at 4am helping a puking hallmate? I wonder if your daughter is making herself the “den mother” or likes to insert herself into drama? Neither are bad qualities, but worth self examining since this is causing her stress.

She is a bit of the "Mom" but because she is often the sober one, her friends put her in that position. This situation Friday was that she got up to go pee at about 1 AM and this guy was bringing a girl into the dorm who he had found outside, alone, throwing up. Thank god for this guy! So he brought her to dorm and was trying to help her when he ran into my daughter and her roommate (who had just come back from a party). I have a pic she took of 5 kids staying up helping this poor girl, until at some point hours later, she started convulsing and they contacted the RA.

[Anonymous]

Omg what college is this? Insane drinking culture! Please tell us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picking dorm-mates off the floor is not her job. Why does she feel like it t is? Why would she even go out with these wild kids?

It's not her job. But you really wouldn't do it? I know I would. I could not in good conscious leave a friend, blind drunk, on the floor of a fraternity party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy stuff already?

Seems like maybe she should use this time to focus more on her class work? Organizing her calendar around the course syllabi. Maybe forming a study group? Checking out the Writing Center. Really, she sounds like she is focused on the wrong stuff.

+100 the more you post,OP, the worse your DD’s judgement sounds. She sounds immature. If she ACTUALLY is concerned about these things, she will create more academically oriented friend through studying and not being around these drinking fests.

m


Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this UVA? My first year niece is also overwhelmed at the amount of drinking. Luckily her roommate is, too, so they have each other to stay in when it gets “too much.” Suggest your daughter try to find a like soul on a night when she stays in - maybe someone to watch a movie with etc.

Also, if your daughter stayed in last night, why was she awake at 4am helping a puking hallmate? I wonder if your daughter is making herself the “den mother” or likes to insert herself into drama? Neither are bad qualities, but worth self examining since this is causing her stress.

Agree with this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Picking dorm-mates off the floor is not her job. Why does she feel like it t is? Why would she even go out with these wild kids?

It's not her job. But you really wouldn't do it? I know I would. I could not in good conscious leave a friend, blind drunk, on the floor of a fraternity party.

There was no way she was going to leave her friend there. My kids have been told never to walk alone after dark and never leave a friend anywhere. That's it. The issue is that it happens every time they go out so my DD is not having any fun, because she has to be responsible for kids who are over doing it every time. I am just praying this changes in a few weeks when grades start hitting the books and these kids understand they are going to fail out if they keep this up.