any freshman struggling a few weeks in?

[Anonymous]

OP - you give us the play-by-play of your student constantly helping the drunks but you won't name the school? Why not? Refusing to do so makes you seem like a troll.

[Anonymous]

It is her perogative.

[Anonymous]

The point is not the school, the point is that it's a huge transition and she's struggling. She'd probably be the same at any other school. Thanks for the feedback to anyone who actually had opinions and suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage her to broaden her social circle, join a club, meet people who are doing different things. There are plenty of students who are not getting wasted every night, but she won't find them at the bars or frats. You mentioned she is on a sports team, but she might need to find a group that is either more academic or less rowdy to spend some of her time with and balance out her teammates' partying.

It's also a big transition and having a lot of feelings is normal. Suggest to her that she take some quiet time for herself some evenings instead of going out, and maybe find a therapist.

The hardcore partying will die down for some groups after a few weeks, too - I work at a college and this time of year is out of control, but in a few weeks the coursework will have really ramped up and the vast majority of students will go to partying 2-3 days per week, not every day.

+1. I’m old, but I went to a good school that was still considered a “party” school and the drinking etc was crazy the first few weeks, and then really settled down as the semester went on and reality hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg what college is this? Insane drinking culture! Please tell us.

Close your eyes and point to one. I was on Reddit Northeastern today and an RA posted, "A message to the freshman class from an RA: calm the fck down before you ruin the year for everyone."

The general consensus is a larger freshman class at many colleges. Maturity stunted due to pandemic shut in when they otherwise would have been up to social shenanigans in Junior/Senior year. Sophomores are the new freshman, so add them to the mix. Double digit freshman hospitalized in one night. And other less serious, somewhat hilarious comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point is not the school, the point is that it's a huge transition and she's struggling. She'd probably be the same at any other school. Thanks for the feedback to anyone who actually had opinions and suggestions!

Harvard?

[Anonymous]

It is still really early. On the parents page of our Freshman daughter's school we have read so much about so many having a hard time being painfully homesick. And often a component of that is their roommate/suitemates/hallmates are all off living their best lives and the homesick kids haven't found their groove yet.
Consider that all of these kids have been weathering COVID for how many months now? This has to be a tougher than normal transition. And looking back on it, mine wasn't smooth as silk either and that was last century, pre-mobile phone and social media. These kids do not have it easy.
OP: I didn't read all of the posts so I am not sure how far you are from her but maybe you could get a visit in, take her to lunch but definitely not long. See her in person and see how she is doing. And maybe there are other things she could do beyond the club sports that could open the door to meeting more people.
Hang in there. Wishing her and you better days as she eases into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she hang out with nerdier more academic types?

LOL this is what we tell our daughter. Well, actually, we tell her to study on the steps of the physics building.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to work her butt off and start the transfer process. It’s quite possible to know early on that it’s not the right school for you.

[Anonymous]

OP here, just wanted to update and see how other freshman are doing. My DD is doing better, she's found a group of friends that she really likes and seems to be doing better. I am not sure the drinking has died down but its midterms and seems to be less of an issue for her. At least I haven't heard about it for a few weeks now. She seems to have found a rhythm that works for her and does not feel pressure to go out all the time like she initially did.

How is everyone else's kid doing as a freshman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, just wanted to update and see how other freshman are doing. My DD is doing better, she's found a group of friends that she really likes and seems to be doing better. I am not sure the drinking has died down but its midterms and seems to be less of an issue for her. At least I haven't heard about it for a few weeks now. She seems to have found a rhythm that works for her and does not feel pressure to go out all the time like she initially did.

How is everyone else's kid doing as a freshman?

oh and i did get her into counseling and she had her second appt last night, so hopefully that will help as well with dealing with the transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is still really early. On the parents page of our Freshman daughter's school we have read so much about so many having a hard time being painfully homesick. And often a component of that is their roommate/suitemates/hallmates are all off living their best lives and the homesick kids haven't found their groove yet.
Consider that all of these kids have been weathering COVID for how many months now? This has to be a tougher than normal transition. And looking back on it, mine wasn't smooth as silk either and that was last century, pre-mobile phone and social media. These kids do not have it easy.
OP: I didn't read all of the posts so I am not sure how far you are from her but maybe you could get a visit in, take her to lunch but definitely not long. See her in person and see how she is doing. And maybe there are other things she could do beyond the club sports that could open the door to meeting more people.
Hang in there. Wishing her and you better days as she eases into this.

My freshman year I was on a floor where the freshman were “living their ‘best’ lives” getting completely smashed every weekend. Drinking to the point that you vomit everywhere, fall down, can’t walk, pee in a bathroom, or pull your pants up after peeing isn’t funny or enjoyable to be around. I dealt with it and found away to get along with them but never joined in with the out of control drinking of this crew. Sophomore year I took a chance on a new roomate in a new dorm and thankfully got away from that crew. They never stopped “partying”. The “party” and living their best life ended when one of them mowed down a fellow student and friend with her car. She blacked out and didn’t even realize she had run her over and left her to die. A parent lost their only child and the party girl “living her best life” went to jail. Years later at a reunion most of the partiers still got loaded and fought with their spouses at reunion. Happy times. The facts are your kid is better off not binge drinking. Research shows the earlier and heavier you start drinking, the greater your chance of winding up with a problem. I wish more parents talked to their kids about these basic facts. Binge drinking really is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

You are the voice of reason.

So many parents let their kids drinking in high school. They have a million excuses. Then of course, their kids think it is NORMAL and fun to drink even more in college.

You are wise PP.

The minimum drinking age laws in the US have saved THOUSANDS of lives (and they have been through formal, scientific evaluation.)