Talk to me about being an older parent

[Anonymous]

At what age did you become a parent? How has it affected you, your partner(if you have one), your child/children? What do you wish you'd know then? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

You might get more replies if you post in general parenting.

[Anonymous]

I can speak from the perspective of the child. My mother had me when she was 44 and then had my brother 18 months later. My dad was almost 50 when I was born. I had a wonderful childhood, and didn't realize until I was much older when my parents didn't do (like running around outside playing with us). My parents at that point were very comfortable financially - so we traveled a lot, went to the theatre, concerts, museums. They had perspective which only comes from age. If I could choose, I would pick older parents every time.

[Anonymous]

I'm a child of older parents. I had a wonderful childhood and wanted for nothing. However, I hated that my parents were older than everyone else's and now they have health problems and I am only 36. I vowed to never be an old mom but infertility and pregnancy losses have made that inevitable. I advise everyone not to wait. Have kids as young as possible so you can have a long time with them.

[Anonymous]

I had one at 43. (He's my only child.) He's just two now, so I can't really say how it will all end, but I'm certainly enjoying being a parent, despite the fact that it is exhausting. I often wish for the energy level I had at 30, but I never wish I had the much smaller salary and zero paid vacation days I had back then.

I think the tradeoffs of having children older vs younger are well-known, so you just have to decide whether the costs are worth the benefits to you. I must say that I do often think that people in this area are too caught up in the idea that everything has to be perfect. Thus, if you can't have exactly two children before age 35 while you are in a monogamous Christian marriage, where the HHI is 6 figures at least, but one parent stays at home, and the children eat nothing but organic food and are in Suzuki violin at age 3, why bother? Most families have some challenges, and what is important is how you weather them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I must say that I do often think that people in this area are too caught up in the idea that everything has to be perfect. Thus, if you can't have exactly two children before age 35 while you are in a monogamous Christian marriage, where the HHI is 6 figures at least, but one parent stays at home, and the children eat nothing but organic food and are in Suzuki violin at age 3, why bother? Most families have some challenges, and what is important is how you weather them.

Well-said, pp.

[Anonymous]

Its very tiring even at age 35

[Anonymous]

Nightmare dealing with teenagers whilst going through menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nightmare dealing with teenagers whilst going through menopause.

Try dealing with toddler while going thru menopause. Will have that long done before teen years hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a child of older parents. I had a wonderful childhood and wanted for nothing. However, I hated that my parents were older than everyone else's and now they have health problems and I am only 36. I vowed to never be an old mom but infertility and pregnancy losses have made that inevitable. I advise everyone not to wait. Have kids as young as possible so you can have a long time with them.

Same here. My parents were really old but they were always older than my friend's parents. Now they are having trouble caring for and spending time with my kids b/c they are in their 70s and I have an infant and a 2 year old. Unfortunately I followed in their footsteps and I am an older mom too. In fact, I am a lot older than they were! I do regret waiting to have kdis but i had infertility issues and miscarriage so their was not much I could do. It takes time to get pregnant, stay pregnant and give birth. i would have started trying as soon as I got married if I could go back in time.But, I can't complain TOO much b/c i have 2 healthy, wonderful kids. It is a motivator to stay in shape and eat healthy.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it didn't work out well for me. My mom had me at 42 and now in my mid 30s I have toddlers and a parent who has failing health. She was always in great shape but got cancer st the age of 74 and has gone down hill quickly. It would be much easier if my kids were in grade school while this was going on. I am also an only so everything is my sole responsibility. My dad was 44 when I was born, marathon runner, successful executive, always active ect ect but died from a heart attack at 75. He has older children from a first marriage who have kind of vanished from my moms life slowly but surely. Everything was peachy till I hit my thirties when one parent died and one became very ill, now I have a baby and two toddlers who are often times dragged to chemo appointments, know the home health aid by name and are often late to preschool because I just don't have my shit together. I love my mom and my kids and it's really really tough.

[Anonymous]

I am 43. My parents married when they were 30, highly unusual for their generation. Mom was a first time Mom at 31, last baby at 36.

Vowing to be a younger mom, I had my first at 29 and last at 36.
Life has a funny way of working out.

Weird because with my oldest child, I must look very young. That crowd seems surprised that I have a child that age. Different story with my youngest...I seem to be a good decade older.

In retrospect, I still fit right in my demographic. Most of my neighbors my age have children in the age range of mine.

[Anonymous]

I will be 60 at my sons high school graduation. But I bet at least half the other parents will be too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it didn't work out well for me. My mom had me at 42 and now in my mid 30s I have toddlers and a parent who has failing health. She was always in great shape but got cancer st the age of 74 and has gone down hill quickly. It would be much easier if my kids were in grade school while this was going on. I am also an only so everything is my sole responsibility. My dad was 44 when I was born, marathon runner, successful executive, always active ect ect but died from a heart attack at 75. He has older children from a first marriage who have kind of vanished from my moms life slowly but surely. Everything was peachy till I hit my thirties when one parent died and one became very ill, now I have a baby and two toddlers who are often times dragged to chemo appointments, know the home health aid by name and are often late to preschool because I just don't have my shit together. I love my mom and my kids and it's really really tough.

PP, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is hard to care for young children and a sick parent, but you'll be glad you were there for your mom. To me, it sounds like you very much have your shit together and your priorities in place. I hope you are able to find some support through this difficult time. I lost my father years before losing my mother to cancer (while I had young children). I remember trying to be a good mother and daughter at the same time. It was so tough, but I told myself that I was being good to my children by allowing them to see me caring for my mother. I hoped that they would learn compassion from the experience and they did.

But, both my parents had me young, so it goes to show that you can't necessarily lay out plans that will ensure you are healthy through your children's child-bearing years. While I understand that you think it didn't work out well for you, it sounds like you had great parents and that you are a good parent and daughter yourself, so in that way it turned out well. Be good to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am 44, kids are 8, 6 and 4. I am constantly being called Grandma at DS 4 school (from staff) but then again the majority of his classmates have under 25 year old parents. I also notice I get more respect from the actual teacher. At extra activities, I am in good company and the over 40 are the norm.