Good Schools for Working Moms?

[Anonymous]

Our children are in a suburban K-8 middle school, and my husband and I both work. Over the last couple years we've noticed some changes to the types of parents at our school - it now seems like only a couple of the other moms work. There are only a handful of dads who seem to be actively involved in the school community, and the stay-at-home moms do pretty much everything. The moms of many of our kid's friends seem to be at the school doing something all the time. I'm not saying that's bad, but it has made my husband feel fairly left out and I find that the other moms and I have little in common: Conversation has become more difficult, and at times I even feel like my working is frowned upon. It's made us feel somewhat alienated from the school community and less friendly with other parents. Eventually, we will of course be moving our children to a new high school, and I can't help thinking there must be a school in the Bethesda area or beyond that has a higher percentage of and is a little friendlier towards working moms. If you're a working mom and have a positive feeling about your school, I'd love to hear about it. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Arlington is very supportive of families with two working parents and of single parents.

Sure, not all of the families are supportive - I just don't hang out with them. It really is ok to be a bit of an outsider from the PTA clique. Really. Be glad there are people willing to do some of that stuff, and leave it at that. I promise you there are working moms in the school - they just are too busy to hang out all morning (which may not be doing the kids any good anyway).

So, is it that the school isn't supportive, or that the parents aren't "supportive" - whatever that means.

[Anonymous]

Not my school in NW DC (not a big 3 but with tuition to match.) I feel like I'm looked down upon since I work. We've already decided to pull out next year and try elsewhere. I don't want to name it because as I'm one of the few who work, they will probably know who I am.

[Anonymous]

I'm the original poster, and I have the same issue - I'm one of the very few moms who work. At our school, it isn't a support or non-support issue - the school itself is fine. It's really a social issue. We like to be friends with the parents of your kids' friends, and as the years have gone by it seems like we connect less and less with these other families.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and I feel sad about this thread. I often feel really guilty that I stay busy at the school rather than go out and do real, useful, productive work with a salary. I absolutely respect and like the working moms of my DC's classmates and cringe that they might feel judged just because they don't spend endless hours at the school. I suspect that I am not alone in this feeling, so please, do what is right for you and your family without regard to what others might or might not be thinking about your choices.

[Anonymous]

I get feeling left out and like you do not relate to others, but are you willing to pull your kids out of school so YOU can fit? I agree with the poster who said you do NOT have to be part of the PTA pack? Is this the message you want to send to your kids? Are YOU insecure or is it the environment? I don't know, but there is NEVER an ideal situation, you should accept that now. There have got to be parents like you...find them and build a bridge. I think it is unfair for you to move your children based solely on your needs....flame away.

[Anonymous]

One thing you might try is to actually ask for help from the SAHMs. Maybe it's because we have been with eachother for 5 years, and we apparently will need to be with eachother for another 9, that I have just become comfortable finally asking for help. I'll ask one to take my son to baseball practice, or I'll ask one to deliver a message to my son at pick up that I'll be there to pick him up at such and such time. I found that immediately they were so happy to help me that I felt guilty I haven't been trying harder with them. I think a lot of this chasm between working moms and SAHMs is perceived. In any case, I'm now totally dependent upon the SAHMs in my school and I'm so thankful that they are there and happy to help me in a pinch (which is often).

[Anonymous]

Good point PP

[Anonymous]

I am a working mom (with a busy job too, so somehow that makes it worse) and feel the same way. But this is what I don't get -- where are all the working moms? All the stats say that there are more and more of us, but at my kids' school I am one of the only ones.

[Anonymous]

17:21 - Are you going to explain to my child who keeps asking why he can't go the "so-and-so's" birthday party because a parent has decided to hold it during the school week right after school ends and I have to work? It breaks my heart to have to explain to my child that going to the party along with the rest of the classmates is out of the question because Mommy works and can't leave early to pick him up from aftercare so I can take him? I know parents feel obligated to invite every child in the class, but when you hand out invitations and decide to have a party on a school/working day, isn't that alienating working parents and their child/children?

It broke my heart to explain to my child - who's eyes were filled with tears - that Mommy has to work and therefore he cannot attend the party. That's why we're pulling out next year and seeking a duel working parent friendly school.

[Anonymous]

PP, have you tried asking for another mother to shuttle? At least at my son's school, I get nothing but offers every time there is an after school event (maybe partly because I just started asking away early on...at this point I think I have built strong relationships with them, strengthened through the number of phone calls/emails they get from me (asking for favors). It does seem like everyone is happy to help.

[Anonymous]

It broke my heart to explain to my child - who's eyes were filled with tears - that Mommy has to work and therefore he cannot attend the party. That's why we're pulling out next year and seeking a duel working parent friendly school.

Look, I know from heartbreak too. But I still think this is about you, more than dc.

In this situation, is there really not another parent who can take your child from school to the party? then you reciprocate by inviting their child into your home on the weekend, or to a pizza dinner out, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:21 - Are you going to explain to my child who keeps asking why he can't go the "so-and-so's" birthday party because a parent has decided to hold it during the school week right after school ends and I have to work? It breaks my heart to have to explain to my child that going to the party along with the rest of the classmates is out of the question because Mommy works and can't leave early to pick him up from aftercare so I can take him? I know parents feel obligated to invite every child in the class, but when you hand out invitations and decide to have a party on a school/working day, isn't that alienating working parents and their child/children?

It broke my heart to explain to my child - who's eyes were filled with tears - that Mommy has to work and therefore he cannot attend the party. That's why we're pulling out next year and seeking a duel working parent friendly school.

Really?? What school has a parent body that holds birthday parties after school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17:21 - Are you going to explain to my child who keeps asking why he can't go the "so-and-so's" birthday party because a parent has decided to hold it during the school week right after school ends and I have to work? It breaks my heart to have to explain to my child that going to the party along with the rest of the classmates is out of the question because Mommy works and can't leave early to pick him up from aftercare so I can take him? I know parents feel obligated to invite every child in the class, but when you hand out invitations and decide to have a party on a school/working day, isn't that alienating working parents and their child/children?

It broke my heart to explain to my child - who's eyes were filled with tears - that Mommy has to work and therefore he cannot attend the party. That's why we're pulling out next year and seeking a duel working parent friendly school.

Really?? What school has a parent body that holds birthday parties after school?

Many parents hold parties after school. It is more convenient and one often finds sahms driving groups and other moms also participating. SAHMS give up income and in some situations do feel that they should not be performing as some other child's parent or nanny. My children were invited to parties afterschool by working parents since it can be more convenient for them as well. Many children and families have things on the weekend like sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17:21 - Are you going to explain to my child who keeps asking why he can't go the "so-and-so's" birthday party because a parent has decided to hold it during the school week right after school ends and I have to work? It breaks my heart to have to explain to my child that going to the party along with the rest of the classmates is out of the question because Mommy works and can't leave early to pick him up from aftercare so I can take him? I know parents feel obligated to invite every child in the class, but when you hand out invitations and decide to have a party on a school/working day, isn't that alienating working parents and their child/children?

It broke my heart to explain to my child - who's eyes were filled with tears - that Mommy has to work and therefore he cannot attend the party. That's why we're pulling out next year and seeking a duel working parent friendly school.

Really?? What school has a parent body that holds birthday parties after school?

even some public schools, it seems
cos weekends are soccer all day