Too exhausted for TTC weeknight sex

[Anonymous]

DH and I don't have any children, and it's our first time TTC. However, we both work full-time, get home from work late, and ovulation seems to fall in the middle of the week. I am so exhausted that it is very difficult to get in the mood and have the energy for weeknight sex. I guess next cycle we'll have to go to bed super early and try to get 10 hours of sleep in order to have more energy for it.

[Anonymous]

Girlfriend, if you don't have the energy now as a childless couple, I doubt you will ever have more than one. If you are this tired now you might also want to consider how you are going to handle the real exhaustion that comes from taking care of a small child. We are TTC #2 now and the reality is if this is a priority, you make the time for it and suck it up. You're currently childless - why can't you just have sex first thing when you get home?

[Anonymous]

Just do it. We are TTC#2 and tired also (both work ft and chase after our toddler, who woke this morning at 445!) - it just comes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend, if you don't have the energy now as a childless couple, I doubt you will ever have more than one. If you are this tired now you might also want to consider how you are going to handle the real exhaustion that comes from taking care of a small child. We are TTC #2 now and the reality is if this is a priority, you make the time for it and suck it up. You're currently childless - why can't you just have sex first thing when you get home?

I know I can only handle one child. I am not a very high energy person. Next cycle we need to plan better, get way more sleep so I have more energy when I come home. Right when I come home is when I have the least energy--drained from the workday. I need an hour to recharge, and then eat dinner, and then I have a bit more energy. Sex is also quite painful for me, so this is a factor also. Gyn has not been of any help with that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend, if you don't have the energy now as a childless couple, I doubt you will ever have more than one. If you are this tired now you might also want to consider how you are going to handle the real exhaustion that comes from taking care of a small child. We are TTC #2 now and the reality is if this is a priority, you make the time for it and suck it up. You're currently childless - why can't you just have sex first thing when you get home?

I know I can only handle one child. I am not a very high energy person. Next cycle we need to plan better, get way more sleep so I have more energy when I come home. Right when I come home is when I have the least energy--drained from the workday. I need an hour to recharge, and then eat dinner, and then I have a bit more energy. Sex is also quite painful for me, so this is a factor also. Gyn has not been of any help with that problem.

Lube? Try pre-seed. What kind of jobs do you guys do? Why are you so low-energy? Could their be dietary/fitness issues at play? Not trying to be snarky at all, but you may want to think these things through a bit. We changed a lot of our health habits after having a child. They are a huge demand on your time and energy and saying "mommy is too tired" just doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend, if you don't have the energy now as a childless couple, I doubt you will ever have more than one. If you are this tired now you might also want to consider how you are going to handle the real exhaustion that comes from taking care of a small child. We are TTC #2 now and the reality is if this is a priority, you make the time for it and suck it up. You're currently childless - why can't you just have sex first thing when you get home?

I know I can only handle one child. I am not a very high energy person. Next cycle we need to plan better, get way more sleep so I have more energy when I come home. Right when I come home is when I have the least energy--drained from the workday. I need an hour to recharge, and then eat dinner, and then I have a bit more energy. Sex is also quite painful for me, so this is a factor also. Gyn has not been of any help with that problem.

Lube? Try pre-seed. What kind of jobs do you guys do? Why are you so low-energy? Could their be dietary/fitness issues at play? Not trying to be snarky at all, but you may want to think these things through a bit. We changed a lot of our health habits after having a child. They are a huge demand on your time and energy and saying "mommy is too tired" just doesn't work.

OP here. I got tons of bloodwork done in the last few months to prepare for TTC. They found nothing. I am just a low energy person. Always have been. I need 9 solid hours of sleep to feel good, otherwise I feel tired and dragging. DH has a very high stress, 80 hour per week job, my job is a normal job but it tires me out--very busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend, if you don't have the energy now as a childless couple, I doubt you will ever have more than one. If you are this tired now you might also want to consider how you are going to handle the real exhaustion that comes from taking care of a small child. We are TTC #2 now and the reality is if this is a priority, you make the time for it and suck it up. You're currently childless - why can't you just have sex first thing when you get home?

I know I can only handle one child. I am not a very high energy person. Next cycle we need to plan better, get way more sleep so I have more energy when I come home. Right when I come home is when I have the least energy--drained from the workday. I need an hour to recharge, and then eat dinner, and then I have a bit more energy. Sex is also quite painful for me, so this is a factor also. Gyn has not been of any help with that problem.

Lube? Try pre-seed. What kind of jobs do you guys do? Why are you so low-energy? Could their be dietary/fitness issues at play? Not trying to be snarky at all, but you may want to think these things through a bit. We changed a lot of our health habits after having a child. They are a huge demand on your time and energy and saying "mommy is too tired" just doesn't work.

OP here. I got tons of bloodwork done in the last few months to prepare for TTC. They found nothing. I am just a low energy person. Always have been. I need 9 solid hours of sleep to feel good, otherwise I feel tired and dragging. DH has a very high stress, 80 hour per week job, my job is a normal job but it tires me out--very busy.

Bloodwork doesn't really address dietary issues that might affect your energy level, though. Eating well - especially lots of fresh produce - has helped us a lot, as has getting more exercise. Forcing yourself to exercise will eventually pay off in this regard. Just saying you might want to think about other ways you can have a positive impact on your energy level other than trying to "store sleep." It will serve you well while TTC, while pregnant, during childbirth, and definitely when dealing with the sleep deprivation that comes from taking care of a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend, if you don't have the energy now as a childless couple, I doubt you will ever have more than one. If you are this tired now you might also want to consider how you are going to handle the real exhaustion that comes from taking care of a small child. We are TTC #2 now and the reality is if this is a priority, you make the time for it and suck it up. You're currently childless - why can't you just have sex first thing when you get home?

I know I can only handle one child. I am not a very high energy person. Next cycle we need to plan better, get way more sleep so I have more energy when I come home. Right when I come home is when I have the least energy--drained from the workday. I need an hour to recharge, and then eat dinner, and then I have a bit more energy. Sex is also quite painful for me, so this is a factor also. Gyn has not been of any help with that problem.

Lube? Try pre-seed. What kind of jobs do you guys do? Why are you so low-energy? Could their be dietary/fitness issues at play? Not trying to be snarky at all, but you may want to think these things through a bit. We changed a lot of our health habits after having a child. They are a huge demand on your time and energy and saying "mommy is too tired" just doesn't work.

OP here. I got tons of bloodwork done in the last few months to prepare for TTC. They found nothing. I am just a low energy person. Always have been. I need 9 solid hours of sleep to feel good, otherwise I feel tired and dragging. DH has a very high stress, 80 hour per week job, my job is a normal job but it tires me out--very busy.

Bloodwork doesn't really address dietary issues that might affect your energy level, though. Eating well - especially lots of fresh produce - has helped us a lot, as has getting more exercise. Forcing yourself to exercise will eventually pay off in this regard. Just saying you might want to think about other ways you can have a positive impact on your energy level other than trying to "store sleep." It will serve you well while TTC, while pregnant, during childbirth, and definitely when dealing with the sleep deprivation that comes from taking care of a newborn.

NP here. I agree with everything this PP is telling you, OP. I have a toddler and it is the most demanding, exhausting thing in the world to have a young child (and caring for a newborn is literally the most exhausting thing I have ever done).

I also think you need to figure out why you are so tired -- if you don't have energy for sex, you may not have energy for a baby. I think adding exercise and examining your diet (do you eat a lot of starch? Do you eat a lot of processed food? Too much caffeine or alcohol?) is a good start.

No matter what, when you have a child, you have to suck it up or make changes. You can't be "low energy" with someone who depends on you for everything.

[Anonymous]

I just want to express my sympathy-- TTC sex can easily turn into a source of frustration, if not a chore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to express my sympathy-- TTC sex can easily turn into a source of frustration, if not a chore.

First PP here and I totally agree. We are in the midst of that now but we are both on the same page. So we use the pre-seed, bust out a quickie, and then hold hands and pray that we'll conceive soon so that we can go back to having sex when we are in the mood and without pressure. But we are in it to win it, so to speak!

[Anonymous]

Get some preseed and just do it. Aim for nights before and night of ovulation. Its hard, not romantic and frankly at times chore. If you really want a baby just let your husband make the deposit. Is it nice if your in the mood and all, yes, but fact is never gonna be perfect time and it isn't going to always end I. Blissful O when you are doing it exhausted and on demand.

[Anonymous]

Just do it. You and your husband just have to suck it up and have some sex. Maybe in the morning would work better. Maybe watch some porn with your husband or something to make him super turned on. If you are tired then do lots foreplay/ arising things for him and then DTD won't be so long. I know its not very romantic but its reality and this is from someone who ttc for 30 mos before actually getting a bfp. If you are too tired then just wait until next month but, in the future, don't then complain about how long it's taking you to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have energy now, then you will be in trouble when you have kids. They are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

OP - it doesn't have to be at night. Do it when you first wake up in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have energy now, then you will be in trouble when you have kids. They are exhausting.

+ 1.

Two years out and I haven't had 9 hours of sleep...ever. OP, you may want to re-examine whether your needs match up with being a mom. Not being snarky, but it's not for everyone.