Did your parents ever Throw out your toys or things as a consequence?

[Anonymous]

I remember a friend doing this to their child and I thought how horrible never mind what an expensive way to teach a lesson. Now that I am a parent, I see the frustration and I have done it myself. This is after I give warnings, take the toy away for a while ( toy vacation), give other consequences and i get fed up. I feel awful later. My question is will there be long term negative effects? I did give warnings.

[Anonymous]

Taking a toy away for a few hours/day is usually enough. Throwing it away is counter-productive.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Or sometimes they would break it.

[Anonymous]

When we were little, one of my cousins had a pair of cowboy boots he LOVED. He wore them every day and slept in them. Well, one day we were out with my aunt and we stopped at a gas station. She was leaning over his seat talking to him, trying to get him to do something - I forget exactly- and he kicked her in the stomach! She ripped the cowboy boots off his feet and threw them in the trash can right there at the gas pump and we drove away. It was the most awesome thing I had ever seen. (I was about 10.)

[Anonymous]

I do not think that is awesome......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not think that is awesome......

That's just like, your opinion, man.

[Anonymous]

My mom threw my beloved blanket away after warning me too many times not to leave it on the floor. It makes me sad still. I put my own kids toys in time out- throwing them out seems excessive and spiteful.

[Anonymous]

Spiteful, cruel and the behavior of a bully. You can be a parent without being a tyrant. Yes, my parents did this kind of thing, to include cutting off all of my hair when I was 7 or 8 and didn't brush it to my father's satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

That just sounds horrible. I can think of a few similarly beloved items that my mother still has at her house, because memories of how much I loved those items still mean something to her. When your kid's grown, wouldn't you still love to have those little boots or blanket?

Little children are vulnerable, and adults need to show them how to use power responsibly. Throwing away a child's beloved toy in the heat of an angry moment isn't using power responsibly.

[Anonymous]

My mom's parents threw her dolls away once. She's 57 and STILL talks about it. And is very obsessed with dolls. There was definitely a lot of other trauma there, but yah.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty open to all parenting styles, whether I would employ them or not. I don't even judge parents who spank on occasion. I find this practice very cruel. My parents never did that, and I don't think I would have recovered if they had. I don't know what message it sends to kids, but I can't imagine it's a good one.

Caveat: if getting rid of the toy is a natural consequence in a particular situation, I could see it being appropriate. If a kid keeps shooting the baby with a nerf gun, or is constantly putting marbles in his mouth or something.

[Anonymous]

Nope, my parents never did that. We were kind of poor. I don't think it would even occur to them. And my in-laws, who are South Asian and even poorer, would definitely never have done such a thing, though I can imagine them saying, "If you cannot take proper care of this and show it respect, we will give it to your cousin who can."

I am just not sure, from the point of view of a little kid even, let alone many adults, this disciplinary method is teaching the lesson you think you might be imparting.

[Anonymous]

I can still tell you the two books my mother threw out when she found out I was hiding books in the bathroom so I could read in peace and not get yelled at. One was the Baby-Sitters on Board book from the Baby-sitters Club where they all go on a cruise, and the other was The Little Gymnast by Sheila Haigh about a girl named Anda.

It made a big impression obviously, but I still continued to hide books in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

My parents did. They'd come upstairs out of the blue with no warning carrying a black trash bag and grab everything in sight. I didn't even have a ton of toys growing up and from what I remember I didn't do anything wrong.

I can understand taking toys away as part of a consequence but unless it's extreme taking toys away for good seems unnecessary. Taking a toy away for a period of time as a punishment, or encouraging donation of toys you no longer play with is ok.

[Anonymous]

I think it would depend on how attached the child was to the toy, to some extent. Tossing playdoh because DC can't keep it on the table = not spiteful or mean. Toy vacations are totally fine.

But i can tell you that my stepfather took a big black garbage bag and rounded up many of my stuffed animals and books one afternoon, put me in the car and drove to a dumpster. My room was messy and he was tired of it. I was an only child and my animals were quite real to me. It affected me profoundly and was an event I had to work out in therapy.