Wife is cheating. I need free or deeply discounted therapy. Please help.

[Anonymous]

I just found out that my wife has been having an (emotional?) affair. If you met us two months ago we'd make you sick to your stomach because we're so lovey dovey. We don't argue, we still act like newlyweds even after nine years and you would swear we were cut from the same cloth. Two months ago we went out to dinner and talked about how we'd never been happier.

Three weeks ago she innocently reconnected with an old friend from high school on Christmas (Facebook), and things quickly spiraled out of control. She's been distant for three weeks and cold, which isn't her. So for the first time I checked her email hoping to find a clue. Maybe she emailed a friend to complain about something I did. Instead I found three weeks of emails between her and this guy who turns out to be an exboyfriend and they consider each other "the one that got away."

Three weeks later, she's sending naked pictures, painfully explicit details of her sexual fantasies of him and they planned to get together for her birthday during a trip that she told me was supposed to be "girls weekend away." The most painful part was Friday's email where she said that she thinks she's ready to leave me and our two year old daughter to be with him three states away.

I confronted her and she didn't hesitate to own up to it. She said she wanted him and not me. I left. Later that night she called begging me to come back. It turns out that he turned her down. He said he had no plans to leave his girlfriend for her. Now she wants me back and swears that it isn't just because he said no. I don't care what the reason is, I don't trust her. I've been through a ton of bad things as a child and teenager, but she was the first and only person I ever trusted completely. She betrayed it and if he hadn't said no, she would've left me and my daughter high and dry.

I've been a stay at home dad for the last three years and so I don't have my own money to leave. I'm not close with my family and I don't have friends close enough to go stay with. I have no options, but being here with her is emotionally challenging. I want to go see a therapist, but with very little money I don't know if I can afford it. Are there any free counseling services available?

I find myself going from calm to extremely angry at the drop of a hat. Today is the first time that I have ever yelled at and cursed at my three year old. She didn't do anything wrong and I tried to catch myself, but I couldn't. I'm just angry and hurt and depressed and I have no one to talk to it with or any way to escape and just be by myself. Yesterday my wife and I had sex even though I knew I shouldn't, and I don't want her thinking everything is okay. I told her after that it wasn't, but we did it anyway and then this morning I woke up completely pissed and angry. I checked her email and she's still trying to "just be friends" with the guy.

I'm trying to stay calm, but I just punched a hole in my wall. I need to talk to someone. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

You need to be in joint counseling now. stat. Do you have health insurance? can you find someone who takes your insurance? if not, do you have a faith? someone of the clergy you can go to jointly? You probably should see someone on your own too--perhaps someone else on this board can help you with that, but what strikes me is that your wife is still 'trying to be friends' with this guy. If she wants to save the marriage, she has to cut off all contact ASAP, you need to explore things in counseling together and she needs to figure out why this fantasy/escape is so powerful to her.

I'm so sorry. So painful. Maybe this will lead to some serious discussions and change in your marriage so that it will ultimately be strengthened but not without a lot of painful work. Also, can you take a day or two off from your child, have your wife stay home? Maybe a little time on your own would be helpful. see a friend, family, etc.

[Anonymous]

PP here, sorry. I saw that you don't' have friends nearby or family.

You could ask your wife to find somewhere else to stay for a while, why should you leave?. She made this mess. Although for the sake of your daughter, I'd have her around until child goes to bed.

[Anonymous]

Try calling the Women's Center - they have counseling services.

[Anonymous]

Churches have counseling groups so this might not be a bad way to go for more support. Another marriage problem facilitated by Facebook......where the past never completely goes away.

[Anonymous]

OP, not sure where you work, but many employers have confidential employee assistance programs that provide referrals for short-term counseling. Might this be an option for you?

[Anonymous]

You might also try the Washington School of Psychiatry in Friendship Heights. They offer discounted psychotherapy.

[Anonymous]

The University of MD has a high quality low fee counseling program through the Center for Healthy Families where you can see counseling students for a low fee. Check out other schools close to you for similar programs. The students are all supervised by licensed professionals.

[Anonymous]

George Washington University also has a clinic similar to the one at U of MD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Churches have counseling groups so this might not be a bad way to go for more support. Another marriage problem facilitated by Facebook......where the past never completely goes away.

Yup. Facebook has already broken up 4 of my friends marriages. In all four cases, the wives left them to be with ex-high school or college boyfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Churches have counseling groups so this might not be a bad way to go for more support. Another marriage problem facilitated by Facebook......where the past never completely goes away.

Yup. Facebook has already broken up 4 of my friends marriages. In all four cases, the wives left them to be with ex-high school or college boyfriends.

Yes, let's blame facebook

[Anonymous]

So, so sorry OP. Do not leave the home. Stay with your daughter.

You may find some good advice from other husbands who have been in your situation at www.survivinginfidelity.com

If you can't get to counseling right away, at least you will find some help on the forums on that site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Churches have counseling groups so this might not be a bad way to go for more support. Another marriage problem facilitated by Facebook......where the past never completely goes away.

Yup. Facebook has already broken up 4 of my friends marriages. In all four cases, the wives left them to be with ex-high school or college boyfriends.

This is the reason men should not get married. Women are bigger pigs than us and because they can find sex a lot easier than the average guy, marriage is asking for trouble and getting your heart broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try calling the Women's Center - they have counseling services.

they also have militant women that will twist it around so that it's his fault

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I know what you guys mean about the women's center.
I am so sorry, op.
Please make sure you get relief from child care whenever you need it. It can be oh, so isolating.