Wife is cheating. I need free or deeply discounted therapy. Please help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP you sound incredibly beta and passive. That would be a major turnoff to any woman. Have you asked her how she feels about you?

OP here.

I think it comes across that way, because I'm a tad bit depressed due to the circumstances. I will concede that I make it a point to be more "accommodating" in my marriage than the stereotypical man would be. It's not due to weakness, low self esteem or even fear of her leaving. I just grew up with an asshole for a father who treated me like gold but all of the women in his life like crap. He openly cheated, beat up his wife and made it his point to try and teach me how to "handle" women.

It is possible that my staying at home with our daughter, handling the day to day affairs around the house, and assuming the role of "nagging spouse" to remind her to put her work projects down and focus on our daughter in the evening might have caused me to become unattractive to her these past few years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I know what I'm worth and this board is filled with women who wish their husbands would do a third of the things that I do freely and willingly. If she can't respect and appreciate that, and if she isn't mature enough to talk to me about it rather than lying to my face and carrying on an affair with a guy who couldn't even be my understudy, then that shows me what she's worth and it isn't much.

I'm hurt, but I'll get over it and I will eventually find someone who likes "betas," IF that's what I am.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a really great guy, OP. My DH also has a non-traditional role and I don't think any less of him - just the opposite. I think he's an amazing guy to enjoy caring for our kids. My father was a fucking asshole, abusive and just horrible. My DH is the opposite of him and is perfect for me. There's nothing passive about him and I don't see anything passive about you. I'm really sorry you're going through this and am glad to hear you're finding support. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are excusing your wife's behavior. You are a stay at home parent, your coworkers if you will are other stay at home parents, most of whom will be women. Your wife's job may be demmanding but that doesn't mean you don't get the oppertunity to persue a couple of your own interests. If she loved you, that would be a priority for her. It sounds like she was using work to escape given what you say about nagging her to put her work projects down to focus on the family. I also wonder just how much of her time and energy was spent on work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my wife has been having an (emotional?) affair. If you met us two months ago we'd make you sick to your stomach because we're so lovey dovey. We don't argue, we still act like newlyweds even after nine years and you would swear we were cut from the same cloth. Two months ago we went out to dinner and talked about how we'd never been happier.

Three weeks ago she innocently reconnected with an old friend from high school on Christmas (Facebook), and things quickly spiraled out of control. She's been distant for three weeks and cold, which isn't her. So for the first time I checked her email hoping to find a clue. Maybe she emailed a friend to complain about something I did. Instead I found three weeks of emails between her and this guy who turns out to be an exboyfriend and they consider each other "the one that got away."

Three weeks later, she's sending naked pictures, painfully explicit details of her sexual fantasies of him and they planned to get together for her birthday during a trip that she told me was supposed to be "girls weekend away." The most painful part was Friday's email where she said that she thinks she's ready to leave me and our two year old daughter to be with him three states away.

I confronted her and she didn't hesitate to own up to it. She said she wanted him and not me. I left. Later that night she called begging me to come back. It turns out that he turned her down. He said he had no plans to leave his girlfriend for her. Now she wants me back and swears that it isn't just because he said no. I don't care what the reason is, I don't trust her. I've been through a ton of bad things as a child and teenager, but she was the first and only person I ever trusted completely. She betrayed it and if he hadn't said no, she would've left me and my daughter high and dry.

I've been a stay at home dad for the last three years and so I don't have my own money to leave. I'm not close with my family and I don't have friends close enough to go stay with. I have no options, but being here with her is emotionally challenging. I want to go see a therapist, but with very little money I don't know if I can afford it. Are there any free counseling services available?

I find myself going from calm to extremely angry at the drop of a hat. Today is the first time that I have ever yelled at and cursed at my three year old. She didn't do anything wrong and I tried to catch myself, but I couldn't. I'm just angry and hurt and depressed and I have no one to talk to it with or any way to escape and just be by myself. Yesterday my wife and I had sex even though I knew I shouldn't, and I don't want her thinking everything is okay. I told her after that it wasn't, but we did it anyway and then this morning I woke up completely pissed and angry. I checked her email and she's still trying to "just be friends" with the guy.

I'm trying to stay calm, but I just punched a hole in my wall. I need to talk to someone. What can I do?

You can get a job so you have some self-respect as a man. Then may be she can learn to respect you.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear about this! Have you had any luck finding a therapist yet?

[boyleanne]

I feel sad thinking about this, how can a mother left her own daughter for "the other man"
As for you, I hope you'll be healed from all those hurts that your wife had caused you. I can advice you to join sunday services at Lakewood Church, Houston Texas. They have free counseling and Pastor Joel is really anointed in giving hope. or you can watch their podcast.

[Anonymous]

OP, do not get her pregnant again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Churches have counseling groups so this might not be a bad way to go for more support. Another marriage problem facilitated by Facebook......where the past never completely goes away.

Yup. Facebook has already broken up 4 of my friends marriages. In all four cases, the wives left them to be with ex-high school or college boyfriends.

Yes, let's blame facebook [/quote

FB was a part if my cheating spouse scenario. When I laid it all out for our therapist, he sighed and said, "I swear FB will be the end of more marriages.... ".

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Thank you 10:41 and 9:37 and 18:05.
17:13- I found one and have been to a couple of sessions.

I moved out. I'm sitting in my empty apartment wondering whether or not it was a huge mistake. I confronted her about the continued contact and told her I had to go. The anger was at a level that wasn't safe for any of us, so I signed a lease the next day and left.

Still hurt, lonely and depressed, but even this feels better than how I felt in that house.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are brave and bold. My DH has had an emotional affair going on one year now and I have been waiting for him to move out. He hasn't because he wants to find out about his legal rights to custody, etc.

I have been working outside the home until December when I lost my job. I thought I wouldn't be able to rent a place since I didn't have an income. More power to you! A big hug, because I have an idea of how you may be feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thank you 10:41 and 9:37 and 18:05.
17:13- I found one and have been to a couple of sessions.

I moved out. I'm sitting in my empty apartment wondering whether or not it was a huge mistake. I confronted her about the continued contact and told her I had to go. The anger was at a level that wasn't safe for any of us, so I signed a lease the next day and left.

Still hurt, lonely and depressed, but even this feels better than how I felt in that house.

You were with someone that didn't respect you. That hurts way more than being alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thank you 10:41 and 9:37 and 18:05.
17:13- I found one and have been to a couple of sessions.

I moved out. I'm sitting in my empty apartment wondering whether or not it was a huge mistake. I confronted her about the continued contact and told her I had to go. The anger was at a level that wasn't safe for any of us, so I signed a lease the next day and left.

Still hurt, lonely and depressed, but even this feels better than how I felt in that house.

OP, is your daughter with you?

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

OP Here,

11:17-- Indeed.
13:34-- I have her in the mornings (until I find a job) and every other evening.

1:09-- Thank you. You hang in there too. The worst part about not working, whether it's due to SAH or job loss, is that you feel forced to stay in an unhappy situation.

I didn't think I'd be able to find a place, but my apartment community has a relocation guarantee that essentially waives the application process (income verification, credit check, etc) and just moves you into a new community.

[Anonymous]

NP Here. OP Kudos to you for doing the right thing and moving out without taking your wifes BS. Your wife sounds like a souless person for even thinking of abandoning a precious innocent child. She does not deserve to be a mother and your daughter needs a better female role model to look up to. Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I work in a male dominated field and I have encountered a lot of colleagues who have been in a similar situation as you. It is really rocky at first but they are much better stonger parents as a result. Hang in there. Things can only get better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP Here. OP Kudos to you for doing the right thing and moving out without taking your wifes BS. Your wife sounds like a souless person for even thinking of abandoning a precious innocent child. She does not deserve to be a mother and your daughter needs a better female role model to look up to. Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I work in a male dominated field and I have encountered a lot of colleagues who have been in a similar situation as you. It is really rocky at first but they are much better stonger parents as a result. Hang in there. Things can only get better!

OP, if you have the evidence of your STBX planning to leave you+the kid, show it to a lawyer he/she will be able to make legal hay of it. I'm sure most of the time plans to abandon the kid are dimly viewed and are leverage as you negotiate the settlement ... also make sure you have the paperwork/etc. in place so your STBX won't try and claim YOU abandoned the kid.