My daughter is the only white girl in her grade: ask me anything

[Anonymous]

I would be very surprised if the Latino kids in a Title 1 school are white. In Latin America, skin color and SES go hand in hand as they do in much of the world. The white Hispanic parents are all angling for LAMB and Mundo Verde.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

Thank you! That is exactly what I was thinking.

PP- Still not reading ... School is majority Hispanic not black.

It doesn't matter, that's irrelevant. The issue is that this post portrays the situation like her child is in some crazy, exotic situation.

OP here.

The target audience of this post, specifically, was white families of PK students who are apprehensive about their white children being in a majority minority school for social reasons. This is something that comes up on almost every post about a majority minority school: what will the social experience of a white child be in a majority minority classroom? What sorts of issues will children have in those situations, etc.

For what it's worth, I talked to DD about this last night. I asked her if there was anything she'd noticed about school, whether she was different from other kids in some way. She said, "Well, a lot of them speak Spanish. I wish I spoke more Spanish." I told her we could work on that if she wanted to, and she was excited. I asked her if she'd noticed that she was the only white kid in her class, and she said yes. I asked her what she thought of that, and she kind of rolled her eyes and was like, "Mom, they're just my friends. Some of them are black and some of them are Hispanic. But they're just my friends." I told her that there were people who wondered if things felt different for her because she's white and the rest of the class isn't and asked if anyone had ever teased her because of that before, and she said no, nothing like that had ever happened. Then she launched into a monologue about a problem she had with a boy in her class last year (who is in her class this year too), and ended the story with, "But it's not because he's black. It's because he has bad behavior. White kids have bad behavior too."

OP, sorry but the way you titled and framed this thread is deeply disingenuous. If most/ all students are Hispanic, some of them will surely be white--as white (if not more) than your DD.

So what's the deal exactly.

I think this was actually addressed very early in the thread. I don't think that any reasonable person would consider my school to be 60% white, 30% black and 10% other races (including non-Latino white people). While you are technically correct that Latino students are classified as "white", I think you are missing the point, which is that the people I hoped to answer questions for were the non-Latino white parents who are apprehensive about sending their non-Latino white child to a school with a student body that is 60% Latino, 30% black, and 10% other races.

Also, you're not sorry, so don't preface your comments with "sorry."

Surprise surprise:

This Hispanic parent believes that, if your school is "60% white, 30% black and 10% other races," well, your school is exactly "60% white, 30% black and 10% other races."

Please don't manipulate facts, trying to coopt us with "cute titles" into your very narrow white vs. non-white agenda. Open a thread titled "AMA: Why my daughter loves her Hispanic-majority school"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

Thank you! That is exactly what I was thinking.

PP- Still not reading ... School is majority Hispanic not black.

It doesn't matter, that's irrelevant. The issue is that this post portrays the situation like her child is in some crazy, exotic situation.

OP here.

The target audience of this post, specifically, was white families of PK students who are apprehensive about their white children being in a majority minority school for social reasons. This is something that comes up on almost every post about a majority minority school: what will the social experience of a white child be in a majority minority classroom? What sorts of issues will children have in those situations, etc.

For what it's worth, I talked to DD about this last night. I asked her if there was anything she'd noticed about school, whether she was different from other kids in some way. She said, "Well, a lot of them speak Spanish. I wish I spoke more Spanish." I told her we could work on that if she wanted to, and she was excited. I asked her if she'd noticed that she was the only white kid in her class, and she said yes. I asked her what she thought of that, and she kind of rolled her eyes and was like, "Mom, they're just my friends. Some of them are black and some of them are Hispanic. But they're just my friends." I told her that there were people who wondered if things felt different for her because she's white and the rest of the class isn't and asked if anyone had ever teased her because of that before, and she said no, nothing like that had ever happened. Then she launched into a monologue about a problem she had with a boy in her class last year (who is in her class this year too), and ended the story with, "But it's not because he's black. It's because he has bad behavior. White kids have bad behavior too."

OP, sorry but the way you titled and framed this thread is deeply disingenuous. If most/ all students are Hispanic, some of them will surely be white--as white (if not more) than your DD.

So what's the deal exactly.

I think this was actually addressed very early in the thread. I don't think that any reasonable person would consider my school to be 60% white, 30% black and 10% other races (including non-Latino white people). While you are technically correct that Latino students are classified as "white", I think you are missing the point, which is that the people I hoped to answer questions for were the non-Latino white parents who are apprehensive about sending their non-Latino white child to a school with a student body that is 60% Latino, 30% black, and 10% other races.

Also, you're not sorry, so don't preface your comments with "sorry."

Surprise surprise:

This Hispanic parent believes that, if your school is "60% white, 30% black and 10% other races," well, your school is exactly "60% white, 30% black and 10% other races."

Please don't manipulate facts, trying to coopt us with "cute titles" into your very narrow white vs. non-white agenda. Open a thread titled "AMA: Why my daughter loves her Hispanic-majority school"

Thanks. Next time I open an AMA on DCUM (which will be never), I will be sure to use exactly the words that you request, though I will substitute the word "Hispanic" for "Latino" since "Hispanic" excludes non-Spanish speaking Latin Americans. Is that okay?

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who wrote about Nuture Shock and talking to kids about race. I think it's great that you had that explicit conversation with your daughter. You've made it clear that it's a non-taboo topic of conversation and made it more likely that she'd talk to you if any issues ever arose that troubled her. I don't think it is harmful to speak in such a frank way with kids and, in fact, I think it is enormously helpful, so kudos to you.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine the world where I wouldn't send my child to the best school which is an option. Such different philosophies...

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is going to matter whether your daughter is the only "white girl" in her grade. However, if she is a different SES than everyone else in her grade, that may create some issues and tensions as she gets older. Not in K, because all little kids love to run around and have fun and play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As an African American parent, I find this post very troubling- the freak show aspect of it (come talk to me about what it is like to be surrounded by those black people) and the parents that are asking the most inane questions. This anonymous board just allows people to do things they would never do in real life.

Thank you! That is exactly what I was thinking.

PP- Still not reading ... School is majority Hispanic not black.

It doesn't matter, that's irrelevant. The issue is that this post portrays the situation like her child is in some crazy, exotic situation.

OP here.

The target audience of this post, specifically, was white families of PK students who are apprehensive about their white children being in a majority minority school for social reasons. This is something that comes up on almost every post about a majority minority school: what will the social experience of a white child be in a majority minority classroom? What sorts of issues will children have in those situations, etc.

For what it's worth, I talked to DD about this last night. I asked her if there was anything she'd noticed about school, whether she was different from other kids in some way. She said, "Well, a lot of them speak Spanish. I wish I spoke more Spanish." I told her we could work on that if she wanted to, and she was excited. I asked her if she'd noticed that she was the only white kid in her class, and she said yes. I asked her what she thought of that, and she kind of rolled her eyes and was like, "Mom, they're just my friends. Some of them are black and some of them are Hispanic. But they're just my friends." I told her that there were people who wondered if things felt different for her because she's white and the rest of the class isn't and asked if anyone had ever teased her because of that before, and she said no, nothing like that had ever happened. Then she launched into a monologue about a problem she had with a boy in her class last year (who is in her class this year too), and ended the story with, "But it's not because he's black. It's because he has bad behavior. White kids have bad behavior too."

OP, sorry but the way you titled and framed this thread is deeply disingenuous. If most/ all students are Hispanic, some of them will surely be white--as white (if not more) than your DD.

So what's the deal exactly.

I think this was actually addressed very early in the thread. I don't think that any reasonable person would consider my school to be 60% white, 30% black and 10% other races (including non-Latino white people). While you are technically correct that Latino students are classified as "white", I think you are missing the point, which is that the people I hoped to answer questions for were the non-Latino white parents who are apprehensive about sending their non-Latino white child to a school with a student body that is 60% Latino, 30% black, and 10% other races.

Also, you're not sorry, so don't preface your comments with "sorry."

Surprise surprise:

This Hispanic parent believes that, if your school is "60% white, 30% black and 10% other races," well, your school is exactly "60% white, 30% black and 10% other races."

Please don't manipulate facts, trying to coopt us with "cute titles" into your very narrow white vs. non-white agenda. Open a thread titled "AMA: Why my daughter loves her Hispanic-majority school"

I think you're being deliberately obtuse (or maybe I don't understand what you mean by "white vs. non-white agenda"?) The trend is definitively towards Latinos/Hispanics being able to identify as their nationality or ethnicity, in addition to or instead of race, which was not a good fit for their reality. While on the official census many of the kids in OP's school may be "white," that is not really relevant for the discussion we're having. Unless you're trying to make this into a different discussion about ... what exactly? Can you spell it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine the world where I wouldn't send my child to the best school which is an option. Such different philosophies...

PP, how do you define "best school" available? And how do you define "option"? Because from where I'm sitting, that's exactly what I'm doing: sending my child to the best school available to me that is an option. I would personally love to send her to the elementary school my younger sister went to, in my home town, because hearing from my friends back home about that school has been such a wistful experience, but that school is 800 miles away. True, we could move, but come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is going to matter whether your daughter is the only "white girl" in her grade. However, if she is a different SES than everyone else in her grade, that may create some issues and tensions as she gets older. Not in K, because all little kids love to run around and have fun and play.

PP, I completely agree. However, there are a lot of anxious new parents who DO think race makes a difference, as early as PK, and the whole reason for this thread was to allow them to ask questions and answer those questions based on our positive experience doing the very thing that they fear. Do I think that those fears are more or less unfounded and rooted in prejudice (even when held by very nice people who mean well)? Yes. But I also think that the only way to dismantle one's kneejerk prejudices is to address them head on. When people hear, "I did the thing that you are afraid of, and it was not actually scary and has actually been great!" they potentially will feel reassured and less scared. There is a 15-page thread about DCPS demographics that I started this thread in response to (along with all the piecemeal times when the subject comes up elsewhere).

[Anonymous]

Never know.
20 years from now the OP's kid may turn out to be better off in an increasingly minority-majority country because of the early exposure/interaction.
Only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is going to matter whether your daughter is the only "white girl" in her grade. However, if she is a different SES than everyone else in her grade, that may create some issues and tensions as she gets older. Not in K, because all little kids love to run around and have fun and play.

PP, I completely agree. However, there are a lot of anxious new parents who DO think race makes a difference, as early as PK, and the whole reason for this thread was to allow them to ask questions and answer those questions based on our positive experience doing the very thing that they fear. Do I think that those fears are more or less unfounded and rooted in prejudice (even when held by very nice people who mean well)? Yes. But I also think that the only way to dismantle one's kneejerk prejudices is to address them head on. When people hear, "I did the thing that you are afraid of, and it was not actually scary and has actually been great!" they potentially will feel reassured and less scared. There is a 15-page thread about DCPS demographics that I started this thread in response to (along with all the piecemeal times when the subject comes up elsewhere).

But you are not in position to address that issue, right? After all, your DD is in PK, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is going to matter whether your daughter is the only "white girl" in her grade. However, if she is a different SES than everyone else in her grade, that may create some issues and tensions as she gets older. Not in K, because all little kids love to run around and have fun and play.

PP, I completely agree. However, there are a lot of anxious new parents who DO think race makes a difference, as early as PK, and the whole reason for this thread was to allow them to ask questions and answer those questions based on our positive experience doing the very thing that they fear. Do I think that those fears are more or less unfounded and rooted in prejudice (even when held by very nice people who mean well)? Yes. But I also think that the only way to dismantle one's kneejerk prejudices is to address them head on. When people hear, "I did the thing that you are afraid of, and it was not actually scary and has actually been great!" they potentially will feel reassured and less scared. There is a 15-page thread about DCPS demographics that I started this thread in response to (along with all the piecemeal times when the subject comes up elsewhere).

But you are not in position to address that issue, right? After all, your DD is in PK, right?

My daughter is in first grade. This is our 3rd year at the school.

Wait, though. Next you'll say, "Your DD is only in 1st - you'll change your mind by 3rd." Then you'll say, "But middle school is when things really start to matter." Then you'll say, "She won't get into college because you made a crappy choice in PK."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine the world where I wouldn't send my child to the best school which is an option. Such different philosophies...

It really is...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is going to matter whether your daughter is the only "white girl" in her grade. However, if she is a different SES than everyone else in her grade, that may create some issues and tensions as she gets older. Not in K, because all little kids love to run around and have fun and play.

PP, I completely agree. However, there are a lot of anxious new parents who DO think race makes a difference, as early as PK, and the whole reason for this thread was to allow them to ask questions and answer those questions based on our positive experience doing the very thing that they fear. Do I think that those fears are more or less unfounded and rooted in prejudice (even when held by very nice people who mean well)? Yes. But I also think that the only way to dismantle one's kneejerk prejudices is to address them head on. When people hear, "I did the thing that you are afraid of, and it was not actually scary and has actually been great!" they potentially will feel reassured and less scared. There is a 15-page thread about DCPS demographics that I started this thread in response to (along with all the piecemeal times when the subject comes up elsewhere).

But you are not in position to address that issue, right? After all, your DD is in PK, right?

My daughter is in first grade. This is our 3rd year at the school.

Wait, though. Next you'll say, "Your DD is only in 1st - you'll change your mind by 3rd." Then you'll say, "But middle school is when things really start to matter." Then you'll say, "She won't get into college because you made a crappy choice in PK."

yeah, i was going to... good luck to you and your DD, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is going to matter whether your daughter is the only "white girl" in her grade. However, if she is a different SES than everyone else in her grade, that may create some issues and tensions as she gets older. Not in K, because all little kids love to run around and have fun and play.

PP, I completely agree. However, there are a lot of anxious new parents who DO think race makes a difference, as early as PK, and the whole reason for this thread was to allow them to ask questions and answer those questions based on our positive experience doing the very thing that they fear. Do I think that those fears are more or less unfounded and rooted in prejudice (even when held by very nice people who mean well)? Yes. But I also think that the only way to dismantle one's kneejerk prejudices is to address them head on. When people hear, "I did the thing that you are afraid of, and it was not actually scary and has actually been great!" they potentially will feel reassured and less scared. There is a 15-page thread about DCPS demographics that I started this thread in response to (along with all the piecemeal times when the subject comes up elsewhere).

But you are not in position to address that issue, right? After all, your DD is in PK, right?

My daughter is in first grade. This is our 3rd year at the school.

Wait, though. Next you'll say, "Your DD is only in 1st - you'll change your mind by 3rd." Then you'll say, "But middle school is when things really start to matter." Then you'll say, "She won't get into college because you made a crappy choice in PK."

yeah, i was going to... good luck to you and your DD, op.

I think you missed the times when people already said those things 5, 10, 15 pages back. I'm very proud of DD on all fronts and remain confident that we will all make the best choices for our families. Even the jerk PPs on this thread.