what do you say to neighbors about why you are choosing private vs the local public?

[Anonymous]

Before anyone knew we'd enrolled DD at a local private school a drunk neighbor cornered my husband at a neighborhood party and spent 30 minutes lecturing him on how only an idiot would spend the money on private when our public school is so great. People get really invested on their choices sometimes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think PP got it right. Unfortunately, most of the public school parents who ask don't want to hear you say it's because your public school is too crowded, has mediocre academics that aren't fit to be tailored for advanced kids, doesn't offer an age-appropriate amount of recess, doesn't provide enough PE, art or music, etc. They certainly don't want you to say that after visiting the school and doing careful research, you couldn't send your kids there in good conscience when you have the resources to send them elsewhere. They're more comfortable hearing that your child needs extra help or small classes or something or anything that doesn't imply that you think badly of the school their child attends. If you think PP is wrong, then you be completely honest about why you chose private & see how many public school friends you make in the neighborhood.

OK, you go ahead and say these things to the hundreds and thousands of neighbors who come to your door asking this question every single day.

Honestly, in all my years as a private school parent, I've never had these types of problems with my neighbors. I wonder if your neighbors and neighborhood are simply more awful than most?

Different poster. You're not getting it. PP was saying she won't say those things to public school parents who ask, so she agrees it's best to tell those people something else to avoid conflict.

Maybe you live in a neighborhood where many families choose private school, so it's not a question that gets asked. Almost all families in my neighborhood attend the local public school, so I face the question relatively often ... about once every other month. Sometimes it's parents asking because they are checking into other options besides the local public school, and others because they're surprised I'm not choosing the local public school. More than half the time, the person asking is earnestly seeking info, but it's not uncommon to face someone who seems to want to argue about my choice.

+1
I have experienced this as well (live in CC MD) and it is definitely a mixed bag of questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You learn who your friends are. I lived in a neighborhood where we were the only family that went private for k. The whole neighborhood ousted me and my dd. we were no longer invited to parties Halloween etc. it was hurtful to my dd. we eventually and thankfully moved!

A similar thing happened to my neighbor who eventually moved. She put her kid in private and then complained that the other kids nearby would often exclude her DD. Well the other kids all went to the same school all day long, walked to and from school together, and played right after school before the private school got out. They all had overlapping friends from the school too who would come over. Maybe your neighbors were really mean, but it could just also be that they had more in common and saw each other more. Preschool and elementary are when a lot of parents are meeting and becoming good friends with other families. Also, in our neighborhood, the private had an ok but not great reputation while the public was one of the top 10 elementary schools in the state, so I think neighbors had a hard time understanding why the family kept debating between the two for over a year. It would have been better for them to have just made a decision to go with the private to at least come across as if they felt passionately about something with the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You learn who your friends are. I lived in a neighborhood where we were the only family that went private for k. The whole neighborhood ousted me and my dd. we were no longer invited to parties Halloween etc. it was hurtful to my dd. we eventually and thankfully moved!

A similar thing happened to my neighbor who eventually moved. She put her kid in private and then complained that the other kids nearby would often exclude her DD. Well the other kids all went to the same school all day long, walked to and from school together, and played right after school before the private school got out. They all had overlapping friends from the school too who would come over. Maybe your neighbors were really mean, but it could just also be that they had more in common and saw each other more. Preschool and elementary are when a lot of parents are meeting and becoming good friends with other families. Also, in our neighborhood, the private had an ok but not great reputation while the public was one of the top 10 elementary schools in the state, so I think neighbors had a hard time understanding why the family kept debating between the two for over a year. It would have been better for them to have just made a decision to go with the private to at least come across as if they felt passionately about something with the school.

The thing about public -- they all bill themselves as the best in the State, even in the Nation. But that is seldom true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the reason why people get upset about your decision to go private is because they want you in public because your family - presumably wealthy, educated, and valuing education for you and your child - would make public schools better.

I know I feel that way. I'm in the trenches, sending DS to DCPS and working to make them better. I want as many allies as possible in this effort, and it makes me upset when those families are lost to private schools.

BC

I think many families just want to live in a neighborhood where all the kids go to the same school. When kids go to many different schools, it starts to break up the neighborhood. Alexandria could probably be a top notch educational system with all the money there, but too many families go on to private school. Families that do want to live in a neighborhood with a strong public school system, won't move to the neighborhoods where private is popular further weakening the public school there. People get upset about magnet schools in a very similar way to private school choices simply because it's different from the local school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You learn who your friends are. I lived in a neighborhood where we were the only family that went private for k. The whole neighborhood ousted me and my dd. we were no longer invited to parties Halloween etc. it was hurtful to my dd. we eventually and thankfully moved!

A similar thing happened to my neighbor who eventually moved. She put her kid in private and then complained that the other kids nearby would often exclude her DD. Well the other kids all went to the same school all day long, walked to and from school together, and played right after school before the private school got out. They all had overlapping friends from the school too who would come over. Maybe your neighbors were really mean, but it could just also be that they had more in common and saw each other more. Preschool and elementary are when a lot of parents are meeting and becoming good friends with other families. Also, in our neighborhood, the private had an ok but not great reputation while the public was one of the top 10 elementary schools in the state, so I think neighbors had a hard time understanding why the family kept debating between the two for over a year. It would have been better for them to have just made a decision to go with the private to at least come across as if they felt passionately about something with the school.

The thing about public -- they all bill themselves as the best in the State, even in the Nation. But that is seldom true.

Well the state says differently and so do privates as well. They have these things called awards.

[Anonymous]

I'm honest about it and say, "because the local school we're assigned to is complete shit." My tax dollars don't pay for what I want, so I have to come out of pocket.

[Anonymous]

I live in Alexandria and the public schools are just not worth it. I send my kids to private. I don't understand why it is anyone else's business. I don't quiz people about sending their kids to public school. To me, it wouldn't even cross my mind to be offended or ask. It is nosy and rude to question someone else's parenting. Each family has their own reasons for th choices they make, I find it highly offensive to be asked the question. I respect my neighbors choices of house colors, number of kids to have, types of cars, religions, sexual orientation, if they have a dog, etc. so WTH is it anyone's business where anyone sends their kid to school? Why would someone be ostracized or judged over the issue???

[Anonymous]

I am also really private. I would never asked anyone and wouldn't expect anyone to ask me. If they did, I would change the subject. I realize we are quite fortunate to send our child to a private school and I realize only about 5% of Americans send their kids to private schools. Most simply can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

I also respond that it has always been our intention to move closer into the city and didn't want to lock ourselves into a school district, so private school ensured that our children could stay in their same school despite our propensity to like to move homes ever so often. Everyone seems okay with that answer.

[Anonymous]

Keep it short. Most people have plenty of complaints about their public, but what can they do about it? Nothing. So you moved to private. Despite what they say, they are not happy about it. It makes them ask "Is private really better?" But they will never know, having never tried it. so, better to just keep it as short as possible. "better fit for my kid"

[Anonymous]

This thread is still going? Who knew private school parents had such difficulty figuring out how to respond to simple and obvious questions. Or dealing with the 5% that doesn't like the answer. As if we weren't all adults, or something.

Signed, former private school parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is still going? Who knew private school parents had such difficulty figuring out how to respond to simple and obvious questions. Or dealing with the 5% that doesn't like the answer. As if we weren't all adults, or something.

Signed, former private school parent

So, what did you say to the questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing about public -- they all bill themselves as the best in the State, even in the Nation. But that is seldom true.

Huh? No they don't "all" do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is still going? Who knew private school parents had such difficulty figuring out how to respond to simple and obvious questions. Or dealing with the 5% that doesn't like the answer. As if we weren't all adults, or something.

Signed, former private school parent

So, what did you say to the questions?

We had tried the public before transferring to private. So we talk about what specifically didn't work for that kid. Neighbors who were familiar with the local school were usually sympathetic, because some of these things were common knowledge in the neighborhood. It wasn't rocket science, nor was it Sarajevo in terms of starting wars in our neighborhood. I just understand the anxiety and insecurity here.