Was I out of line at the grocery store with a shrieking toddler?

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? I’m picturing a 60 year old Karen doing this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You were out of line. That’s why you’re ruminating.

I would have shaken her hand if I witnessed it.

Doubtful.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel bad. Now the girl, and more importantly, her mother, have learned that sometimes people might react the way you did if she is screaming her head off in a store

[Anonymous]

I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? I’m picturing a 60 year old Karen doing this

Exactly. Or a childless cat lady

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

Hitting a stranger because you're a sh*t parent is bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the kindest things that happened to me was a day that I was wearing my daughter at the grocery store. She was in a back carrier, maybe a year and a half old and not consolable. Her dad had been overseas for two weeks and I needed to get groceries. An older woman looked at me and said, honey you’re doing great. We’ve all been there.

That’s how you handle it

Exactly. Class act

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

Hitting a stranger because you're a sh*t parent is bizarre.

I didn’t say I’d hit her. I said I’d want to. Very different things. Op doesn’t know what’s going on with that mom or child. She should mind her own business. You do not mess with someone’s child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

The fact that you would even consider violence towards someone who did nothing more than speak sternly to your child, who was in fact misbehaving, is not an indication that you are an emotionally mature parent.

Does your kid go to school? Teachers will absolutely speak this way, or even much more harshly because they are charged with a couple dozen kids (if they are lucky) and don't have time to handhold if a child doesn't understand that screaming endlessly is not an acceptable behavior in a public place. Are you going to "clock" all your kid's teachers too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

Hitting a stranger because you're a sh*t parent is bizarre.

I didn’t say I’d hit her. I said I’d want to. Very different things. Op doesn’t know what’s going on with that mom or child. She should mind her own business. You do not mess with someone’s child

So who cares what you imagined you would do in your small mind if you weren't such a coward? If you're this scared of people then teach your children how to behave in public then you don't have to imagine doing anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

The fact that you would even consider violence towards someone who did nothing more than speak sternly to your child, who was in fact misbehaving, is not an indication that you are an emotionally mature parent.

Does your kid go to school? Teachers will absolutely speak this way, or even much more harshly because they are charged with a couple dozen kids (if they are lucky) and don't have time to handhold if a child doesn't understand that screaming endlessly is not an acceptable behavior in a public place. Are you going to "clock" all your kid's teachers too?

Is op a teacher in a classroom who I have voluntarily ceded this authority to? No. She is not. She’s a busy body snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be honest and sound crazy but if you mess with my kid- especially in that pseudo condescending Karen way you did- I would consider clocking you. I wouldn’t do it, but it evokes an extremely strong response in many women. You were wrong.

Hitting a stranger because you're a sh*t parent is bizarre.

I didn’t say I’d hit her. I said I’d want to. Very different things. Op doesn’t know what’s going on with that mom or child. She should mind her own business. You do not mess with someone’s child

So who cares what you imagined you would do in your small mind if you weren't such a coward? If you're this scared of people then teach your children how to behave in public then you don't have to imagine doing anything.

No one is scared of anything. I’m merely explaining how strong maternal instinct is. It is not rational and it knows almost no bounds. This is why women have been found to suddenly have the strength to lift cars off their children to save them. You don’t have to like it, but I’m trying to make you understand that the instinct to protect one’s own child is incredibly primitive and instinctive. Obviously when rational thought comes through, I wouldn’t clock op. But there would be a millisecond that my amygdala would want to rush to defend my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is autistic. People intervene when she's melting down in public ALL THE TIME. They think they are being helpful, either to me, or to themselves, as you thought. They are not. People need to mind their own business.

You tried to parent another person's child. A stranger's child. Without knowing what was going on. You felt entitled because you were uncomfortable. You were very much in the wrong.

+1
OP you were completely out of line not to approach the parent first if you really thought you had to intervene. My child has apraxia and will often shriek and squeal. She also has huge anxiety. I try to never bring her to places where judgey people like you will make the situation worse, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (cancelled sitters, etc). If that had been my dd you would have missed the 30 minute prep in the car before she’d even enter the store, the hour we would have spent on a social story with photos and videos before getting in the car, and then what would look like me turning a blind eye to her shrieks bc that’s the only way she could get through it. You also wouldn’t know that this was remarkably better than the last visit and each one was an improvement, and that we had a plan with her ABA and OT therapists to desensitize her to everyday things such as a store that should be no big deal but are to her. Guess what, if you had gotten in her face and corrected her like that, it would have set her back months and reinforced everything she was anxious about, so you bet I would have sworn at you. To the other judgey people, this isn’t a result of bad parenting or junk food or anything else. Her siblings are not like this and she was born this way. Everyday tasks are hard enough without encountering know it alls like you.

No one cares about your “30 minute prep.” And no is obliged to. And I’m not OP and have never corrected a child in public.

There’s a whole world out there that exists beyond your self-pity.

+1,000 Preach!

+2. I only have corrected a child when they are in danger of being hurt or killed.

You and above PPs better count your blessings for not having a special needs child.

I do have one. What does that have to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And see all the adults not confronting because its another adult behaving poorly but when its a 2 year old you just go ahead https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1294075.page

I commented on that post too and said that I confronted adults as well. I'm really not sure what kind of point you're trying to make.

The point is, OP choose to direct herself to a child versus the adult with her. If you would have talked to the mom instead of the child since you are consistent in confronting ADULTS about their behavior then the point wasnt for you. It is to amplify those of us saying, hey dont talk to the kid talk to the adult.

Too bad. People can talk to whomever they want to when they're out in public. What happened to "It takes a village"? Oh, you don't get to be part of a village if you're actually outside IN the village -- you just get to pick and choose, eh?

In the village, a kind motherly figure would have picked up the child and tried to console her. NOT yell at or punish her.

And get arrested for kidnapping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And see all the adults not confronting because its another adult behaving poorly but when its a 2 year old you just go ahead https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1294075.page

I commented on that post too and said that I confronted adults as well. I'm really not sure what kind of point you're trying to make.

The point is, OP choose to direct herself to a child versus the adult with her. If you would have talked to the mom instead of the child since you are consistent in confronting ADULTS about their behavior then the point wasnt for you. It is to amplify those of us saying, hey dont talk to the kid talk to the adult.

Too bad. People can talk to whomever they want to when they're out in public. What happened to "It takes a village"? Oh, you don't get to be part of a village if you're actually outside IN the village -- you just get to pick and choose, eh?

In the village, a kind motherly figure would have picked up the child and tried to console her. NOT yell at or punish her.

A village is a community of people you know. If OP said that she came around the corner, and realized that the toddler was her niece, or next door neighbor's kid, or a preschool classmate of her own kid (e.g. a person in her village) and had approached the toddler and spoke to them, that would be an entirely different thing. OP can correct me if we're wrong, but it sounds like this child was a stranger to her.

That’s not actually what “a village” means in the saying. It means the community all upholds standards of behaviors and helps out each other by telling other people’s kids they are misbehaving. It doesn’t mean only people you actually know.

It used to be when a kid was shrieking loud enough AND long enough a store full of people are grimacing and looking at each other someone in that community /village would speak up to offer to help the parent and/or say something to the kid.

Times have changed and instead of thinking collectively what is good for the village it is now all individualistic.

A parent wants to laugh it off while a kid shrieks and disrupts the store- kid/parent have a right to disturb the peace. Person decides they want to have a phone conversation and use speaker mode to have that loud conversation in the store- no problem, person wants to aggressively beg for money in a parking lot- no problem. Person wants to brazenly shoplift in a store, no problem. People bringing in dogs who pee in stores and lunge out you- no problem.

I’m officially old because all of that bothers me and makes me want to move to a place like Singapore or Denmark.