Any other moms out just not order when you eat with your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I can’t believe OP is still come back and defending this weirdness. It’s a free country! No one can make you order a meal (well actually I guess the restaurant manager could give you the choice of doing that or leaving but they won’t realistically). But it’s a really ridiculous choice. You already said your family finds you weird and cheap. I still remember an older cousin doing this while out to eat with our family doing and eating her toddler’s scraps when I was like 8 so a good 30 years ago. My mom was SO humiliated and tried not to show but leaving a huge tip to try to compensate. It’s weird and awkward for everyone else but it sounds like you prefer that to wasting any food at all (or eating it later, which I really can’t understand either). I posted earlier that I really think you should stop going to restaurants and I still feel that way. It sounds like you’re miserable and making everyone else uncomfortable.

where was it said that op's family feels uncomfortable?

Um, literally her post just a few back where she says she TELLS (not asks) them that she is going to eat their food, and they say no, then she does it anyway. And they have no choice but leave some for her because Mommy Has No Food.

no idea why you are so triggered by this, but again there are many posters on this thread who say they do a version of this. calm down. no one is taking YOUR food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I do this a lot now. My kids are older, and I never have any idea how much they will eat. Food's gotten so expensive, and my family doesn't do well eating leftovers. For four people I'll order three entrees and wait to see how hungry people are.

I think that's fine if you make it clear when ordering like "we're going to order these 3 things to share" and not let everyone order and one person is at everyone else's whim. My DH and I often order 1 entree and 2 sides to share or a couple of small plates and no entree but we make it clear its to be shared and they often split things onto separate plates for us without us asking which is nice.

This thread is eye-opening. Where is this happening? I've never seen 4 people eating one entree. Even with two sides. (Unless we're at a tapas place with plates to share.)

Are you doing this with girlfriends too? Why in the world would you pay for children to eat out if you deny yourselves? I feel like this must bleed into other things. Not paying for massages for you, but sports for kids. Etc.

WTH? Obviously I put my kids sports and activities first before I indulge myself with expensive, frivolous nonsense. You know, like a GOOD parent does.

absolutely pay for kids sports before massages for me. why have kids if you are going to put your needs before theirs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

NP here.
No, I get what that pp is saying, because my husband does a variation of it.
The server will ask if we want desser and I say "Yes, I'd like the cheesecake" and he says "No, I'll just have some of hers" (meaning mine)

WTH? No. I don't like the assumption that I'm willing to share the cheesecake (especially he always ends up eating most of it.)
The last time he did that (told the server he'd just have some of my dessert) I promptly asked the server to please bring me a slice of cheesecake AND a creme brulee.

this is off topic, but no grown adult really needs to eat an entire slice of cake to themselves. that is just unhealthy.

Nobody “needs” a slice of cake, but if an adult wants the occasional slice of cake to herself, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I dont think i have ever gone out to eat with any adult who has insisted on a whole desert to themselves. genuinely. and i'm mid 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so funny. I've read so many posts that are - "I make almost $200,000 but my DH is the real breadwinner at $500,000...."

Then around Christmas, people will post about getting their kids 4 things (one of which is a book and another is pajamas or something equally dull).

And now, it's, "We order 1 entree and a side for the family to share."

they dont throw money away, presumably

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think people are triggered maybe because they feel somehow attacked by someone saving money in this way or feeling like food waste is 'wrong'.

not over ordering is very european. Americans have much larger portions and less anxiety overall about food waste. i think american culture is very defensive over the idea that you should be able to eat whatever you want/ eat large amounts, but in a lot of cultures having leftover food at the end of the meal is poor planning.

in most places in europe, they'd look at you aghast if you asked for food in a doggy bag. it's just not done there. bc their portions are much smaller to begin with and it's just culturally different.

it's reasonable for someone to feel uncomfortable spending money on food that they dont need to eat during that meal. and also reasonable for someone to prefer to know they are getting what they want. restaurants have become very expensive and typically portion sizes ARE too large.

I don’t care who would be “aghast” if I decided not to put food I didn’t want to eat then and there in my mouth and take it home. I’m not going to waste the environmental resources it took to make that meal, especially animal products, and I’m not going to stuff myself or leave behind perfectly good food. Europeans can be “aghast” all they want. I think it’s rude to the planet to be wasteful, and I’m not going to do it in the age of refrigeration. I’m also going to save money by not overeating or wasting food.

i mean they literally wont give it to you in a doggy bag. it's just not a thing there. they give you reasonable portions and expect you to order the amount you plan to eat at that moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can OPs family have large appetites such that there is hardly any food left for OP yet OP is concerned about "waste"? OP doesn't make a lot of sense which is what people are reacting to. Oh, and also OP just seems extremely cheap. Stop eating out so much if you can't afford it and it puts a crimp in the grocery budget.

Op - there are many repliers on this thread.
There is always more than enough food left for me and I dont wait to eat it - I just rarely choose what I would naturally order bc the kids are permanently in denial that they won’t eat anything.

Maybe it’s cheap but if I save $600 in a year that way, imagine I put it on nvidia in 2022 (which I did) - it turns into many thousands.

I just truly am uncomfortable with throwing money away when I know everyone will have enough. If we wouldn’t then I wouldn’t do it

You keep changing what you are saying.

If you're asking if other people share meals with their kids, then yes, that's super common. That's completely different from what you described in your OP.

op - it's somewhere in between. i do not order what i order if i go out with my husband alone. bc i know they wont finish theirs. but i also like to let them order what they want to eat, and then i say 'i will have some of yours' and they say 'no, i will eat it all' and i say 'you will not eat it all' and they have varying levels of openness to this fact. then usually the food comes and they still insist that they are SO HUNGRY and will eat all of it, but they never ever do. they barely finish half.
I was just wondering if other moms have the same experience - did NOT mean to start such a debate!
also we live in nyc and kids meals are few and far between here.

OMG wow. Your kids are starving and leaving food for you because otherwise you don't eat. You are shaming the into not finishing. The opposite side of the clean plate coin. Way to trigger eating disorders in the next generation.

that's a wild inference.
no child finishes an adult sized meal. that's why portion sizes are so ridiculous for kids. that's why kids meals exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think people are triggered maybe because they feel somehow attacked by someone saving money in this way or feeling like food waste is 'wrong'.

not over ordering is very european. Americans have much larger portions and less anxiety overall about food waste. i think american culture is very defensive over the idea that you should be able to eat whatever you want/ eat large amounts, but in a lot of cultures having leftover food at the end of the meal is poor planning.

in most places in europe, they'd look at you aghast if you asked for food in a doggy bag. it's just not done there. bc their portions are much smaller to begin with and it's just culturally different.

it's reasonable for someone to feel uncomfortable spending money on food that they dont need to eat during that meal. and also reasonable for someone to prefer to know they are getting what they want. restaurants have become very expensive and typically portion sizes ARE too large.

It is definitely not "very european" to go to a restaurant, sit down, and not order anything to eat. In fact, Europeans are more likely to tell you that if you're not ordering food you need to leave, and not take up a space at their table.

europeans dont order to excess. americans do. european portion sizes make this an easier task. this is not a random internet opinion, but objective cultural fact you can confirm with any simple google search or by ever going to any restaurant in most of europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think people are triggered maybe because they feel somehow attacked by someone saving money in this way or feeling like food waste is 'wrong'.

not over ordering is very european. Americans have much larger portions and less anxiety overall about food waste. i think american culture is very defensive over the idea that you should be able to eat whatever you want/ eat large amounts, but in a lot of cultures having leftover food at the end of the meal is poor planning.

in most places in europe, they'd look at you aghast if you asked for food in a doggy bag. it's just not done there. bc their portions are much smaller to begin with and it's just culturally different.

it's reasonable for someone to feel uncomfortable spending money on food that they dont need to eat during that meal. and also reasonable for someone to prefer to know they are getting what they want. restaurants have become very expensive and typically portion sizes ARE too large.

I don’t care who would be “aghast” if I decided not to put food I didn’t want to eat then and there in my mouth and take it home. I’m not going to waste the environmental resources it took to make that meal, especially animal products, and I’m not going to stuff myself or leave behind perfectly good food. Europeans can be “aghast” all they want. I think it’s rude to the planet to be wasteful, and I’m not going to do it in the age of refrigeration. I’m also going to save money by not overeating or wasting food.

i mean they literally wont give it to you in a doggy bag. it's just not a thing there. they give you reasonable portions and expect you to order the amount you plan to eat at that moment.

Well in that case it makes sense for mom to only eat some spit on chicken fingers for dinner, and the third of a burger that someone else discarded. Her only other option was moving to Paris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think people are triggered maybe because they feel somehow attacked by someone saving money in this way or feeling like food waste is 'wrong'.

not over ordering is very european. Americans have much larger portions and less anxiety overall about food waste. i think american culture is very defensive over the idea that you should be able to eat whatever you want/ eat large amounts, but in a lot of cultures having leftover food at the end of the meal is poor planning.

in most places in europe, they'd look at you aghast if you asked for food in a doggy bag. it's just not done there. bc their portions are much smaller to begin with and it's just culturally different.

it's reasonable for someone to feel uncomfortable spending money on food that they dont need to eat during that meal. and also reasonable for someone to prefer to know they are getting what they want. restaurants have become very expensive and typically portion sizes ARE too large.

It is definitely not "very european" to go to a restaurant, sit down, and not order anything to eat. In fact, Europeans are more likely to tell you that if you're not ordering food you need to leave, and not take up a space at their table.

europeans dont order to excess. americans do. european portion sizes make this an easier task. this is not a random internet opinion, but objective cultural fact you can confirm with any simple google search or by ever going to any restaurant in most of europe.

pp you quoted here
This is not about portion sizes. This is about going into a restaurant, sitting at a table, and when the server comes to the table saying "nothing for me, thanks. I'm just going to pick off of my kid's plate." The poster I responded to (you?) claims it is "very european" thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do. Our family just can't handle US-sized portions. We order two meals for three people.

I think this is fine and normal if your kid is little. We do this too, but my husband and I each order something that we want to eat and know our daughter will nibble on as well. We don't order her chicken fingers and pick at her food. And once she is bigger, we certainly won't just hope to eat scraps from her plate. If she's like us, she will have a lusty appetite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

NP here.
No, I get what that pp is saying, because my husband does a variation of it.
The server will ask if we want desser and I say "Yes, I'd like the cheesecake" and he says "No, I'll just have some of hers" (meaning mine)

WTH? No. I don't like the assumption that I'm willing to share the cheesecake (especially he always ends up eating most of it.)
The last time he did that (told the server he'd just have some of my dessert) I promptly asked the server to please bring me a slice of cheesecake AND a creme brulee.

this is off topic, but no grown adult really needs to eat an entire slice of cake to themselves. that is just unhealthy.

Nobody “needs” a slice of cake, but if an adult wants the occasional slice of cake to herself, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I dont think i have ever gone out to eat with any adult who has insisted on a whole desert to themselves. genuinely. and i'm mid 40s.

Well, if you haven't personally experienced it, it can't be true.

[Anonymous]

Ummm no if we go out to eat, I want to enjoy it too....

[Anonymous]

Guys, OP lives in NYC. Nobody cares what they do in Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

NP here.
No, I get what that pp is saying, because my husband does a variation of it.
The server will ask if we want desser and I say "Yes, I'd like the cheesecake" and he says "No, I'll just have some of hers" (meaning mine)

WTH? No. I don't like the assumption that I'm willing to share the cheesecake (especially he always ends up eating most of it.)
The last time he did that (told the server he'd just have some of my dessert) I promptly asked the server to please bring me a slice of cheesecake AND a creme brulee.

this is off topic, but no grown adult really needs to eat an entire slice of cake to themselves. that is just unhealthy.

Nobody “needs” a slice of cake, but if an adult wants the occasional slice of cake to herself, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I dont think i have ever gone out to eat with any adult who has insisted on a whole desert to themselves. genuinely. and i'm mid 40s.

We could probably have a whole separate thread on this. I'm 41 and a healthy weight, and if I order dessert at a restaurant, I do plan to eat it and HATE when others at the table assume it's fair game. I don't go to places with Cheesecake Factory sized portions, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

NP here.
No, I get what that pp is saying, because my husband does a variation of it.
The server will ask if we want desser and I say "Yes, I'd like the cheesecake" and he says "No, I'll just have some of hers" (meaning mine)

WTH? No. I don't like the assumption that I'm willing to share the cheesecake (especially he always ends up eating most of it.)
The last time he did that (told the server he'd just have some of my dessert) I promptly asked the server to please bring me a slice of cheesecake AND a creme brulee.

this is off topic, but no grown adult really needs to eat an entire slice of cake to themselves. that is just unhealthy.

Nobody “needs” a slice of cake, but if an adult wants the occasional slice of cake to herself, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I dont think i have ever gone out to eat with any adult who has insisted on a whole desert to themselves. genuinely. and i'm mid 40s.

If you’ve gone out with many people who order dessert, you’ve definitely gone out with someone who wanted the whole dessert serving, even if they didn’t “insist” on it.

Cake is a rare treat, not a regular staple in one’s diet. You have food issues if you think eating a slice of cake (normal slice, not gigantic slab) is so unhealthy it should never be done.