No kids wedding...except there were kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went way out of our way to go to a wedding, brought the kids because there is no where to leave them, found a babysitter in the wedding town and arrive to see tons of kids at the wedding. They were all "in the wedding party" but still I was really pet peeved to see that they basically allowed the entire grooms family to bring their kids and no one else.

Is that normal? I thought no kids meant 0 kids not even in the wedding party.

Could go either way - the bride and groom make the rules on their day. We specifically did not have kids in the wedding, because it was a no kids wedding, across the board. We had well behaved, older, mature tweens we would have invited before some of the screaming toddlers (whose parents would not have stepped in because "how cute!"). Maybe the bride and groom don't trust that all parents would mind their kids properly? I mean, unless the wedding was held at Chuck E Cheese or something, which is unlikely

[Anonymous]

One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

Interesting. My 12 yo twins were 6 when their uncle remarried and they definitely remember parts of the wedding pretty well. This comes up in family discussions about good family memories and they participate in the discussion. They don't remember the whole thing, but they definitely remember some parts of the ceremony and they remember parts of the reception where they met a "cousin" on my SIL's side who they had a lot of fun with that day and the next (both families were out-of-towners and we were staying in the same hotel).

They certainly remember more than some of our older relatives who had to be included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

At first I was surprised that you had not encountered this situation before, since it is quite common, as many others have stated. But not anymore. I now understand why you have not been invited to many weddings, and lack the experience.

Lol! Quite the opposite. I love weddings, I love celebrating love and attend quite a few. If you don't know proper etiquette just say so, no need to make up stories about how awful other peoples lives are to make yourself feel better.

The etiquette is known, just rude guests pretending not to understand ruins it for everyone. So, better off to make it crystal clear for those who pretend not to read the envelope or understand that it didn't mean the entire family. The rest of us know "no kids" means "no kids (unless you are a close friend and B&G personally ask for your presence)." It's an unwritten rule most get. For the rest they need it in black and white. If this isn't a problem with the limited wedding experience you have, no need to insult people over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

Interesting. My 12 yo twins were 6 when their uncle remarried and they definitely remember parts of the wedding pretty well. This comes up in family discussions about good family memories and they participate in the discussion. They don't remember the whole thing, but they definitely remember some parts of the ceremony and they remember parts of the reception where they met a "cousin" on my SIL's side who they had a lot of fun with that day and the next (both families were out-of-towners and we were staying in the same hotel).

They certainly remember more than some of our older relatives who had to be included.

I have memories of attending my aunt’s wedding at 3.5, and my daughter also has memories of her aunt’s wedding at the same age. Obviously those are just barely memories, but it’s weird to think a slightly older child wouldn’t have real memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

I remember my grandfather's (third) wedding, and I was only 4 1/2. To be fair it was an insanely extravagant wedding in NYC, but I absolutely remember it (and that I had a great time). That said, I only got an invite because I was a grandkid. My sister and cousins were definitely the only other kids there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

At first I was surprised that you had not encountered this situation before, since it is quite common, as many others have stated. But not anymore. I now understand why you have not been invited to many weddings, and lack the experience.

Lol! Quite the opposite. I love weddings, I love celebrating love and attend quite a few. If you don't know proper etiquette just say so, no need to make up stories about how awful other peoples lives are to make yourself feel better.

The etiquette is known, just rude guests pretending not to understand ruins it for everyone. So, better off to make it crystal clear for those who pretend not to read the envelope or understand that it didn't mean the entire family. The rest of us know "no kids" means "no kids (unless you are a close friend and B&G personally ask for your presence)." It's an unwritten rule most get. For the rest they need it in black and white. If this isn't a problem with the limited wedding experience you have, no need to insult people over it.

Whatever makes you feel better about your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

Sorry but my 7 year old is WAY into weddings and was over the moon to be the flower girl at her aunt's wedding. Like it was all she talked about for months. My son was into being the ringbearer too, but not to the same extent.

Some kids have a personal relationship with the bride and groom. They aren't randoms. I'm pretty against kids at weddings for the most part though. I don't think they belong at a place where there's alcohol and it goes late into the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

At first I was surprised that you had not encountered this situation before, since it is quite common, as many others have stated. But not anymore. I now understand why you have not been invited to many weddings, and lack the experience.

Lol! Quite the opposite. I love weddings, I love celebrating love and attend quite a few. If you don't know proper etiquette just say so, no need to make up stories about how awful other peoples lives are to make yourself feel better.

Then stop complaining so much about them and be appreciative of the invite. Geesh. Most of the posters here think you are being ridiculous, take a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

At first I was surprised that you had not encountered this situation before, since it is quite common, as many others have stated. But not anymore. I now understand why you have not been invited to many weddings, and lack the experience.

Lol! Quite the opposite. I love weddings, I love celebrating love and attend quite a few. If you don't know proper etiquette just say so, no need to make up stories about how awful other peoples lives are to make yourself feel better.

The etiquette is known, just rude guests pretending not to understand ruins it for everyone. So, better off to make it crystal clear for those who pretend not to read the envelope or understand that it didn't mean the entire family. The rest of us know "no kids" means "no kids (unless you are a close friend and B&G personally ask for your presence)." It's an unwritten rule most get. For the rest they need it in black and white. If this isn't a problem with the limited wedding experience you have, no need to insult people over it.

Whatever makes you feel better about your choices.

Cool, been married for almost 20 years and know how this works. Stay confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.