How do you handle divisive parents working their own social agenda and cutting out our child?

[Anonymous]

Our child is coming home crying and it is out of school related so I don't feel as though I should or can say anything to the school.

[Anonymous]

I'd start by trying to make some sense.

[Anonymous]

I think we need more information on how the parents are involved and what they are doing to make any suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Not much information to go on here. If you don't think talking to the parents or counselor, then help your child make new friends and tune out the drama.

But if a child is coming home crying everyday, I'd start by talking with the counselor. You might not be getting the full picture.

[Anonymous]

But despite the details, it is likely you'll have to forget about it. Be sure you don't project more drama onto the situation also. And direct your child in other directions. Some other parents can be jerks, but your ability to control is often very limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But despite the details, it is likely you'll have to forget about it. Be sure you don't project more drama onto the situation also. And direct your child in other directions. Some other parents can be jerks, but your ability to control is often very limited.

+1. Talk to the counselor to make sure there isn't something else going on. Ask about what happens on the playground during school hours, to see if it's some broader social issue. But if it's something like parents setting up playdates with influential families, and your family just isn't that high up on the totem pole, then there's probably not much you can do besides steer your kid to new interests and new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'd start by trying to make some sense.

Because it can't be a problem with the school parent body, now can it? Must be OP's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd start by trying to make some sense.

Because it can't be a problem with the school parent body, now can it? Must be OP's fault.

I'm a different poster, and I too can't really understand the complaint. Are class parents not inviting one particular child for a playdate, or something like that? It's pretty vague.

[Anonymous]

I am happy to say that in all my 23 years of parenting five children in at least ten schools across the country, I have never come across a "divisive parent working their own social agenda". Ever. Why would you place your child in an environment like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd start by trying to make some sense.

Because it can't be a problem with the school parent body, now can it? Must be OP's fault.

Something about the vague, overly paranoid tone of the original post leads me to believe OP is the type who creates or adds to the drama herself. It's usually pretty obvious when this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the parents told child "you can invite 3 kids." OP's kid is #4. Divisive social agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the parents told child "you can invite 3 kids." OP's kid is #4. Divisive social agenda.

No, I wish that were the case and it was as simple as that. This is the op and thank you for your replies. I realize I made an error posting on here because I must be vague or the families involved will be easily detected and that will worsen the problem. However in me being vague it sounds like an odd post and is difficult to understand. I know many moms that have been in the independent world longer than I have frequent these boards, so I was looking for some advice, so I don't have to gossip about this to school parents. However, I think I should seek advice where I can give the whole picture and not sound confusing. Thank you anyway.

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean, OP. Yes, I would try talking to someone to whom you can confidentially provide more details. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the parents told child "you can invite 3 kids." OP's kid is #4. Divisive social agenda.

No, I wish that were the case and it was as simple as that. This is the op and thank you for your replies. I realize I made an error posting on here because I must be vague or the families involved will be easily detected and that will worsen the problem. However in me being vague it sounds like an odd post and is difficult to understand. I know many moms that have been in the independent world longer than I have frequent these boards, so I was looking for some advice, so I don't have to gossip about this to school parents. However, I think I should seek advice where I can give the whole picture and not sound confusing. Thank you anyway.

Good luck, hope you can find a few people to talk to offline who might be able to help. I think you're smart not to give too many details such that the situation could be identified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happy to say that in all my 23 years of parenting five children in at least ten schools across the country, I have never come across a "divisive parent working their own social agenda". Ever. Why would you place your child in an environment like that?

That's only because you've lived with you head stuck up up your ass for the past 23 year seeing how much wonderful intestinal fortitude you have. It sounds like a small closed minded, dark and binding world in which you live.

To the OP, of course it actually happens all the time. Small children don't make play dates - it's parents who make the play dates. Parents are the ones who either exclude or allow children to be excluded. As human beings they suck and as parents they are even suckier. In the short-term you and your child are hurt, but at the same time you are building self-reliance. Many of these families who seem soooooo very popular in 4th grade are awkward and clueless as to how they lost there cuteness and popularity by 11th and 12th grade. Many families who practice exclusion when their children are small find themselves awkward, lonely, and clueless before the end of high school. Just be the best parent and friend you can be and you'll both be okay.

As for the PP, get your head surgically removed from your ass, see the world in its correct light, smell the coffee for a change and start giving honest advice.