I've never been on my own before...

[Anonymous]

I am slightly ashamed to say so but I am a 35 year old woman and I have never been truly on my own before. I have no clue how to live on my own. Even in college my parents were there to help me pay bills, or remind me to make payments and as an adult my partners have always been the ones to control the finances. I've always worked and have always contributed financially but have never had to worry about what bill is due on what date or for how much. I don't even know how to create a budget.
I always felt like I was lucky to have parents who took care of me when I was younger but now I see that they did me a disservice. I am sorely unprepared.
I've just split with my partner of 9 years and I am scared shitless. I have a 10 year old child to take care of and we will be entirely on our own. I have no family here (I come from another country) and don't want to be dependent on anybody else anymore.
I'm not really sure what to do or where to go for advice.
How do I figure out a budget and bills?
I know how much money my boss deposits every two weeks but how do I break it up and make sure all the bills are paid on time?
Any tips, advice or pointers would be greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

If you have the $$$, I'd find a financial planner.

I'd look up the closest Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University workshops as well.

If your split from your ex was amicable, he/she may be able to help you SOME, although patience may run out quickly.

[Anonymous]

Start with a simple list of all basic monthly payments you make:

Mortgage/rent: $_____
Electricity:$______
Auto Insurance $______
Rental/Homeowners Insurance $______
Car Insurance $ ______
Cell Phone $ _____
Cable $______
Food $ _____

Etc. You can find budget lists on line, try Suze Orman. Then add it all up, and look at how much you make each month. Subtract all of your monthly payments, the rest is for savings/entertainment/cothing shopping etc. If you are on a tighter budget, I find that it is better to set aside a certain amount of cash for once-a-week visits to the grocery store, and that food needs to last until the next grocery day. If you go to the grocery store with a credit card, anything goes in the basket and it is harder to stick to your budget.

I pay bills once a month. All of my mail goes into my "in box" (a basket by the front door) and I sort it all at the end of the month and write any checks that I need to at the same time -- that way I don't forget because I have the same 4-5 bills that get paid. All of my bank statements/credit card statements go into a big file folder and I sort them all at the end of the year. If you can do direct deposit/automatic credit charge (I do that for electricity and mortgage payments) that cuts down on the checks.

[Anonymous]

You will be fine. Life didn't give you more than you handle. Good news is, you have a job. PP above with the breakdown of things is a great place to start. Do you have online banking? Is the father of your child still in the picture and does he help out financially (assume it is a different person since you hav a 10 year old and you were with your partner for 9 years)?

Are your parents around now? Maybe they can help you get started - not do it for you, but help you start with a budget etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to find it tough to budget too, so this is what I did. First, total up everything you have going out each month- rent, car, insurance, phone, etc. etc. Subtract this total amount from your net income. The resulting amount is what you have to spend on food, gas, entertainment, etc. during the month.

So, let's say your income is $4000 and your bills amount to $2500. That leaves you $1500 in spending money in each month. Figure out when everything must be paid by each month, and try to split it up so that each week, you are paying roughly the same amount. This way, you're not spending $1000 on bills one week and broke and spending $200 another week. It evens things up.

Here's my general budget:

1st week of the month: 1/4 of the rent, phone bill, cable bill
2nd week: 2/3 the car payment, power, 1/4 of the rent
3rd week: 1/3 the car payment, gas, 1/4 of the rent, car insurance
4th week: 1/4 the rent, student loan, credit card

Now, for some of these weeks, you're not spending the money on the bills so much as setting it aside. (Example, saving 1/4 of the rent each week so you don't have to use your entire check on rent the last paycheck of the month. But I still consider that money "spent", i.e., I don't spend it twice!

For me, to even my bills out like this means that I have approximately the same amount leftover each week for spending money. This is helpful because I've learned what I need for the week, and can plan accordingly based on my weekly allotment.

To make this easy for me to remember, I go into my Google calendar each month and write down on every Friday what bills I am paying for that week and how much each one is. Then, on the Saturday of that week, I write in "$X after bills" so I know what's left that I'm able to spend.

I hope I explained this well. It's really the easiest way for me to keep up. Figure out what your baseline amount in bills is going out each month, and divide what gets paid each week so that you're paying roughly the same each week and thus have roughly the same left over each week to spend. It makes it very hard to get surprised with a forgotten bill, or to overdraw because you thought you had more money to spend than you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the $$$, I'd find a financial planner.

I'd look up the closest Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University workshops as well.

If your split from your ex was amicable, he/she may be able to help you SOME, although patience may run out quickly.

+1

[Anonymous]

There is no reason to involve the ex. If you can do simple addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, you can pay your bills. What is the big mystery here? You have X coming in each month; you owe Y out each month. Those are your fixed expenses. Everything else is discretionary spending. Work it out. You will feel empowered once you do it once or twice.

[Anonymous]

OP you will be able to do this!! just take it one part at a time. PP suggestions on making a budget are a good place to start. Be sure to include EVERYTHING you spend money on (don't overlook small stuff like daily starbucks etc). Be sure to contribute to either a 401k or IRA even if its just a small amount, you must pay yourself first. Do not involve your ex, that defeats the whole purpose of being on your own. Be an example for your kid in everything you do. Suze Orman has some good, easy to understand books too. I think one I had was "Young Broke and Fabulous"--I also started to read Kiplingers magazine in my early 20s and that was easy to understand investing info.
Don't get overwhelmed the first month with investing though etc, start with budget, savings, cutting expenses, building a 6 month "emergency fund" etc. I used to be annoyed at how little my parents did for me financially esepcailly when I saw how much help my friends got. but now I know what a total blessing that was. I have never ever doubted my ability to take care of myself, leave a relationship and be on my own. This is what you have to teach your kid. Good luck OP, I promise you that being able to stand on your own two feet will make you so proud and change your life!!

[Anonymous]

You can do this, OP. Some of the other PP's have some good advice. Do you have any friends who are very independent and could hold your hand through some of this stuff, like budgeting? I've helped friends with stuff over the years. I've been on my own since 18 (though I do have a great family 1,000 miles away.)

Beyond that, I'd give you three pieces of advice, as a never-married 40 y-o with a daughter and a good life. (1) put some energy into making/spending time with friends. it's so important to have people who like you in your life, especially when you're single. (2) find some things you like to do (or re-find them) and carve out a little time to do them. I like to run and do yoga, among other things. A lot of women put their energy into their relationships and forget to do things just for them. (3) try not to stress out about dating. Dating can be hard, so don't feel like you need to make it a huge focus for awhile, because it will only stress you out and that can scare the good guys away. Do it when you're ready, but try to remember that single is not so bad either.

good luck!

[Anonymous]

Just a practical note: make sure to check the due dates of all your bills, and make a note of them. You can do that in online banking, or on your family calendar, whatever. They won't all be due at the same time of the month, and that can make it easy to let one slip too late. If you can, keep a cushion of cash in your checking account that you never touch ($1,000 if you can) and then have all your bills be either debited from your account or have your bank auto bill pay them monthly. If you do that, and if you'd added up all your expenses, you can figure out how much you have every paycheck for things like groceries and entertainment. If you have a penchant for overspending, like I do, take that money out of the bank in cash every pay check and never touch your debit or credit card. You now have a system where your bills are paid automatically and you use cash for daily expenses. Protects you from forgetting your bills (leads to bad credit score) or overspending.

[CandyApple]

+1

[Anonymous]

+2 All of the pps are giving really good advice. I manage the finances and since I keep a healthy 1k+ cushion in the checking account, I just do autopay of all our balances every month. I get sent an email saying how much is due so I always check to make sure nothing weird is going on. We spend virtually the same amount of money every single month, so I don't even need to make a budget anymore. I probably spend about 5 minutes on bills every month.

[Anonymous]

I'm a huge Dave Ramsey fan. Here's a link to his budgeting tools:

http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/

He recommends a zero-based budget (will explain in a sec) that is re-done at the end of each month in preparation for the next month. Because December will have different expenses than February.

So you write your income for January 2013 at the top of the page. Then you go through his budget form and write down every single expense you will have, and everything you want to spend money on, until you have spent every penny, on paper, on purpose. Then you follow it without question.

It will take several months to get a sense of what you should budget for groceries, school expenses, etc. But stick with it and you will find it very rewarding. We use cash for everything and when the entertainment envelope is empty, we're done for the month. When the eating-out envelope is empty, we're done.

Google "sinking funds" to learn how to save up for those big one-time / yearly expenses like renewing your car insurance, spending at the holidays, etc. We have a bit taken out of our one paycheck to cover those things - $10/month to save up for Halloween (costumes and candy), $100/month for the holidays, etc. Then the month before those events happen, we take the money out of the bank and spend it! It's so amazing to leave the store and know that no bill will be coming in the mail!

It will take a while to get yourself organized. Give yourself grace and keep plodding through it. I bet by April you're rocking your budget. Hope that helped!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason to involve the ex. If you can do simple addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, you can pay your bills. What is the big mystery here? You have X coming in each month; you owe Y out each month. Those are your fixed expenses. Everything else is discretionary spending. Work it out. You will feel empowered once you do it once or twice.

If OP moved out, the ex is not really necessary but might be helpful. If the ex moved out then the ex's help would be more useful for household type bills like the cable, gas/electric, water, etc. Otherwise she'd have to deal with all the utility companies on her own and that will be time-consuming.

Also I don't know how bills were shared, if everyone just put $$$ in a common account, if OP cut the ex a check every month or what.

I'm not talking about the ex handling things like "opening a checking account" that OP should be able to do on her own.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

thank you so much for all of the suggestions and help.
I know to some budgeting is easy but when you've never done it it's a very daunting task.
I plan to follow every link provided and figure out which will work best for me.
Again, thank you!