Therapist needed for mother of ADHD child

[Anonymous]

Every day is a battle. Every day I try to start over with my son multiple times. Beahavior is not improving despite army of behavioral strategies and therapies. I'm concerned my once strong and close bond with my son is starting to wear. I'm yelling, losing patience more frequently, ocassionally even hitting and saying things I don't mean out of frustration and disappointment. I would never let him go to bed without knowing how much I loved him and that tomorrow is a new day and last night I just firmly shut the door and said good night. I need to develop more skllls to cope with his condition in a way that I can better help him, preserve the relationship (if not improve), keep my sanity, and return our home to a peaceful place. I am near breakdown and aware I need to find a way to either change my expectations or let go of these angry feelings so that we can get out of this cycle. Live in Bethesda but can travel to speak with the right person.

[Anonymous]

I don't know of a therapist, but I do want you to know that you're not alone in this. My DS, 9, had ADHD. I feel like we're on a roller coaster of ups and downs with his behavior, and some days I just lack to energy and patience to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

OP: Thanks. yeah, sometimes i just feel like such a failure as a parent. There are good days and bad days of course but the toll it takes and way it makes me feel and respond to him sometimes is not good. I'm hoping to learn a better skillset.

[Anonymous]

You poor thing. I so relate. I don't have a therapist to recommend but will pray for you. You aren't alone. I have two special needs kids and it has taken its toll. Will pray for you. There's a lot of us out there. You need to just take baby steps and try to develop a sense of humor. And get some help if you can.

[Anonymous]

I have no therapist recs but have worked on letting go of my guilt!

I yell at my 7 year old ADD son several times a week. I have made enormous efforts to restrain the impulse to slap him. I sometimes resort to speaking acidly or use sarcasm.

Oddly enough, we have a great relationship, and hug and kiss during 99% of the bedtime routines. We tell each other "I love you".
He knows that I love him and have sacrificed so much for him. He knows that I will always put his needs first, ALWAYS.

I communicate openly with him about his special-ness - of which he is very aware (he told me at 4 years old that he could not turn off his thoughts to listen to me or to fall asleep - like a TV perpetually on).
I filled him in on the IEP discussions and classroom accomodations.
When we moved recently, we discussed school choices and extra-curricular activities, which we selected to strengthen his weaknesses.
His talents and skills are highlighted just as his weaknesses are pointed out. Everything is open and explained. I am sure it helps build a climate of trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no therapist recs but have worked on letting go of my guilt!

I yell at my 7 year old ADD son several times a week. I have made enormous efforts to restrain the impulse to slap him. I sometimes resort to speaking acidly or use sarcasm.

Oddly enough, we have a great relationship, and hug and kiss during 99% of the bedtime routines. We tell each other "I love you".
He knows that I love him and have sacrificed so much for him. He knows that I will always put his needs first, ALWAYS.

I communicate openly with him about his special-ness - of which he is very aware (he told me at 4 years old that he could not turn off his thoughts to listen to me or to fall asleep - like a TV perpetually on).
I filled him in on the IEP discussions and classroom accomodations.
When we moved recently, we discussed school choices and extra-curricular activities, which we selected to strengthen his weaknesses.
His talents and skills are highlighted just as his weaknesses are pointed out. Everything is open and explained. I am sure it helps build a climate of trust.

PP: What type of extra curricular activites does your son enjoy? Mine is 7 as well. It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship. Thanks for sharing.

-OP

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you?

[Anonymous]

Try Dr. Vanitha Nair. http://vanithanairphd.com/
I have been seeing her for a year. My DC is still young, so no official diagnosis, but she has been my sanity check through it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you?

Bethesda

[Anonymous]

Is he on meds? I swore I'd never do meds for DS, but meds have made a world of difference for him and for me.

We tried for years to institute behavioral changes and nothing worked. When he got meds, he was able to change some behaviors.

One of the biggest changes with the meds was with his self esteem. He's a smart kid who was increasingly frustrated with school. He saw other kids doing the work and he understood the concepts, but couldn't figure out how to do the work in a way the school wanted. He feels so much better about school and his behavior.

We still have ups and downs, but life is so much better for all of us. Meds aren't for everyone, but it made a huge difference for us.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not alone. I'm so frustrated 90% time too.

I would try calling Maureen Donnelly, MD -- 301 564 6083.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not alone. I'm so frustrated 90% time too.

I would try calling Maureen Donnelly, MD -- 301 564 6083.

Hang in there.

+1
Love Dr. Donnelly. She's sees our kids, but also helps me with advice, good ear, etc. Not therapy for me per se, but at least someone on my "team"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no therapist recs but have worked on letting go of my guilt!

I yell at my 7 year old ADD son several times a week. I have made enormous efforts to restrain the impulse to slap him. I sometimes resort to speaking acidly or use sarcasm.

Oddly enough, we have a great relationship, and hug and kiss during 99% of the bedtime routines. We tell each other "I love you".
He knows that I love him and have sacrificed so much for him. He knows that I will always put his needs first, ALWAYS.

I communicate openly with him about his special-ness - of which he is very aware (he told me at 4 years old that he could not turn off his thoughts to listen to me or to fall asleep - like a TV perpetually on).
I filled him in on the IEP discussions and classroom accomodations.
When we moved recently, we discussed school choices and extra-curricular activities, which we selected to strengthen his weaknesses.
His talents and skills are highlighted just as his weaknesses are pointed out. Everything is open and explained. I am sure it helps build a climate of trust.

PP: What type of extra curricular activites does your son enjoy? Mine is 7 as well. It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship. Thanks for sharing.

-OP

You're welcome

Before we moved from Bethesda, DC did Karate - it is said that martial arts improve focus, and it is true that he had to concentrate hard to follow the rapid tempo and precise directions. The sensei gave out stickers at the end of class for paying attention, and when the children accumulate 10 stickers they get a little Karate pin, badge, etc... DC received a sticker less often than the others, but it did work as a motivator, whereas previous home or school reward systems were of no interest to him.

Now my son has violin lessons at his new school - it is a difficult first instrument, if the finger is not precisely where it should be on the string the sound is awful, so again, lots of concentration needed. He loves it, and is quite musical.

At home, I give him abacus lessons. His mental calculation is slow, so we borrowed from the abacus mental math method taught all across Asia to boost them. He used to receive lessons from Komodo Abacus in Germantown. The abacus method engages the right side of the brain to visualize numbers, whereas traditional mental calculation only involves the left side of the brain. If your son is very visual, like mine, it could speed up his maths. He thinks it quite fun.

Lastly, he has writing practice at home, which he loathes; but his handwriting (spatial localization in general) is poor, so we practice dictation and letter formation to stay on target for school. In the future for middle school, his IEP will probably include the ability to use a laptop to type in class.

His strengths are being extremely creative and inquisitive, and he has the run of our bookshelves.

I'm a one woman multi-therapist for my son - much cheaper than all the occupational, speech, physical therapists that he had before! Doing all this for him is also therapy for me - I can see we are making slow, slow, progress, and that reassures both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he on meds? I swore I'd never do meds for DS, but meds have made a world of difference for him and for me.

We tried for years to institute behavioral changes and nothing worked. When he got meds, he was able to change some behaviors.

One of the biggest changes with the meds was with his self esteem. He's a smart kid who was increasingly frustrated with school. He saw other kids doing the work and he understood the concepts, but couldn't figure out how to do the work in a way the school wanted. He feels so much better about school and his behavior.

We still have ups and downs, but life is so much better for all of us. Meds aren't for everyone, but it made a huge difference for us.

OP: It sounds like the meds have really worked well for your DS and family. If you don't mind me asking, how did you overcome the concern of risks around schedule 2 drugs, addiction issues, and medical links of stimulants to bipolar depression, anxiety, and hippocampus deterioration (alzheimers)? My DH is in the medical field and also has great concerns over introducting a stimulant to a developing mind and the long-term effects which are largely still unknown. If meds were to produce the effects that it sounds like you've had for our son I must say I would adocate for it still. You just have to be comfortable (or at least willing) to take the risk.

[Anonymous]

Try Jessica Kramer in Bethesda. She's a therapist for parents of challenging children.
http://www.bethesdacounselingassociates.com/Jessica-Kramer.html