"Are they natural?"
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Anonymous
| How has anyone faced the question if you have been lucky enough to be successful after ART with twins? I know people pose inappropriate questions all the time, like are they natural, or did you have any medical help, or the more subtle, were you surprised, or do they run in your family? How do you answer if you are not sharing your TTC journey? |
Anonymous
| All kids are "natural"- we're not raising robots. If you don't want to answer the question, just say yes, or we're incredibly grateful for them... or you can just change topics- "Oh, we feel really blessed with the boys, they're just so sweet. And your little Larla is lovely too, what is she up to these days? The boys are working on scooting...." etc etc. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you should let your dukes down, op, and realize that while you may perceive their question as inappropriate or impolite, their intentions are quite the opposite. They're trying to make conversation and inquire about your life and your children. They're showing an interest. They may express themselves clumsily in doing so, but can we all stop assuming the worst about people from the get-go? |
Anonymous
| I have B/G twins and got the "do they run in your family" question all the time. My standard answer was "no, but they do run our family" I don't think people mean to be rude and I cracked up with the "are they identical?" question as well, nope different plumbing folks! |
Anonymous
I think after a long journey to conceive that involves any sort of intervention, we're sometimes predisposed to see stranger's curiousity about twins as a question about their "origins" that it really isn't. Not every "does it run in your family" is really someone trying to figure out how you got twins, etc. People just make conversation, and are interested. Answer the question however you like--I just say 'yes', since now they do.  How they got here is not a conversation for the line in the grocery store, no?
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Anonymous
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Maybe quip something like "Yep, unfortunately they're 100% organic. We couldn't afford the bionic models."
Friend of mine -- lesbian -- is now visibly pregnant. Pretty much every person she sees asks how it happened (or looks ready to ask). I disagree that it's "just showing an interest" -- you wouldn't ask a straight, fertile couple "So, what positions did you use to conceive these little guys? Missionary? Doggy style?" |
Anonymous
Bad analogy. You would probably ask the same question about multiples of a fertile couple as you would of an infertile one. There's really no malice behind the inquiry. Ya'll need to stop being so sensitive. |
Anonymous
Our kid has an unusual name so when asked if it's a family name I usually say "it is now". I don't think there is malice behind it, but I do think it's rude. There are a lot of questions that are overly personal about which I could say the same thing, the trick is just to deflect them without getting too bothered by it. |
Anonymous
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People are awkward and can have all kind of hangups. It is no different than someone describing a child as "adopted child", "adopted son".... How you respond to the statement is up to you. Maybe there is malice, maybe there isn't. Try to be the bigger person and assume they are just being friendly and nice. Or you could describe your ourney and detail and that usually stops folks dead in their tracks! Yes, I had 52 transvaginal ultrasounds and look how blessed I am
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Anonymous
| "They had a two-for one sale at the mall" Lucky me, aren't they lovely? |
Anonymous
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I'm pregnant with identical twins, which makes it easy. I just tell people that identical twins don't run in families, rather it's just a random event in nature. Lucky us! (Frankly, we're terrified about having 3 kids, but that's another issue!).
If they only knew it was our second round of IVF and we used a donor egg this time..... |
Anonymous
You think it's rude for someone to ask if your kid's name is a family name? Really? |
Anonymous
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Mom of twins here...who underwent years of fertility treatment and finally was so fortunate, when our third IVF attempt worked.
I hated the questions...I don't care what place in their heart, mind or experience they were generated. I don't care their intent, just making chit-chat...or delving inappropriately into my medical history. I hated it. But...after some time, I have realized that 'hiding' the truth of our medical care has gotten more and more difficult, and frankly, I am tired of running defense about all of it at this point (my toddlers are 3.5 years old). And honestly, it all matters less and less to me how they got here, because I am overwhelmed by how much I adore them, and am thankful (less ashamed?) for the medical treatment that I was fortunate to receive, to get them here. I hate to admit, other than a few family members who might have had 'religious' objections to my using IVF, all the hang-ups about using IVF were probably mine, not anyone else's. It is difficult, when you are pregnant, dealing with such invasive kind of questions...you are still raw from dealing with all the interventions...the emotional ups and downs of the hormones and the treatments...and now on top of it, dealing with the pregnancy. Deal with it as it comes... Have some snappy quips for people on the street that you don't know...and have some quiet, gentle responses for older grandmas or aunts that are just thrilled about your pregnancy, and want to be immersed in it and the happiness it brings them. You also have to be prepared for a lot of attention (some unwanted and downright RUDE) once they are born. At one point, some stranger walked up to us and pushed me out of the way to get to my baby! All I can tell you, is that it dies down as they get older...and the comments get less and less...and pretty soon (and this all happened by the time they turned three!) the only ones who want to talk to you about it are other parents of multiples. I sometimes forget the uniqueness (still) of having multiples. To me they are just my two, VERY different kids, who happened to be born on the same day. My generic response, now, is something like..."We worked really hard and long to bring them into this world (people just assume the pregnancy was tough--they rarely assume that we mean BEFORE pregnancy)...we are extremely blessed to have them, and they obviously are our world." |
Anonymous
| No, they are completely made up of chemicals. (also a true statement). Best of luck op. |
Anonymous
Ha. I made the mistake of poking into a store for some retail therapy right after an IUI. The saleswoman kept bringing out tight fitted tops and dresses and I kept saying I wanted soft and comfy. Finally, after a black slinky dress came at me I said, "sorry, I'm pumped full of fertility drugs and feel like a human sweet potato ... no more tiny dresses". Welp, that did the trick
OP, I'm very honest about where I've been and where I might go. My approach might be to say, nope, we needed some fertility treatments. And to answer questions if I knew the asker might need some info. of her own. But that's just my tiny personal way of trying to destigmatize this all. If you want to keep it private, just offer an easy breezy non answer. |