"Are they natural?"

[Anonymous]

My husband's really athletic and active...

When we were talking about that question...he insisted that he was going to answer with...

"Our twins will be running in OUR family..."

[Anonymous]

I think you first respond with, why do you ask? The person may be starting their own journey and you can be of assitance. If not, they will no doubt drop the subject.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a totally obnoxious question, if asked out of idle curiousity... but sometimes I also know it's asked out of idle curiousity and people don't think about how rude and invasive the question potentially is. In that sense, I put it in the category of "do you plan on having any more " (to me, who suffers from secondary infertility)- people mean no harm but MAN is it none of their business.

Then again, I have asked that question- or wanted to, and hinted around it- myself when I've wondered if the person did IVF and I was starting my own IVF journey. And it was really helpful.

[Anonymous]

"Do twins run in your family?"
"Are they natural?"

"No, we were stunned. It took Leo a month to get used to the idea!"

Even with IVF, my doc told me that out chances of twins were 20% if the IVF round was successful (which was about 50% chance). So there was still only a 10% chance, so it was a surprise. If it's a good friend, I tell them. But the checker at Giant does not need to know.

By the way, my twins are 5 now and I rarely get asked anymore, ever. I more often get, "Are you going to try for a girl?" - also bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you first respond with, why do you ask? The person may be starting their own journey and you can be of assitance. If not, they will no doubt drop the subject.

I realize you're saying this from a place of giving the asker the benefit of the doubt. The problem is that people who had to go through IVF should not be assumed to be ambassadors for the world of infertility. We've been through a lot. Maybe sometimes we just want to have our coffee and chill out with our kids at the park.

[Anonymous]

"Do twins run in your family?"
My answer: "No, but they do run in the fertility clinic we used."

Then the asker usually mentions someone they know who used ART. I don't mind, I think it's an interesting thing to talk about.

It's true people sometimes say stupid stuff (I once was asked if my twins were "love children") but more often than not no one means any harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe quip something like "Yep, unfortunately they're 100% organic. We couldn't afford the bionic models."

Friend of mine -- lesbian -- is now visibly pregnant. Pretty much every person she sees asks how it happened (or looks ready to ask).

I disagree that it's "just showing an interest" -- you wouldn't ask a straight, fertile couple "So, what positions did you use to conceive these little guys? Missionary? Doggy style?"

As a single mom people feel way more entitled to ask questions, offer suggestions, or tell me that what I'm doing is wrong, than could qualify for just curiosity. It's rude.

I plan to answer minimally and then pull out the "do you ask your married friends this question"?

I don't care if I'm being oversensitive, they're my boundaries on what I want to tell and I am beyond tolerating intrusive or rude inquiries.