Gay and Lesbian Parents: Do you ever have guilt...
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Anonymous
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...about bringing children into a home that society has yet to accept?
I love my children, but the more I see how aggressive and mean our world is to the gay community the more I question myself for bringing them into the world. I know that my partner and I provide a loving healthy home Enviroment, I just worry about how they'll handle the outside world. I wish I could protect them forever. My 8-year-old DS has had some issues with homophobia, and handled it gracefully, I'm just upset that he is treated u fairly because of who his parents are, it brings me guilt at times. Anyone else feel this way? |
Anonymous
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We have an 10 year old and a 7 year old. Nope, I don't feel any guilt for my kids being raised by 2 moms (who are 2 different races). There are always going to be people who don't accept some group of people. Racism is alive and well, yet African-American or Latino parents don't and shouldn't feel guilt about bringing children into the world.
Our 10 year experienced some teasing from kids in his class. He didn't tell us because he was trying to handle his business. We found out because another classmate (child of straight parents)heard what was happening and called the kids out. We couldn't have been prouder of the way his other classmates and teachers responded. I don't have time for guilt and neither do you. I'm focused on raising kids who are bright, kind and strong. I cannot protect them from every mean person. But I can raise them to be strong for themselves and for others. |
Anonymous
The world will be a better place because of your courage. |
Anonymous
| I agree with PP. I certainly have struggled with some internalized homophobia since my kids were born, and therapy helped with that, but I think we all struggle with wanting to protect our kids and provide them the best environment. My kids have a home filled with so much love, they are given so many opportunities... So, no I don't feel guilt. I share a wish that our world were kinder to people who have differences, but I have to focus on the positive. |
Anonymous
| There is growth of acceptance with each new generation. Your children will be the seed of that growth. |
Anonymous
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I'm not gay, but a friend to several gay couples. Go back and look at the Youtube video of Zach Wahls addressing the Iowa state senate and tell me there are *ANY* parents out there who would have a problem raising such a son in the environment that isn't completely supportive of his parents.
Your job is to prepare your children for the world they live in. Just like those of us others who also are not approved of by society (we are a biracial family and have some difficulties as well). |
Anonymous
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If people don't marry or have kids because they are nervous about the backlash, progress will never be made and acceptance will never happen.
That goes for any group. |
Anonymous
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No, I don't feel any guilt. Because 1) guilt over something you couldn't/wouldn't change is a useless emotion 2) kids can be teased about all sorts of things 3) I'm not responsible for the prejudices of others.
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Anonymous
| I think it probably makes your kids stronger, more thoughtful, and more compassionate individuals. |
Anonymous
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OP, you are describing what a lot of interracial couples were told a generation ago: why would you do that to your children, your choices are making it so hard for them, blah blah blah. That's just fear talking and you need to get some support to let it go. Yes, you are part of a minority group, gay people, and you didn't choose that and your life may have been harder for it. Yes, your children are part of a minority group, children of gay people, and they didn't choose that and their lives may be harder for it. That doesn't mean that the answer is to deny who you love or deny yourself the experience of parenting.
Remind yourself that every person and every child experiences hardships and you can never assume that a different outcome would have been a better one. I'm a child of straight parents who were abusive and dysfunctional and never protected or stood up for me. My child is white and has two parents of different genders, and she is being raised by someone managing PTSD and anxiety. We can't control who we are and we do not need to flog ourselves for having the audacity to be outside the normative ideal and still choose to have families. Hope that this is the hardest thing your child has to deal with and leave it at that. |
Anonymous
| Good luck, OP! Hell, I feel that way sometimes because I brought my daughter into the world as a "bastard." Her dad and I weren't married - split up before she was born. I do occasionally encounter judgment, but not enough to make me regret it. There are a lot of us who support families like yours. |
Anonymous
| Your kids will probably grow up with more empathy as a result. There is a book called "Operation Marriage" that was about this very topic. DC loves it. Your family's presence at the school is a blessing for all, as more children will begin to see your family simply as another range of normal. You have nothing to feel guilty about. |
Anonymous
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No, I definitely don't feel guilty. For one thing, many times children will find a reason to be mean, no matter what it's about...
And I really view that the world is making lots of progress - in my own daily life (living in NOVA, public schools) I don't really see that the world as a whole is mean to the gay community.. Don't get me wrong, it's not always easy but I've been working hard on making sure I am affirming myself so I can hold my head high and proud and set that example for our child. |
Anonymous
| That shouldn't affect your right to live or your family's "right" to exist. There was a time when the world with all the power and money was not accepting of non-white people. Everyone has their burden to bear. Remember that adversity can build strong character. |
Anonymous
| Never. |