My Mom Worked Her Whole Life, But Only Gets My Dad's Social Security

My Mom Worked Her Whole Life, But Only Gets My Dad's Social Security — Feels Like a Scam

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03/24/2025 15:36

Subject: My Mom Worked Her Whole Life, But Only Gets My Dad's Social Security — Feels Like a Scam

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I’ll respond.

I’ll admit, I was confused at first. I’ve been going back and forth between my phone and computer, so some of my earlier posts weren’t worded as clearly as I’d like. But I’ve been reading the replies and trying to understand it better.

That said, I still feel like Social Security doesn’t really fit everyone equally — especially for people in the upper middle class who already have other protections in place. What surprised me most wasn’t just how confusing it felt, but how quickly people jumped to insult me for even bringing it up. Only a few acknowledged that it is confusing for a lot of people, which is honestly what got me thinking in the first place.

I totally understand my long-term and short-term disability insurance. I understand how term vs. whole life insurance works. I understand how a 401k works. But Social Security? It still feels unclear, and honestly, that’s part of why I’m not sure I even want it — because I don’t fully understand what I’m actually getting.

Maybe I’m missing something. I can see how the system helps in cases of disability or job loss, but for someone like me who already has coverage through work and pays extra for supplemental protection, it doesn’t feel like a good fit.

My mom worked her whole life and I didn’t realize she’d only get one benefit — hers or my dad’s, not both. That really threw me. I’m not saying we should throw the whole system out, but if you want people like me to understand and support it, it helps to explain it — not mock the people asking questions.

Because some of what you are saying is so incredibly and unbelievably stupid that it is difficult to refrain from calling you out. The purpose, function, and limitation of SS has been explained many times on this thread by several posters. If you really can’t understand by now, then maybe this just isn’t one of your gifts. Recognize that there are financial advisors and all sorts of professionals who DO understand these things and let them carry you.

Ok, call me stupid if you want, but you're still not showing the actual value of Social Security, just repeating how it works and saying I should accept it or move. That doesn't answer the questions.

Let’s say my mom took my dad’s survivor benefit for 15 years before retiring. Does that really equal what he paid into the system over decades? Maybe I’m misunderstanding, and maybe it balances out for people who live a long time, but it’s not clear. The payout seems to depend a lot on timing and life expectancy.

What if both spouses worked their whole lives, collected benefits for just 5 years, and then died? Where does all the money they paid in go? It’s just gone?

I’m a millennial. Most of us don’t have pensions and will likely work into our 70s. If both spouses do that and only live a few years after retiring, do we actually get back what we put in? Or are we funding a system that won’t return nearly as much as we contributed?

If the common norm for my generation, as it seems happened with my mom, is that both spouses work into their 70s and pass not long after, will the mandatory draw from Social Security even equal what we put in?

Your assumptions are bad.

Most millennials will not be in married couples where both people work into their 70s. Many millennials aren't getting or staying married in a way that qualifies for spousal benefits. Many people will be unable to work past 70--because the jobs are too physically or mentally demanding for their abilities, they want to retire, they need to provide care for family members, they get laid off, they died long before reaching age 70 (plenty of people die in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s...).

And of the people who are working past 70, few die in their early 70s. Many will live into their 90s or 100s.

What happened to your dad--a high earner who delayed claiming and died before the breakeven point--is not common. It certainly happens: it's the nature of insurance that some people get out less than they put in. But far more common are early claimers who die on the young side, and late claimers who live for decades past 70.

OP, the purpose of Social Security is to prevent poverty among the elderly. It is NOT to pay out to you what you put in. In 1935, about half of all elderly were poor. Social Security fixed that, so in recent years we have only about 10% of the elderly in poverty. This chart shows the dramatic reduction in poverty: https://www.opportunityinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/Social-Security-seniors-in-poverty.png