Issue with a friend over school teacher
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Anonymous
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I became friends with a neighborhood woman when we were both pregnant with our second kids (used to meet at park).
Our oldest was a little younger than her oldest and we took friend's suggestion on a preschool for our DC. Friend loved, loved, L-O-V-E-D this preschool and we liked it well enough (and its walking distance from both our homes), so we joined. I work, and she is sahm, so we usually saw each other at pick up and drop off times. As I went back to FT, I saw less and less of her, but she always kept me updated on school - raved about how nice the holiday party was, about how well the field trip was run, etc etc etc... Fast forward one year and her child is injured at school and Friend blames the teacher, the school, the equipment. Friend actually goes a little nuts calling up families about lack of safety at school, tries to start a petition to have playground equipment removed, and tries to have the supervising teacher (an assistant) fired for neglect/lack of supervision. Friend goes on a legal rampage researching injuries at schools and who can be held responsible... I listened to the craziness for several weeks - she asked my legal advice, but I'm in a totally different legal field and don't know enough about schools/liability/etc. Finally, I go in and talk to Head of School, who explains the situation very clearly - Child climbed to top of structure, then on top of structure. Assistant got nervous, called out to another teacher to help her and got up on the equipment herself (b/c kid was refusing to get down), kid fell. Head tells me, point blank, that the mother has refused to come in to even hear the story from the assistant who saw it happen (Friend gives a very different story involving ALL the teachers going inside and leaving the kids alone outside) Long story short: the mom pulled the kid out of the school due to the "neglect." And she seems to think we should leave the school, too, because of the dangers of this school. On the day she pulled out, she informed me that the school had a long history of issues around neglect and accidental injuries and that i should look into it and that she hoped i would make the right decision. She no longer calls and for some reason, she always has to get right home when we randomly meet at the playground... I am actually kind of annoyed by her - she's been so inflammatory and outrageous that i don't really want to be very close to her, but what's her deal? why would she think i should/would follow her and do whatever she does? why would she shun me at the playground b/c we made different decisions that she did? |
Anonymous
| The swing from praising the school to excoriating the school suggests your friend has an emotional problem. |
Anonymous
| I have this happen to me a lot. I become friends with someone only to find out (the more I get to know them) that they are bat shit crazy. Op, I would just cross her off your list of friends and move on. This is why I have VERY few friends and I'm totally okay with it. |
Anonymous
| Her extreme polar emotions make her sound irrational and "nutty" to me. Ignore her. |
Anonymous
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I have a formerly dear friend who flipped out about something that happened to her older child -- an alarming situation but one that turned out not to be dangerous. She was so over the top freaked out about it, and when I tried to point out the other side of the story, she stopped talking to me.
I really miss her but people get like this, what can you do? |
Anonymous
+1 OP, this gal sounds like someone with a lot of problems. She seems extremely defensive and is doing everything she can to deflect blame onto this school. Plus, she's desperate to have all the other parents join her because she needs the validation; just as she needed you all to join her in sending your kids to the school in the first place. My guess is that this woman is deeply, deeply insecure about parenting. She may even feel guilty that she let her kid attend a school where the LO got hurt. It's totally irrational, but that's still my guess. This kind of person breeds nothing but conflict because they need constant positive reinforcement and affirmation. It's exhausting. You dodged a bullet. |
Anonymous
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People who go gaga over something and can't see the bad are often in line to flip over to the opposite side. This is black/white thinking. Normal people know that nothing is perfect and accidents happen and you have to go with the flow and a thousand other truisms about how the world works.
Your relationship with this woman echoes her relationship with the school. You have gone from being all good to being all bad. Now that you are not her total friend and complete supporter on the issue of the evil negligent school, you are her complete enemy and must be shunned as such. You see how she operates in her mind. This is mental illness, or at least not healthy thinking. I would cut ties before you find that you are the object of some sort of paranoid rumor about your evildoings. |
Anonymous
| Op, good riddance to bad rubbish. Seriously. |
Anonymous
| I think you should ask your friend to post her side of the story. |
Anonymous
| This is very easy. "Friend, I don't agree with your scorched earth policy and will be keeping my child in the school." Then you totally disconnect with her. No big loss. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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++1
When my children were in elementary school we had a neighbor like this. She'd get super emotional over a minor school issue and stop me to chat while I was walking the dog, or stop to talk at the grocery store. She would babble on about how we all needed to lobby against the (insert inconsequential issue here) at the school. She wanted validation and would get so upset when I wouldn't agree to participate and join her in confronting the principal. You can't win. Keep the person at arm's length. |
Anonymous
| She does sound nutty, but just out of curiosity I might look into the school's supposed history of neglect and injuries to see if there is any truth in it. |
Anonymous
Maybe she was a bit over the top, but honestly, if YOUR kid is hurt in school, whom would you blame? There were several of us in a shitty preschool. The first pal pulled her kid during her second year - very early on. I followed a few months after, and a third didn't return the next year. There were safety concerns we had about the school as well as issues with the teachers and co-oping parents. When asked about the school, I never say a kind word, and neither do my friends. However, to those who stayed - who had kids lucky enough to escape some of these situations - they still give it glowing recommendations. Until it touches you, you can never really judge. |
Anonymous
| I think lots of people become irrational when their child gets hurt. You want to blame someone because if it is no ones fault, You realize it can happen again. Next time you see her, just say you understand she is upset over her child getting hurt, but you Have weighed the evidence and decided to keep your child there. And just repeat or refuse to continue discussing the topic. |