Issue with a friend over school teacher
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Anonymous
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OP here - I really appreciate the perspectives gives and the general advice to leave well enough alone...
I wasn't an ultra-supporter of the school until this happened and I saw how poorly the mom handled it and how quick the school was to meet with me and be honest. Several other parents who were similarly riled up also arranged meetings and we were all told the same story. I have no idea where friend got the story about lack of supervision from. I actually tried to correct her early on when I heard the account and she went even more nutty - "they're keeping things from me!" I asked around about the school's history and there was a kid who fell inside the class and broke a bone years ago. I went back to the Head and she confirmed this, too, but couldn't say any more - she said that all appropriate incident reports were done and the child went to the ER and stayed at the school. In addition to running away from me at the park, friend has also created a community of sympathizers out of our mutual friends, and since I don't really have a "side" - what am I going to do - tell them friend is crazy and lying? - i've been left out of a few of the neighborhood parties... it's not the end of the world, but just feels bad. |
Anonymous
| This is so elementary-schoolish. IF a requirement of being their friend is that you have to agree with them on everything and pull your kid out of school you're comfortable with, is it really worth being their friend? Shit like this happens! My youngest tripped and shattered a sliding glass door at our daycare. Other than a big knot on his head, he wasn't hurt but he was seriously scared (as was our provider). How could I blame the provider for that. Should she ban running? My oldest was running on the playground at school, wasnt' looking where he was going and ran right into the chain link fence. He had a gash under his eye from it. How in the world could the school have prevented that? |
Anonymous
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Let her have her sympathizers. It doesn't really matter at this point. I hope it dies down and she can be a regular friend again for you.
I had a friend like this who dropped me b/c after knowing both she and her husband for over a decade, I refused to join her in demonizing him once they got a divorce that she initiated. I think it's partly due to a "control freak" personality that needs to ignore elements that don't fit in the personal narrative regardless of the facts. |
Anonymous
Yup, and accidents of every kind imaginable happen even at wonderful schools. It's silly to demonize a school for an accident. A good school will learn from an accident. If they don't do a safety review and "lessons learned," then you can freak out and wonder whether there is something really wrong. A parent who gets upset just because a child has an accident is a parent to be avoided. |
Anonymous
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Here us what I notice:
Kid gets injured on playdate Parent A blames the other parents...As parents, you should know to push in your dining room chairs. Parent B blames the kid ... Johnny, you weren't watching where you were walking. Parent C accidents happen / fault of none...Hey, kids fall and we fail to notice tripping hazards. Happens to us all. All three parents appear normal at first glance. Until the day the kid gets hurt do you see who is A, B, or C. |
Anonymous
| My big concern is that the head told you all this information about another kid. That would worry me. And why are you sure that the head was honest and mom is lying, not the other way around? |
Anonymous
I agree. It's possible the school's story was 100% right, and the parent's is 100% wrong. It's possible it's the other way around. More likely there's some truth in the middle. |
Anonymous
That's not really the point, though. The point is that the other mom expects the OP to support her 1000 percent. It doesn't sound like the school is torturing OP. |
Anonymous
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I don't understand why people think a friend should agree with them on every single opinion. And if they don't, well them CUT THEM LOOSE.
I, for one, like hearing different opinions because the older the get the more I realize the less I know. If a friend agrees with me on everything, I start to think maybe they're not too intelligent (-: |
Anonymous
You are rare. |
Anonymous
| Some insecure people want every friend to either line up on their side or become the enemy. Those are not good friends to have. |
Anonymous
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OP, unless she wronged you personally (stabbed you in the back, made up something that was untrue, etc.) I wouldn't worry about it. Too many people are quick to say "she's nuts" without knowing the whole story. I seriously doubt that each of the PPs have a medical or psychiatric degree, probably not even one. In fact, most of the nuts I know are in the psychiatric profession, but I don't hold that against them.
Truth is, as PP said, people get emotional when it is THEIR child. Do you know for certain how you would react if it was yours? Not likely. Let it go. Support her if you can. Tell her you would rather not get involved if you can't. In my neighborhood, everyone thought this one lady was crazy because she stuck up for herself. Wasn't it Churchill who said if you have made enemies, you must have stuck up for something in your life? I can not in good faith hold that against anyone, seriously. So, she's on a crusade to make the playground safer. More power to her. It is not as if she is trying to mob against one person for no legitimate reason (for example). I have plenty of complainers in my neighborhood who just look for trouble. Maybe you can have them. They would keep any good psychiatrist busy for years! |
Anonymous
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Op here - I actually felt very badly at how much she maligned the school and the teacher. It was awful. It was wrong. She just didn't behave like an adult - didn't go in and say "please sit down with me and tell me exactly how my child fell." instead, she took her stress at the injury and went for a scape-goat and never went in for a conversation with the Head until she had burned all bridges, upset all the parents, and was leaving. It really pissed me off that she acted so immaturely.
And, it's upsetting to me that this person I considered a real friend now excludes my child from her kids' birthday parties and cutting me off from our group of mutual friend's. Hence, I post here. Sigh. |
Anonymous
| OP, you are really mean. |
Anonymous
| Why mean?? |