What's the motivation behind wanting to meet up with an ex after many years

[Anonymous]

Male here. Just got back from meeting up with ex-gf from many years ago. I didn't want to meet her, but eventually agreed to it. What's the point? Now I've got mixed emotions. Before, I was long past her. Of course I still though about her occasionally, but nothing more than that. Now I'm thinking about her again. Why do people want to reopen old wounds? Just let things be. Things ended for a reason. It's not fair to have me start thinking about her again.

[Anonymous]

Why did you agree to meet her? I agree with you that all it does is repoen new wounds or take you back to a past you already left.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your current relationship status.

If you are single, maybe you can see if you both have grown to a point that you now would be good for each other. People change with time. Physically, there must have been some attraction there or you would not have consented to meet her again.

Sometimes, meeting again confirms closure if it reaffirms why you broke up to begin with. In that case, move on with life.

Meeting with ex is bad news though if you are in a relationship (ie. married or have a significant other). Let sleeping dogs lie and love the one you are with. Will only cause drama and hurt. No one needs that.

[Anonymous]

People are bored and have no work ethic. If they did, they would have better things to do than to sit around dreaming "what if...."

Stalkbook makes it so much easier to connect. So if times get tough, your spouse isn't speaking to you, you are bored with your life, and you lack something to do with yourself...why not look up the ex. "Oh we could have been something but I am going to pretend that I just want to meet you to catch up and that's all I was thinking."

[Anonymous]

Just don't see her again & don't interact with her. Get back to your real life and the thinking-about-her thing will pass.

[Anonymous]

yeah, this is why I went semi-ballistic when DH was back in touch with his ex, secretly (not a friend mind you, but someone who had a strong hold on him for a long time and who he admitted strong, complicated feelings fore even early in our marriage). He saw no harm in it, but I felt that he was in denial. The motivation, to answer your question, is often about the ego--does that person still find me attractive? Will I still feel a spark? do I unconsciously want to sabotage my marriage? etc. If you're smart, leave well enough alone.

[Anonymous]

It might be totally innocuous. I reconnected with an ex bf through FB. It is wonderful to know that he is okay in life and that we really weren't "meant" for each other, as I had so long believed. It helped the animosity shrivel up, for both of us. Now we occasionally send an email (maybe a few times a year) and that's it.

[Anonymous]

Boredom. No friends. Pathetic I know but these would be my reasons.

[Anonymous]

I'm friends with most of my exes. We got together because we had something in common, I liked the way they thought, etc. and I still do even if the romance didn't work out.

We support each others' marriages, period. Cheating is just not an issue. If there was ever that thought, it would be analyzed and dealt with, not cherished or indulged.

[Anonymous]

if you are seeking a blast from the past, you have the following two things occurring in your life: 1) you presently don't have enough going on in your life, and 2) you are dancing around the idea that you'd like to bang a former gf/bf.

[Anonymous]

Curiosity

[Anonymous]

Dude, cut off all contact. The past is the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude, cut off all contact. The past is the past.

Exactly. Just count this as a lesson learned and don't get talked into this again.

[Anonymous]

An old girlfriend who dumped me years ago for another guy contacts me every few years and tried to connect on FB. I think for some women it's an ego thing - oh, this guy has never stopped being into me. In my case, I never respond because no attention is the best medicine for someone like her.

[Anonymous]

I reconnected with an ex boyfriend on FB. We never communicated, I just accepted his friend request. We have tons of mutual friends. On my 40th bday last month, he sent me a message saying he still loves me. Ughhh, I didn't reply and want to unfriend him, but haven't done it yet.