Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?

[Anonymous]

Let me start from the beginning; my friend called me about 2 weeks ago and asked me when I was going to be "child free" so we could go out to lunch and go shopping. I told her that the kids would be starting school this week and I would be kid free then. We decided to get together yesterday. I invited her over for coffee, brunch and then we were going to go to the mall afterward. She arrives at my house with her 3rd grade dd ( she homeschools). She explains to me that her dd didn't want to stay home with her dad so she had to bring her. I told her "no problem." While we were chatting and having coffee her dd asks if she can go play in my dd's room. I explain that she is free to play or watch TV in the playroom but my girls don't like anyone in their room unless they are there. I also explained that the only thing in their room is their bed and their clothes so it was "boring" anyway. The girl copped an attitude the rest of the time. When we were ready to leave to go shopping she starts saying " if you are going to the mall I don't want to stay long." I tell my friend that maybe we should reschedule shopping for another day.
I wake up to an email from my friend telling me that she and her dd were very hurt after leaving my house. They both were made to feel unwanted and disrespected ( she talked about how I wouldn't even let her dd play in either of my dd's rooms and how she was disappointed that I didn't trust her child....WTF, really!!)
Does anyone feel like I was rude or disrespectful? Before anyone asks, NO there was no more to the story. I told her dd she could play in the playroom but my kids room was off limits and I only said let's reschedule shopping for another day because her dd made it clear she was not interested in shopping at the mall. Beside, my friend is the one that requested a kid free get together. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Your friend is being over sensitive and you're compounding it by being offended by their offense.

[Anonymous]

Questions - how old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

I think you were totally reasonable. Your house, your rules, end of story-- that should be a no-brainer for the mom, and the 3rd greater should be able to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

This is why I find the entire concept of homeschooling phony. Instead of being in class with other kids, that 3rd grader was hanging around in someone else's house, demanding to play in someone else's rooms and then giving you the attitude about not wanting to 'go shopping'. WTF??

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP. Homeschooling issues aside, if your friend said the three of you were going shopping, the three of you should have done just so, right from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Questions - how old are your kids?

6 and 9

[Anonymous]

What I find most interesting is that your friend's homeschooling lesson plan for the day involved playing at your house and going to the mall. Quality.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, lots of kids were not in school yesterday.

[Anonymous]

I just want to defend the homeschooling issue - I homeschool and we go until mid-June and start after Labor Day. Also, we see nothing wrong with doing all our schooling from 7-11am some days or 4-8pm other days. There's nothing wrong with what the OP's friend did in terms of taking her DD somewhere during traditional school hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to defend the homeschooling issue - I homeschool and we go until mid-June and start after Labor Day. Also, we see nothing wrong with doing all our schooling from 7-11am some days or 4-8pm other days. There's nothing wrong with what the OP's friend did in terms of taking her DD somewhere during traditional school hours.

OT but may I ask your reason for homeschooling? Honestly curious.

[Anonymous]

I agree about the homeschooling thing. We have quite a few who homeschool. The kids spend a ton of time in Target and outside playing. Not to mention a few ppl I know who homeschool seem semi-literate -- hardly "qualified" teachers.

[Anonymous]

I only know one family that homeschooled, so small sample size, but out of 5 kids, only one went to college, and two had babies before they turned 18.

[Anonymous]

I think there's more to the story, OP, in that this woman felt some unhappy vibe that perhaps you weren't aware of.

I would focus on why she felt unwanted apart from the room thing. I would say you are so sorry she felt that way and ask her what led to that conclusion. Then work from there.

[Anonymous]

Uh, your friend is nuts! Why should you let her DD play in your kids room? My kids room does not have toys either, so I would have said the same thing. What's your friends' problem?