Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound to me like any actual homeschooling is happening in your friend's home classroom.

I don't allow others in my children's bedrooms for the same reason you gave. It's not MY decision, and it's not a reflection on the child who wants to go in. It's me respecting my child's wishes (and yours too).

I'm also curious why she would ask when you would be "kid-free" when she wasn't going to be? And why can't she tell her kid "tough noogies, you stay home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would let a child play in my kids' rooms. They only thing that would scare me is not being able to watch the child and they get into some trouble (choking or something). I might have explained it that way.

Why would you do that if your child has already said she doesn't like kids in her room when she's not there.

OP, explain to your friend that you were honoring your child's wishes about her private space and that you would do that with any child. It has nothing to do with trusting her daughter.

I suspect the real insult came when you said let's not go shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

What do you disagree with? Because I agree with what you're saying. I think the friend's mom sounds kind of terrible. But I'm just picturing a kid sitting there while grownups drink coffee and talk, feeling bored, and I am remembering myself at that age and maybe I'd have said Hey can I go play in Carrie's room? Or whatever. I'm NOT disagreeing that the child and her mom both acted kind of poorly, but I do think maybe OP could have spared more kindness to a little girl who was bored and probably should be in school. (BTW, not anti-homeschool at all, I just think this girl sounded super bored, and if you're making the commitment to homeschool, you probably need to have some strategies in place to make sure the child has things to do - just like you would do on summer vacation).

So OP, not blaming you, just pointing out that maybe you could have done more for the little girl. You shouldn't have HAD to, but it isn't really her fault her mom's a dope!

Ah, I do see your point. It's not the child's fault as much as her mom's. True, but this isn't really OP's responsibility and I don't think she should feel guilty that mother and DD were hurt and upset that things didn't go off the way they wanted. I feel that the daughter shouldn't have been there to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm also curious why she would ask when you would be "kid-free" when she wasn't going to be? And why can't she tell her kid "tough noogies, you stay home."

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to defend the homeschooling issue - I homeschool and we go until mid-June and start after Labor Day. Also, we see nothing wrong with doing all our schooling from 7-11am some days or 4-8pm other days. There's nothing wrong with what the OP's friend did in terms of taking her DD somewhere during traditional school hours.

Really? 4 hours of schooling a day? School lasts about 6 3/4 hours. Even if you factor in the 3/4 hours for lunch and recess, that's still 10 hours of less instruction per week.

[Anonymous]

Homeschooling takes less time because the work gets done much faster when there are fewer students.

Please realize a HUGE amount of logistics time is embedded in regular classroom hours to shepherd the students to open their books, prepare their pencil/paper, gather all the work, line up, share resources, move into groups, waiting for whispers to die down etc... and that's not even counting time lost if there are real behavior issues (which there will be during a normal classroom year).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to defend the homeschooling issue - I homeschool and we go until mid-June and start after Labor Day. Also, we see nothing wrong with doing all our schooling from 7-11am some days or 4-8pm other days. There's nothing wrong with what the OP's friend did in terms of taking her DD somewhere during traditional school hours.

Really? 4 hours of schooling a day? School lasts about 6 3/4 hours. Even if you factor in the 3/4 hours for lunch and recess, that's still 10 hours of less instruction per week.

Not a homeschooler but a teacher here. You're kidding yourself if you think you're getting 6 hours of instructional time. Getting to and from lunch, recess, bathroom, and specials, morning attendance, afternoon packing up, repeating instructions, etc. add up to a significant chunk of the day.

[Anonymous]

OP, it all depends on your tone of voice and the vibe you were giving off. You can say all of these things in a nice way or a snarky way, but we can't tell from your post which it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My reply to her email:

"I'm sorry you feel that way Suzy. Janie was welcome to play in our playroom. My girls value their privacy, therefore, we don't allow other people in their rooms without their permission. When we were leaving for the mall your daughter expressed disappointment in going, so I thought it was best that we reschedule for a day when we can both be child free. I had a great day with you and look forward to going out with you again."

Sounds perfect to me. People who have their mind set on being offended cannot be helped.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that OP feels the need to be apologetic and is on the defensive when her friend scheduled the day to be "kid free", then brought her child, who then behaved poorly (whined about not wanting to participate in the planned activity, which wasn't about HER. Why should it be? It wasn't her playdates? It was her mother's event?) and wasn't happy enough to stay out of the bedroom and play on the playroom. How rude. I don't wander into other peoples bedrooms, either. So OP gets a confrontational email (bad form on her friend's part) and is the one apologizing. I think OP is the one owed the apology for the rude behavior from the child and for bringing DC in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to defend the homeschooling issue - I homeschool and we go until mid-June and start after Labor Day. Also, we see nothing wrong with doing all our schooling from 7-11am some days or 4-8pm other days. There's nothing wrong with what the OP's friend did in terms of taking her DD somewhere during traditional school hours.

Really? 4 hours of schooling a day? School lasts about 6 3/4 hours. Even if you factor in the 3/4 hours for lunch and recess, that's still 10 hours of less instruction per week.

It seems others have already explained how much time is eaten up by other little random things in a classroom, so I won't go over it again. Please keep in mind though, that everybody homeschools differently, and holds themselves (and their children) to different academic standards. The way one person homeschools is not necessarily the way others homeschool. However, I assure you, that both my children are on or above grade level for each subject, despite my daily four hour minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a nutso homeschooler why do you give a f***?

You are clearly so much more cultured and sophisticated than those dreadful homeschoolers, such as Thomas Edison and Theodore Roosevelt!

Psst. We are in the years 2000.

You know, you're right. But while many presidents, Supreme Court justices, artists, inventors, athletes, activists, military leaders and businessmen have homeschooled or self-taught BEFORE our current education system came to be, many have continued to do so. Their names might not be recognizable by historians yet, but that doesn't mean they are complete unknowns, either:

Erik Demaine (youngest professor hired by MIT)
Ben Bolger (professor at William and Mary)
Jimmy Wales (founder of Wikipedia)
Christopher Paolini (author of Inheritance series)
Venus and Serena Williams (tennis)
Dakota Fanning (actress)
Jason Taylor (pro football)
Sandra Day O'Connor (first female Supreme Court justice)
Lila Rose (founder of Live Action)

That's a tiny sampling. Famoushomeschoolers.net has a more thorough list.

"Homeschooling" does not need to mean "school at home from kindergarten through 12th grade.". It can mean unschooling, tutoring, co-ops, taking time off, etc. It just means an alternative to institutional, lockstep school.

During my 15 (so far) years of homeschooling, I have both relaxed more and become more passionate. Yes, you'll see us out and about, living life. So what? Life is learning, the universe is our classroom, etc.

Hopefully, you'll never see my kids act like spoiled brats, and I would not pull a stunt like OP's friend. But I have no doubt I'll be judged negatively by the majority of DCUMers simply because we march to a different educational tune.

So be it. My oldest is taking college classes as a 10th grader because she self-taught to a 5 on her AP exam as a 9th grader. But to me, if I have a child who struggles, that's ok. If I do my job as a parent, my children will grow up loving life, loving learning, and on fire to do whatever they are called to do according to their unique gifts. All the things that are SO important in institutional schools are not even on their radar, and I cherish the freedom.

"The revolutionaries will be homeschooled."

[Anonymous]

I think you were right OP and I applaud you for not letting the kid in your daughters room. My mom totally would have let her in my room when I was a kid and I would have felt horribly violated. I think you should just remind your friend that she asked for a kid free day and you had anticipated that and when the daughter didn't want to go shopping you thought it would be better to reschedule. I really don't think you did anything wrong. You set the limits and made sure the kid knew it.

[Anonymous]

Would never let a kid play in any of my kids' rooms if my kids aren't there. It's their space with their stuff so it's up to them to decide if someone can play there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a nutso homeschooler why do you give a f***?

You are clearly so much more cultured and sophisticated than those dreadful homeschoolers, such as Thomas Edison and Theodore Roosevelt!

Psst. We are in the years 2000.

You know, you're right. But while many presidents, Supreme Court justices, artists, inventors, athletes, activists, military leaders and businessmen have homeschooled or self-taught BEFORE our current education system came to be, many have continued to do so. Their names might not be recognizable by historians yet, but that doesn't mean they are complete unknowns, either:

Erik Demaine (youngest professor hired by MIT)
Ben Bolger (professor at William and Mary)
Jimmy Wales (founder of Wikipedia)
Christopher Paolini (author of Inheritance series)
Venus and Serena Williams (tennis)
Dakota Fanning (actress)
Jason Taylor (pro football)
Sandra Day O'Connor (first female Supreme Court justice)
Lila Rose (founder of Live Action)

That's a tiny sampling. Famoushomeschoolers.net has a more thorough list.

"Homeschooling" does not need to mean "school at home from kindergarten through 12th grade.". It can mean unschooling, tutoring, co-ops, taking time off, etc. It just means an alternative to institutional, lockstep school.

During my 15 (so far) years of homeschooling, I have both relaxed more and become more passionate. Yes, you'll see us out and about, living life. So what? Life is learning, the universe is our classroom, etc.

Hopefully, you'll never see my kids act like spoiled brats, and I would not pull a stunt like OP's friend. But I have no doubt I'll be judged negatively by the majority of DCUMers simply because we march to a different educational tune.

So be it. My oldest is taking college classes as a 10th grader because she self-taught to a 5 on her AP exam as a 9th grader. But to me, if I have a child who struggles, that's ok. If I do my job as a parent, my children will grow up loving life, loving learning, and on fire to do whatever they are called to do according to their unique gifts. All the things that are SO important in institutional schools are not even on their radar, and I cherish the freedom.

"The revolutionaries will be homeschooled."

I think it's great you homeschool. I'm sure your snowflake will achieve as much or more than those you list.
You spent so much time here it is evident how focused you are on his education.