Sister disowned me
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Anonymous
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My sister disowned me and my other sister yesterday over a facebook post. Well, that's not the whole reason. Both of my younger sisters are engaged, Sister A for 2.5 years, and Sister B for 2 months. B started planning immediately, and then picked the season (fall of next year) that A apparently had in her head, but hadn't begun to actually start planning. A got mad at B, and so I told them to chat about it and figure it out. Then A got mad at me. Time passes, I think they have figured it out, but A decides to bully sister B on facebook about anything she posts, and I make the mistake of saying, Simmer down" and then sister A says she's never speaking to either of us again. It went from simmer down, to you ruined my life in a matter of seconds.
I know she got lots of "why can't you be like oldest sister" and in her quest to differentiate herself from me she got in a lot of trouble, which she has started blaming me for, drinking, etc etc., things I can't actually be held responsible for, logically, but now I'm not sure. Was it my fault that she saw me going to parties and not get in trouble? Did I actually ruin her life? I'm sure I wasn't the perfect big sister, but I do remember trying to set a good example for my younger sisters, which I know backfired on lots of occasions. The thing is, I have a 6 month old son that she adores. I don't want her to not be in her nephew's life. I don't want to miss her wedding. I don't want her to regret missing sister B's wedding. I'm now terrified to have another child - what if they grow up to hate each other. Totally illogical, but that's where my head is right now. I'm heartbroken. I'm venting. |
Anonymous
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Don't buy in to this bs. Block sister A on FB. Send her an email "if you change your mind, I am here for you". After that ignore any dramatic communications from her. Do not engage with her again until she is prepared to act like a grown up. You don't disown people over freaking wedding dates and FB posts. and frankly if she's an over dramatic drunk then she doesn't belong around your 6 month old. Your son will be fine without her. Really you need to disconnect from your childhood feelings of responsibility for your sibling and focus on your life, your children, and only having people around who are healthy influences and contribute positively to your life.
What sister A chooses to do from here is not your responsibility. |
Anonymous
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Your sister sounds like she is grossly overreacting.
You're not to blame for her life's troubles. HOWEVER, it seems like your parents likely contributed to her problems by constantly comparing her to you while growing up. |
Anonymous
| Hey, one less thing to worry about right? |
Anonymous
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If I panicked every time my sister said she was never talking to me again, I would be in the ICU.
You're sisters. Work it out. |
Anonymous
| You are overreacting. It will pass. Do nothing in the interim. |
Anonymous
| It will blow over. Sounds like the whole lot of you are a tad bit overdramatic. |
Anonymous
| Dump her and re-sister. |
Anonymous
While I can understand where this poster is coming from, this sounds a lot to me like "just look out for number one". Honestly, if everyone only engaged with their family members when they behaved in a mature, logical and responsible manner, most of us would never speak to our families. And frankly, "If you change your mind, I'm here for you" sends her the message that a) you don't understand her at all and/or b) don't really care whether she is misunderstanding/ overreacting/misunderstood/needs help gaining perspective. Yes, I get that as adults, we are all responsible for our own lives. But this "I'm only going to keep people in my life who have something to offer and aren't a drain and I will disengage from people who are inconvenient or annoying or are a nuisance to me" may make sense when you are talking about boyfriends, office colleagues, seriously toxic friendships or "friends" who take advantage or abuse you and aren't really friends at all. I don't believe it should apply to family or otherwise good friends except in cases of serious, longstanding abuse. I am very concerned about how often I hear advice to just disengage from family or friends who, while definitely negative and needy and a real pain in the ass, also deserve and need friendship and compassion and conversations about their issues and not just be ignored. I'm glad and grateful that my family and friends have not treated me this way when I had my less than perfect moments in life. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Are either of these women mature enough for marriage? Well, in family dynamics, people do regress a lot, I suppose. OP, I don't see anything you have done wrong. A lot of garbage from the past here. I think you should do nothing for now. Wait several weeks and see if The Disowner contacts you. If she doesn't, drop her a note or email asking if she is feeling less anxious. |
Anonymous
Oh please, I'm sure she hasn't disowned you and she just needs a couple weeks to calm down. You are making way too big of a deal out of nothing. Sisters fight, they say "I'm never going to speak to you again" and a couple months later everything is fine. |
Anonymous
| Your sister is a drama queen. |
Anonymous
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3:42, OP isn't the one cutting off the stister, the sister is the one who cut her off! All the PP said is to not chase after the drama-seeking sister, but tell her that her decision is not irreversible. Basically, give her space to calm down and reconnect. If the sister never gets there, well, deal with that then - but seriously, if this is the cause for estrangement, she's got more serious problems that need to be addressed.
Your solution is what, chase after her like a puppy, and beg her to be friends again? That's just validating ridiculous behavior. |
Anonymous
| This is all nonsense. What are you all, teenagers? |
Anonymous
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Eh. It is really immature, but bridezillas can be that way. I'd probably send them both a note letting them know that you don't want to be in the middle of this issue and you are going to block them both from facebook until everyone can treat everyone with respect. Then tell them you love them, and do it.
They will come around. |