Pissed off at friend and need to vent
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Anonymous
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First, let me say this is going to be a vent and filled with petty things I'm sure.
Fiancee and I have been slowly planning our wedding, but due to family circumstances (both of our fathers hit a snag in their health), we have not gone ahead and set a date for our wedding. However, we have told all our friends and family what the plan is for the wedding and around the time we will be having the wedding (not this October, but the following one). So, my fiancee has a friend, who although is a nice guy, has had a lot of psychological problems. Thankfully, he seems to have found the right dosage of medications and has really gotten his life together. He met an amazing girl, has a steady job, and is no longer self medicating with random women, drugs, and alcohol. I'm thrilled that he is so happy and although he lives about 5 hours away, we see him about once a month. Fiancee got a call last night and his friend is now engaged. Like I said, I'm so happy to see him so happy. Yeah, they are planning on getting married on New Years in the exact same location we have told our friends about. I'm pissed. This location holds a special meaning to my fiancee and I, and his friend has never even been there (it is about 4 hours away from us, about 5 from him). WHAT THE FUCK. There is no way around him just choosing this location out of the blue as it's been discussed several times in front of him/with him. Fiancee is pretty annoyed as well and told his friend this. His friend apparently just shrugged it off. I know I am being petty about this and his friend can get married wherever he wants, but I def. feel like he knew very well we wanted to get married there last year and that's why he chose it. Last time we were with them (about a month ago) he kept joking that he was going to propose and going to beat us to the altar because he has to beat my fiancee at something. Even fiancee's other friends who are also friends with this guy think it was a shitty move of him. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent. I'm under so much stress with my dad and trying to plan this wedding, I think I'm acting overly emotional and annoyed about it. |
Anonymous
| Vent allowed! I'd be pissed too. However, there is exactly ZERO you can do about it. So you'll need to forgive and move on.... |
Anonymous
| OP, I'm not the type who cares too much about weddings and that sort of thing. My DH and I got married at city hall and didn't even have our parents there. We basically wore our work clothes to get married. So, yeah, I'm not very sentimental about weddings, but I get it. I think your friend is kind of a jerk and maybe he was joking about beating your fiance at something but maybe there was a seed of truth behind the jokes. He likely feels somewhat inferior and this makes him feel better. I'm sorry. |
Anonymous
That's what I keep telling myself. Fiancee says we'll just have to one up him for our wedding. I think he was joking....I think. |
Anonymous
How many months will be between the weddings? |
Anonymous
| Just don't go to their wedding and don't invite them to yours. Ignore the fact of their wedding and move on with your life and wedding plans. |
Anonymous
| OP here - Not totally sure to be honest. Our wedding will def. be next Sept or Oct (just not sure on exact date yet) . His friend is just starting to plan it and he's convinced they'll be getting married on New Years. Chances of that are probably 50/50 depending on availability and how much effort they are putting into the planning (it is the type of venue where you can have a low key affair or an extravagant one). So at most, there will probably be 9 months or so in between weddings. However, part of the problem and why we had told all our friends in advance about our plans is the cost involved. Several of fiancees friends do not make a lot of money and have to plan vacations in advance. So he had wanted to give the heads up that hey... in about a year we are getting married at this location, so start planning. So now, we don't feel like we could put his friends in that situation to shell out for two weddings. |
Anonymous
Op here - sorry just not that type of person. I'm pissed off and really annoyed that we have to change our plans for our wedding (and ok secretly hoping that they don't realize how expensive the location is and they decide to get married elsewhere) but I wouldn't put my fiancee in that type of position with his friend. Overall, he's a nice guy. |
Anonymous
Hm. Have you talked to this guy and his fiancee about the situation? Does she know that you said you had selected that venue? She might be your most sympathetic ally in this. Now then, lets say they book it for New Years (and PS, I be A LOT of people won't be able to make it because they already will have travelled for Xmas) and the mutual friends are all invited. Will you be ok attending? Will you consider another venue for yourselves? |
Anonymous
| Let this be the worst of your problems. |
Anonymous
This was pretty useless information. Not sure why you felt the need to tell us about his problems mentally, with women, drugs, etc. Are you trying to degrade him? Will that change the situation of him taking your favorite wedding location? The location is for everyone who pays. Get over it. |
Anonymous
Of course I would be upset, but as pp pointed out, nothing you can do. It's not like it will be the exact same wedding at all, just same venue. I would let it go - he is your friend and this isn't close to a dealbreaker 
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Anonymous
| OP here - yes we will go to the wedding and yes we will be looking for a different venue. His fiancee knows that we were planning on using that destination as we'd talked about it about a month ago. 19:24, you're right. I didn't need to include that in my vent, but again, wasn't really thinking and let it all flood out as I wrote. I am not trying to degrade him, but I guess part of my inclusion in it stems from the fact that up until 5 months ago his life was very chaotic. Fiancee and I had been together for 2 years when we got engaged and had planned on marrying earlier but life circumstances came up and we've had to delay things because of two serious illnesses. So, I guess I'm just jealous and being a bitch that he just met this girl 5 months ago and is now engaged and getting married in the venue he knew we wanted to get married in. |
Anonymous
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Unless your venue was the moon, pretty much any venue that does weddings is fair game. Maybe because you'd talked about the place to him, when he tried to think of a venue yours was the only one that came to mind.
Sorry, I think you should let it go. |
Anonymous
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Huge eye roll here. This vent belongs on the wedding channel, where freaky obsessed brides live, or the knot or whatever venue now serves that weirdo subculture. Why are you posting on a parenting site - Anyone who has kids understands that wedding neuroses would presumably have maured enough to realize that no one owns a possible, future wedding venue and even if this did cramp your oh-so-special, unique wedding extravaganza, it actually doesn't matter at all! So why DCUM, op?
And we'll all be waiting for you to post again in a few years, full of outrage that your friend has "stolen" your someday future baby name... |