Whitman HS Suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a freshman at whitman and tells me things very similar to the person at 22:31. School starts so early, they have so much work, psat nonsense and pressure start freshman year. Ive already told mine if she feels its too much she can step back and we will find alternatives for her. I don’t understand why this pressure is put on teenagers and can’t imagine how the stress is affecting their growth and development. I understand Jojo had other challenges beyond high school but in general Whitman does not seem a healthy place for young people.

The pressure at Whitman starts with the parents. They are so busy keeping up with the neighbors in the status race that that they don't look around to realize this. They are so eager to have their children succeed that they insist that the academic load be unmanigable. There is no other school in this county where the pressure is like this. I am very familiar with what goes on inside Quince Orchard, Northwest, and Poolesville. The kids there have normal teenage lives and their grades are not the life or death of them.

For the love of God Whitman parents calm down and lay off your kids. It does not matter if they go to Frostburg or Harvard. They will be fine wherever they end up.

Again - irreverent ! Stop posting this sanctimonious crap.

I tend to agree. Kids are actually under less pressure than ever. They are just conditioned to be less and less resilient and thereby just feel more pressure and stress because of their expectations and the advocacy of transference to this being the fault of the school/parents/society-at-large. They constantly get the message and that nothing is their fault or their problem. There are kids all over the world under much MORE stress and pressure than Americans kids., Spend some time at a school in Asia to see.

. I teach my kids to be resilient, to cope, to see problems they encounter as problems they must solve. it is amazing how many harmful messages including the first two of the three quoted above are out there.

Look at this:

I went to Whitman last year. I started the year happy, but with a diagnosed anxiety disorder and clinical depression. The school triggered a horrible mental breakdown for me. The pressure was never ending and I didn’t know how to fit in. I tried to kill myself 6 weeks into the school year, and thank god I survived. I went to a hospital program for a month, then did school from home through MCPS home and hospital. I now attend a therapeutic school, but I still suffer the damage and Still struggle with suicidal thoughts and self destructive behavior.

I felt like no one wanted to help me, at one point I had dropped all but 2 classes and spent most of the day in the library or goodwins office sobbing and begging to go home. I couldn’t handle so many people, so many assignments, it was horrible for me.

I didn’t know JoJo. But she was so loved, she was amazing. It breaks and shatters my heart to think of her feeling the way I felt, the desperation, the despair. No one deserves to die that way.

Please, protect your children. It’s so easy to be damaged so quickly in irreversible ways.

Notice everyting is a projection of this being an external issue? "The school triggered" "be damaged," etc.

Our ancestors, and I don't mean just prehistoric, but really until very recently, as children, saw siblings die, experienced both low level personal violence (getting in a physical fight), and saw high level personal violence. They wondered if they would eat when hungry, lived in societies with no freedoms, and had to work a lot more[i] than kids today.

Kids today are taught to blame all things on external factors, and to expect intervention. Delaying real life experience, delaying the real difficulties in life is more harmful in my opinion.

You have my attention. I hadn't realized how much I do this with my own teen until I saw my parenting in your writing. I jump in at the drop of a dime instead of giving guidance and encouraging her to find resolution. Thank you for opening my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Our ancestors experienced external factors which caused misery and suffering. The misery and suffering I and many others experienced in high school and college which lead to depression is a culture where individual achievement is valued above community, where people are unconnected to each other in meaningful ways, and status/money/intelligence is the currency. This culture can make one feel alone, especially if the love of the parent is viewed as conditional.

This explains why I've been in and out of therapy for 20 years. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Notice everyting is a projection of this being an external issue? "The school triggered" "be damaged," etc.

Our ancestors, and I don't mean just prehistoric, but really until very recently, as children, saw siblings die, experienced both low level personal violence (getting in a physical fight), and saw high level personal violence. They wondered if they would eat when hungry, lived in societies with no freedoms, and had to work a lot more[i] than kids today.

Kids today are taught to blame all things on external factors, and to expect intervention. Delaying real life experience, delaying the real difficulties in life is more harmful in my opinion.

You have my attention. I hadn't realized how much I do this with my own teen until I saw my parenting in your writing. I jump in at the drop of a dime instead of giving guidance and encouraging her to find resolution. Thank you for opening my eyes.

NP here. You can make your children resilient as long as you are a source of steadfast support and willing to spend the necessary emotional, mental and physical time with them. Many parents are either checked out or helicopter parents.

Be involved and supportive. Help them to set goals, become organized and work hard. Help them become resilient and find solutions to problems. Delegation of responsibility to children is something entirely different than dereliction of duty by parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your experience, and I know that's not enough. Wouldn't it be nice if therapists in this area would volunteer their time in our own schools to help within the community? That would be one way of starting to address the problem, this school, and I'm sure many others, just want to chase the problem away. One less thing to deal with I guess. So sad.

That's very big of you to suggest that others donate their professional time. How much of your work time do you donate?
Maybe, if we believe such services are needed, we should find a way to pay the professionals who provide said services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your experience, and I know that's not enough. Wouldn't it be nice if therapists in this area would volunteer their time in our own schools to help within the community? That would be one way of starting to address the problem, this school, and I'm sure many others, just want to chase the problem away. One less thing to deal with I guess. So sad.

That's very big of you to suggest that others donate their professional time. How much of your work time do you donate?
Maybe, if we believe such services are needed, we should find a way to pay the professionals who provide said services.

Actually quite a bit and have since high school, that's how I was raised and how we raised our children. You and your anger are a big part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your experience, and I know that's not enough. Wouldn't it be nice if therapists in this area would volunteer their time in our own schools to help within the community? That would be one way of starting to address the problem, this school, and I'm sure many others, just want to chase the problem away. One less thing to deal with I guess. So sad.

That's very big of you to suggest that others donate their professional time. How much of your work time do you donate?
Maybe, if we believe such services are needed, we should find a way to pay the professionals who provide said services.

Actually quite a bit and have since high school, that's how I was raised and how we raised our children. You and your anger are a big part of the problem.

No, PP is 100% right - not "angry". If we believe this is a problem in schools, then the school system should pay for it. And, as a parent, the last thing I would allow is for my child with depression, anxiety or mental illness to be counseled by a "volunteer". That is a HUGE liability for the school system. Mental health professionals need training and experience and guidelines from the aystem. Mental health patients need to be able to form long term relationships with their care providers.

BTW, if you have an argument to make on the merits, make it. Don't argue your case via personal attack by calling PP "angry". In doing so, you are just perpetuating mental health stigma. All of us parents of kids with depression or illness have heard it before - when we demand equal access to school for our kids we are told we are angry, or overprotective, or want our kids bubble wrapped or have to toughen up or are helicopters or too emotional or think our kids are special snowflakes or want too much money expended on us. No. Kids with mental illness have a legal right to a public education and if schools need to hire more qualified health professionals, then they have to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

Anxiety, depression, suicide is indeed a mental health issue and the isolation, pressure, loneliness, perfectionist mentality surrounding our children exacerbates the mental health issue. It's a medical and societal issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

A very insensitive comment to a parent who is going through hell right now. Not everyone can afford a "therapeutic school" or another setting. We're struggling with DC and the school setting but there's no way we can afford an extra $30-40K for private school. Even if we could afford, the logistics of one child in private school, and another one in public school plus two full time working parents would be very difficult for us logistically. Please try to understand other people's struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

+1

And mental illness originates where?
Nature vs Nurture
Sure, the inherented genes matter, but so does your early environment. Every child needs a primary caregiver who is stable, competent and loving.

Many little children aren't getting that anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your experience, and I know that's not enough. Wouldn't it be nice if therapists in this area would volunteer their time in our own schools to help within the community? That would be one way of starting to address the problem, this school, and I'm sure many others, just want to chase the problem away. One less thing to deal with I guess. So sad.

That's very big of you to suggest that others donate their professional time. How much of your work time do you donate?
Maybe, if we believe such services are needed, we should find a way to pay the professionals who provide said services.

You NEED $500/ hour? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

+1

And mental illness originates where?
Nature vs Nurture
Sure, the inherented genes matter, but so does your early environment. Every child needs a primary caregiver who is stable, competent and loving.

Many little children aren't getting that anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for your experience, and I know that's not enough. Wouldn't it be nice if therapists in this area would volunteer their time in our own schools to help within the community? That would be one way of starting to address the problem, this school, and I'm sure many others, just want to chase the problem away. One less thing to deal with I guess. So sad.

That's very big of you to suggest that others donate their professional time. How much of your work time do you donate?
Maybe, if we believe such services are needed, we should find a way to pay the professionals who provide said services.

You NEED $500/ hour? Why?

THIS is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

+1

And mental illness originates where?
Nature vs Nurture
Sure, the inherented genes matter, but so does your early environment. Every child needs a primary caregiver who is stable, competent and loving.

Many little children aren't getting that anymore.

Anyone?

Babies aren't born with "chemical imbalances" unless there was drug use in utero.

However, lack of stability, competence and love from the primary caregiver during the first three years of life can easily have devastating life-long consequences. That issue might be a hidden cultural epidemic, hence "The Hell of American Daycare".

But make no mistake. While early care at home is more likely to be stable, it doesn't guarantee anything if the care isn't competent and loving. Giving-in to your child's demands is NOT competent care. Children require consistency and help with learning healthy habits on a daily basis with loving and peaceful care. The craziness of the over-loaded lifestyle does not lay a solid foundation for healthy development.

The consequences of neglecting our children can indeed be devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

+1

And mental illness originates where?
Nature vs Nurture
Sure, the inherented genes matter, but so does your early environment. Every child needs a primary caregiver who is stable, competent and loving.

Many little children aren't getting that anymore.

Anyone?

Babies aren't born with "chemical imbalances" unless there was drug use in utero.

However, lack of stability, competence and love from the primary caregiver during the first three years of life can easily have devastating life-long consequences. That issue might be a hidden cultural epidemic, hence "The Hell of American Daycare".

But make no mistake. While early care at home is more likely to be stable, it doesn't guarantee anything if the care isn't competent and loving. Giving-in to your child's demands is NOT competent care. Children require consistency and help with learning healthy habits on a daily basis with loving and peaceful care. The craziness of the over-loaded lifestyle does not lay a solid foundation for healthy development.

The consequences of neglecting our children can indeed be devastating.

This is dangerously naive. There are siblings in the same family (with the same parents and early care in the home) who differ in their serotonin levels or the incidence of depression. You can have chemical imbalances in your brain even if your mom wasn't drinking while you were in utero. Where do we get these ideas?

Depression has a physical component -- the type of chemicals in and structure of the brain. They don't see the world as everyone else does. It isn't their mom or dad's fault.