Are we ready for the Thanksgiving Vent thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bedtime, so time for my mega vent:

My DH's brother is a massive narcissist who can't get along with anyone and threw a giant fit after dinner tonight for no reason. My DH is on edge and miserable all day because his brother is so awful. I can't stand him, I never want to spend another holiday with him.

My MIL is a perfectly nice lady but she just spent the last 40 minutes telling me about her bowel movements/constipation. I tried to escape the conversation four times. She found me in the bathroom where I was brushing my teeth to continue it. I am trying to be kind and supportive because she is also upset by her son's horrible behavior but also, I just cannot.

My MIL's dog is here, ancient, and farts CONSTANTLY. The den where we are watching football smells like rotting garbage because the dog is lying on the floor in here, just farting away.

My mom wanted to do a FaceTime with us since we aren't there, but she did the thing I hate where she just passed an iPad around so we could "say hi to everyone." In theory this is nice but in reality it sucks because we wind up having the same shallow conversation 14x plus randomly wind up talking to like my brother's girlfriend's dad who I barely know. Given that I'm having a crappy holiday anyway with my ILs, it just winds up making me feel lonelier instead of more connected to anyone. I would have rather had a 10 minute call just with my mom.

I stupidly went on social media to try and "relax" after a stressful holiday and instead, of course, it's just photos of other people having nicer holidays than I'm having. Now I hate these people too. Why do you have to rub it in?? You can't just enjoy your nice holiday devoid of jerk BILs, stinky dogs, and detailed info about your MIL's large intestine? You have to post a bunch of photos of it so everyone else knows? Be quiet.

I am grateful for my DH, our kid, my job, my wonderful friends, and my reasonably good health this year. But I am not happy and had a crappy holiday.

/rant

I am sorry Op. Similar situation here with BIL, ILs and missing my family.

PP here. It genuinely helps me to feel better knowing I'm not the only one struggling with stuff like this. I'm sorry you aren't having a great holiday, but I'm grateful for your comment.

I'm also just grateful for this thread. I appreciate the funny posts and the sad ones. I'm happy for people having nice holidays surrounded by loved ones (who don't have personality disorders) but can't hear about those right now. This thread is offering me some much needed community right now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

You are sexy without the man-boy. You can't fix him. Break up after the holidays, at the latest.

She is definitely not sexy. How hard is it to order a Thanksgiving meal? Geez. Do it for your BF and kids. I can't believe kids have to be subjected to pizza for every holiday.

If it's so easy, why can't the BF do it since he volunteered to take charge?

It sounds like he asked for input and she didn't give it to him. "Ham or turkey?" "Cook or cater?"

You are a broken record of ridiculousness. You hate women, don't you.

NP - I am on PP's side. I think HE will ultimately break up with her. Being in relationships means caring and providing things that will bring happiness to your partner and kids, not only thinking about yourself. Some of you in this forum seriously misunderstand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a huge thing, but I've had major medical issues this year. I’m starting to feel better, but I have strong food aversions as a side effect of meds. I normally cook Thanksgiving dinner and love it, bur this year im ki d of just offering my recipes ans small amounts of help.

The only thing I was looking forward to and feel I could stomach is pumpkin pie which my niece baked yesterday. The first one she baked came out weird (seems likely she left out an ingredient). DH went out to get ingredients again last night, and she baked it again
I was exhausted so went to sleep while it baked. This morning I discovered they had left it out on the counter...there is no way with my health issues I can risk eating it...but everyone else seems fine, and the oven is needed for other things today

The pie is fine. When you buy them at the grocery store they are not refrigerated. The darn thing cooks for 50 minutes, it’s safe to eat.

I'm immunosuppressed and spent several months barely able to leave my house. I'm not taking the risk.

It’s not a risk but keep being dramatic if it makes you feel better

Also DH should have just bought you a pie when he went out to get more ingredients for niece. Sorry you were sick but you seem to be wallowing in it. It reminds me of the Thanksgiving where SIL finally joined us after years of not coming only to pronounce at dinner that she had a pre cancerous spot on her gums she had removed.

Because the grocery store pie has fewer germs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up very different from me.
You know how you can tell you are at a Thanksgiving with Southern White old money?
Thanksgiving is at someone’s beach house with 9 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms……and the Dog show is on the big TV and they are drunk and can’t be pulled away from the dog show…

My husband’s brother and wife and boys get to stay with his parents at the beach house. Us? Nope. Husband married a girl from the hood who got 3 degrees from a top 10 school…..but I wasn’t what they approved of….not good enough. It’s sorta better now after 25 years..They warmed up to me after my daughter literally aced the SAT at 13. I guess my genetics weren’t “unfortunate” after all. Sorry. Still pissed about things said to me after marriage.

Vent over. Leaving in 18 hours……I don’t drink. Arrg.

So where do you stay and why didn't your husband say anything about staying at the 9 bedroom house?

We are in a hotel nearby. Husband will make excuses, but has gotten better about it.. If I point out things, he will snap and say it’s my fault for not something minor, like not agreeing to go to Thanksgiving 6 months in advance when I wasn’t sure if our daughter could come with us as she is in college. (Yes, these issues have caused marriage problems.)

Husband has been in therapy for years dealing with the damage from mostly his father. Husband wants to try to have a connection with his only sibling, his brother.
I have suggested he speak up about the clear favoritism of his parents and how it hurts him. Husband just says “We don’t need their money, and I don’t want it because it comes with strings.”

My brother-in-law married the typical Southern debutant. My husband’s parents are now best buds with brother-in-laws wife’s parents and they do things like take 3 month cruises together. Brother-in-law gets tons of “zero interest loans they can pay back when ever” It totals millions now. Us? Nothing.

Was he always less favored or only after he married you?

After marrying me. They are Christian Evangelicals. I am Methodist. Husband is as well…Oh, when we dated, they surprise visited my parents at their home 400 miles away and discovered O grew up in the hood. As I said, “unfortunate genes”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs sit in total silence. They speak to no one including their son and grandkids, unkess its answerin a question. Any and all socializing is torture for these people. I am indeed afraid that my kids have inherited this defect and as my husband ages he seems to be getting more like them.
My dad sits in blissful solitude because he "forgot" his hearing aids again.
My mom is telling my ILs various sob stories trying desperately to get a reaction or sympathy out of them. She will get nothing and end up tipsy on my deck, in tears, asking why I married into such a weird family.

My SIL’s kids don’t talk either. We see them all the time and they just play on their phones. My husband once cheerfully called out “so nice talking to you” as we were leaving. Their excuse is that Covid was hard for them, socially. It’s been five years. They should be able to converse with relatives.

I wouldn’t converse with rude, judgmental, snarky adults who are deliberately unkind, either. You’re a problem.

You’re wrong.

Any adult who would sarcastically chide kids who don’t want to be there in the first place is a jerk. I said what I said.

NP and mother of teens. I’m with you. Give them a break. What teen wants to sit around and talk with adults. None that I’ve ever known including myself when I was that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bedtime, so time for my mega vent:

My DH's brother is a massive narcissist who can't get along with anyone and threw a giant fit after dinner tonight for no reason. My DH is on edge and miserable all day because his brother is so awful. I can't stand him, I never want to spend another holiday with him.

My MIL is a perfectly nice lady but she just spent the last 40 minutes telling me about her bowel movements/constipation. I tried to escape the conversation four times. She found me in the bathroom where I was brushing my teeth to continue it. I am trying to be kind and supportive because she is also upset by her son's horrible behavior but also, I just cannot.

My MIL's dog is here, ancient, and farts CONSTANTLY. The den where we are watching football smells like rotting garbage because the dog is lying on the floor in here, just farting away.

My mom wanted to do a FaceTime with us since we aren't there, but she did the thing I hate where she just passed an iPad around so we could "say hi to everyone." In theory this is nice but in reality it sucks because we wind up having the same shallow conversation 14x plus randomly wind up talking to like my brother's girlfriend's dad who I barely know. Given that I'm having a crappy holiday anyway with my ILs, it just winds up making me feel lonelier instead of more connected to anyone. I would have rather had a 10 minute call just with my mom.

I stupidly went on social media to try and "relax" after a stressful holiday and instead, of course, it's just photos of other people having nicer holidays than I'm having. Now I hate these people too. Why do you have to rub it in?? You can't just enjoy your nice holiday devoid of jerk BILs, stinky dogs, and detailed info about your MIL's large intestine? You have to post a bunch of photos of it so everyone else knows? Be quiet.

I am grateful for my DH, our kid, my job, my wonderful friends, and my reasonably good health this year. But I am not happy and had a crappy holiday.

/rant

I am sorry Op. Similar situation here with BIL, ILs and missing my family.

PP here. It genuinely helps me to feel better knowing I'm not the only one struggling with stuff like this. I'm sorry you aren't having a great holiday, but I'm grateful for your comment.

I'm also just grateful for this thread. I appreciate the funny posts and the sad ones. I'm happy for people having nice holidays surrounded by loved ones (who don't have personality disorders) but can't hear about those right now. This thread is offering me some much needed community right now!

My sentiments exactly.

[Anonymous]

I feel horribly guilty but I'm hiding in my bedroom to GET THE EFF AWAY FROM EVERYONE.

I love my parents dearly, but my mother never met a silence she could not fill. I tried to sit down at the computer for the first time today and 2 seconds later there she is lamenting that she can't brave the mall today.

Three seconds later, husband shows up. He's immediately got the TV on blasting something no one is actually watching or cares about. Then he was just a dick to me for asking a benign question about how we are getting a TV channel for football tonight.

So I walked out and left the two of them together. She doesn't like my husband (which I understand. I don't like him very much either right now and sort of in general).

My teens are being moody. The older one went out barely dressed and was upset when I expressed that she should perhaps put clothes on. The younger one is being tolerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

You are sexy without the man-boy. You can't fix him. Break up after the holidays, at the latest.

She is definitely not sexy. How hard is it to order a Thanksgiving meal? Geez. Do it for your BF and kids. I can't believe kids have to be subjected to pizza for every holiday.

If it's so easy, why can't the BF do it since he volunteered to take charge?

It sounds like he asked for input and she didn't give it to him. "Ham or turkey?" "Cook or cater?"

You are a broken record of ridiculousness. You hate women, don't you.

NP - I am on PP's side. I think HE will ultimately break up with her. Being in relationships means caring and providing things that will bring happiness to your partner and kids, not only thinking about yourself. Some of you in this forum seriously misunderstand that.

You're 12 aren't you?

He's a lump. Caring and providing things for someone who wants things but can't figure their way out of a paper bag isn't anything to want. Her only problem is that she falls in line in this sick dynamic that too many men have been taught. Women were not put on this earth to baby adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Steak tips in a suitcase
How'd TSA let that one fly?
Salmonella in the sky!

- my own personal creation, not AI

PP said the bil was driving and even had a cooler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up very different from me.
You know how you can tell you are at a Thanksgiving with Southern White old money?
Thanksgiving is at someone’s beach house with 9 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms……and the Dog show is on the big TV and they are drunk and can’t be pulled away from the dog show…

My husband’s brother and wife and boys get to stay with his parents at the beach house. Us? Nope. Husband married a girl from the hood who got 3 degrees from a top 10 school…..but I wasn’t what they approved of….not good enough. It’s sorta better now after 25 years..They warmed up to me after my daughter literally aced the SAT at 13. I guess my genetics weren’t “unfortunate” after all. Sorry. Still pissed about things said to me after marriage.

Vent over. Leaving in 18 hours……I don’t drink. Arrg.

So where do you stay and why didn't your husband say anything about staying at the 9 bedroom house?

We are in a hotel nearby. Husband will make excuses, but has gotten better about it.. If I point out things, he will snap and say it’s my fault for not something minor, like not agreeing to go to Thanksgiving 6 months in advance when I wasn’t sure if our daughter could come with us as she is in college. (Yes, these issues have caused marriage problems.)

Husband has been in therapy for years dealing with the damage from mostly his father. Husband wants to try to have a connection with his only sibling, his brother.
I have suggested he speak up about the clear favoritism of his parents and how it hurts him. Husband just says “We don’t need their money, and I don’t want it because it comes with strings.”

My brother-in-law married the typical Southern debutant. My husband’s parents are now best buds with brother-in-laws wife’s parents and they do things like take 3 month cruises together. Brother-in-law gets tons of “zero interest loans they can pay back when ever” It totals millions now. Us? Nothing.

Was he always less favored or only after he married you?

After marrying me. They are Christian Evangelicals. I am Methodist. Husband is as well…Oh, when we dated, they surprise visited my parents at their home 400 miles away and discovered O grew up in the hood. As I said, “unfortunate genes”.

This is all crazy. I am sorry this is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs sit in total silence. They speak to no one including their son and grandkids, unkess its answerin a question. Any and all socializing is torture for these people. I am indeed afraid that my kids have inherited this defect and as my husband ages he seems to be getting more like them.
My dad sits in blissful solitude because he "forgot" his hearing aids again.
My mom is telling my ILs various sob stories trying desperately to get a reaction or sympathy out of them. She will get nothing and end up tipsy on my deck, in tears, asking why I married into such a weird family.

My SIL’s kids don’t talk either. We see them all the time and they just play on their phones. My husband once cheerfully called out “so nice talking to you” as we were leaving. Their excuse is that Covid was hard for them, socially. It’s been five years. They should be able to converse with relatives.

I wouldn’t converse with rude, judgmental, snarky adults who are deliberately unkind, either. You’re a problem.

You’re wrong.

Any adult who would sarcastically chide kids who don’t want to be there in the first place is a jerk. I said what I said.

NP and mother of teens. I’m with you. Give them a break. What teen wants to sit around and talk with adults. None that I’ve ever known including myself when I was that age.

Mom of teen who is very bad about talking to people. He is still obligated to put his phone down when at table and I make a point of asking him questions (if nobody else does) and making sure he participates in conversations. He is on his own when just lounging around the house but he has to do his part at the table

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW, YOUR DAUGHTER SURE LIKES TO SLEEP!
GRANDDAUGHTER SUREEEEEE LIKES TO SLEEP!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL SLEEP SO LATE!
GOOD MORNING, SLEEPYHEAD!
WOW, THERE SHE IS!

This nonsense goes on from 6 a.m. forward.

Same. We are not in that person's house today, but we hear this all the time when we are.

I'm adding this to my list of things never to say.

My dad used to say "She lives!" when I'd get up at like 9am on a holiday. So grating. I will never understand people who are resentful that someone is getting rest. Unless there are chores to be done and someone has an obligation or commitment to do them early, why do you care?

This gave me a flashback to my grandpa who loved to sleep in on the weekend. He’d roll out of bed at 11:00 and proclaim to everyone there “he has risen”. You always get a free pass to sleep in when you like to make your grandkids bacon and eggs at 11:00 pm the night before. Love you and miss you grandpa, the holidays aren’t the same without you ♥️

He has risen indeed! (in memory)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steak tips in a suitcase
How'd TSA let that one fly?
Salmonella in the sky!

- my own personal creation, not AI

PP said the bil was driving and even had a cooler

Yes the whole premise was that he is such a total moron that it makes her worry that his DNA is in her kids. Which, fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom always focuses on everyone’s body type and weight. She had already asked me how much three people weigh. I always say it’s rude but she doesn’t care. It is so annoying.

How on earth would you know how much someone else weighs? 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom always focuses on everyone’s body type and weight. She had already asked me how much three people weigh. I always say it’s rude but she doesn’t care. It is so annoying.

How on earth would you know how much someone else weighs? 😂

My MIL is this way, she comments incessantly on everyone's weight. It makes having even minor weight fluctuations stressful because I know she will clock it and then for the next three months be telling everyone she knows that I look like I recently lost or gained like 10 lbs. I feel bad for her because it's obviously because she also pays that kind of attention to her own weight and has her entire life, but also she is totally oblivious to how toxic it is and how it impacts others.

I have managed to get her to not comment on my DD's weight in front of her, but I have no control over what she says about DD when we aren't around -- I'm certain she's discussing DD's weight with everyone she knows. I hope this never gets back to DD but ugh, it might.