Come here if your in laws do weird crap at thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but we have a large kitchen with a lot of counter space and for some reason, my in-laws keep putting food (ingredients or finished dishes) right next to the sink. I would never do that - I'd be too worried it would get dirty while someone was washing their hands or dishes. In fact, earlier today, I was putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher and dumped out a mug that looked like it had a tiny bit of tea in it and put it in the dishwasher. FIL got so angry that he could not find his 1/4 cup of broth!

Also - my in-laws brought their own place mats because they don't like mine (which are just plain gray). WTF?

WTH with the placemats. That would bother just because of its weirdness. Are yours too nice and cloth instead of plastic so they're worried they'll stain them? I can't imagine any other reason for doing that. They must be full of oddness. Tell us more.

OP, nope, we have plain boring gray wipeable placemats. They brought colorful wipable placemats. I was told after the meal that they were a gift, so they're staying here.

They're actually not that odd other than stuff like this - they frequently bring their own kitchen items, and they bring their own food. They also bring all the leftovers/scraps of food from their kitchen that they are worried will go bad while they're gone. And then they take them with them when they leave if they haven't eaten them. I'm also the Splenda poster from the other thread . They're good people. My petty vents are truly petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

DP here. Sounds like its hard to ignore if the MIL is constantly talking about it.

She talks about it because she gets a response. If no reinforcement is provided, the behavior will stop.

Aww, you’re cute. No, it doesn’t stop.

[Anonymous]

The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

How does it stay? With a toothpick? Or the ham is super thin and you lay it on the seam? Trying to picture this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

You can’t control her behavior, you can only control yourself. I don’t give two shits what anyone else is eating, so I don’t pay any notice to bids for attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL walked past the chair I was sitting in and farted in my face. He pretended nothing happened. Beyond rude. I understand that older folks can’t control everything, but anyone CAN control saying “Oh, I’m sorry, please excuse me” versus acting like they didn’t just fart in someone’s face.

My FIL has loud, explosive farts into the powder room toilet after every family meal. I know he can't help it and its definitely triggered by eating, but its so gross and loud. In his own house he at least uses the master bathroom, but obviously not at our house or SIL's house.

My dad does this and announced that he had brought his own, "man-sized" wipes to our house because he was tired of using our dinky baby wipes. Thanks for the info....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

You can’t control her behavior, you can only control yourself. I don’t give two shits what anyone else is eating, so I don’t pay any notice to bids for attention.

+1. I deliberately don’t pay my MIL any mind at all when she’s doing that stuff. The second she stops talking, I move the topic on to a completely new conversation. Or I’ll talk about how delicious the food is and my daughters will pipe up, saying how much they enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last Thanksgiving my SIL came out of her basement and handed DH a white-and-gold wrapped gift. It was a wedding gift -- from when he married his first wife. Thirty freaking years ago. We have been together 20 and married for seven. Apparently it was a gift from some family member that gave it to her to give them and she never did? And after all these years she felt Thanksgiving with me sitting next to him was the perfect time to come hand it to him?

What was the gift? Did it survive the 30 year wait to be opened?

I have no idea. I pitched a fit and told SIL to put it back wherever it came from, and to keep it or throw it out.

If DCUM had been around 30 years ago I bet the gift giver would have been posting on here about how they weren't ever going to speak to DH and his ex again because they didn't get a thank you note for a wedding gift. And then someone on here would chime in about with "Are you sure they got it?" and a bunch of people would post and say "Of course they got it, people are just rude, go no contact." Lol.

I hope she saved it to present to him with his next wife the same way, and she if she (over)reacts like you. LOL.

Agree, the PP seriously overreacted. Like, the whole thing is ridiculous and funny, but why such a strong reaction to a gift from 30 years ago? It sounds driven by insecurity or defensiveness.

Plus, she robbed us of getting to know what the gift was!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And she will carve the turkey in the kitchen and barely put any turkey on the plate she brings to the dining room. Just why?

She wants to maximize the leftovers for herself

DP here - I actually think it is a control issue, DH and MIL both do this, as if to say "see, I told you we bought too much!!" Which sucks, because my family offers tons of food, everyone contributes, and food is not taboo. MIL has spent her entire life making herself "smaller", in countless ways - I just don't see the point in living that way. The food is a symptom of other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

You can’t control her behavior, you can only control yourself. I don’t give two shits what anyone else is eating, so I don’t pay any notice to bids for attention.

+1. I deliberately don’t pay my MIL any mind at all when she’s doing that stuff. The second she stops talking, I move the topic on to a completely new conversation. Or I’ll talk about how delicious the food is and my daughters will pipe up, saying how much they enjoy it.

Nice!

Same iwth when you are eating something (like when we all do our own lunch times) and someone pipes up "oh! that looks so good!" WTH am I supposed to say? Want a bite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

I don’t think most older women do this. I know a lot of older women and not one of them does this.