I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May I please retroactively submit a petty vent from Thanksgiving 2018? Great. Thank you.

DH and I proudly hosted our families - 23 total guests, ages 10-81. We carefully 3 adjoined tables in an L shape so we could all essentially eat together although one table spilled over into the (open) living room. I set a beautiful table. MIL sat down for the meal and first question to me was, “if money were no object, what room do you think you’d want to renovate first?” I was stunned and before I could say anything she added, “when I can’t sleep I dream that I won the lottery and I’m re-doing your house. I’d start with this (dining room) right here.”

Never change, Susan. Now MIL has a diagnosed cognitive deficit and so all previous nasty comments and remarks are to be viewed
as an early warning sign we missed…

Are you experiencing cognitive decline, because you’ve posted this exact story on DCUM at least three times. This is a NEW thread for petty vents this year.

I haven't read this one before. Perhaps you spend too much time on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this isnt TDay related, but I just remembered one time that my mom and her husband invited me and DH out to dinner. We were supposed to meet at the restaurant at 6, and got there at like 550. THEY HAD ALREADY ORDERED AND WERE EATING! Like wtf?? We werent late, they just showed up at like 5 and wanted to order? So we ordered and by the time our food came they were finished, and they just watched us eat.
So f-king bizarre.

That's hilarious. Maybe they forgot they had in ited you and DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws used to do this often when we were just starting out professionally and didn't work from home. They'd start calling around noon and tell us they were waiting on the porch when they knew we had to work until 6 p.m. and they'd been asked not to arrive until after 6 p.m. We were in a townhouse at the time so neighbors would message us as well, and eventually DH would have to leave the office and let them in and start the visit early. I get it. It's rude and annoying.

This is funny. My parents would use the opportunity to circle the house to create their list of things that we need to fix right away regarding exterior of home and landscaping.

Same. My dad would actually fix some stuff then ask me what exactly DH does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this isnt TDay related, but I just remembered one time that my mom and her husband invited me and DH out to dinner. We were supposed to meet at the restaurant at 6, and got there at like 550. THEY HAD ALREADY ORDERED AND WERE EATING! Like wtf?? We werent late, they just showed up at like 5 and wanted to order? So we ordered and by the time our food came they were finished, and they just watched us eat.
So f-king bizarre.

That's hilarious. Maybe they forgot they had in ited you and DH?

No, they said they got there early (likely anticipating traffic like OPs!). They haven't done it since, I think they noticed our pure shock and realized it was a bad idea.
Parents, man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are we sharing petty vents here?

My MIL just asked why I don't have a Christmas tree and nativity scene. It's because I'm Jewish. I've been with her son for 15 years.

Now she's rinsing wax out of her ear and her husband was encouraging her to collect it in one of our cups, while they do the procedure at our kitchen sink. Luckily she realized this was not the best course and now they are doing it into an empty plastic container in the bathroom. Phew!

Believe it or not I love my in laws but oh boy by day three of a visit I am ready to have my house back.

How on earth do you rinse wax out of your ears?? Im intrigued!

With one of these bottles with the nozzle attached: https://www.amazon.com/Ear-Wax-Removal-Tool-Tilcare/dp/B0865JJZ7K/ref=asc_df_B0865JJZ7K/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507467652717&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17510746394280063811&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012124&hvtargid=pla-1252746165983&psc=1&mcid=3bbeb30adfe03c7aab4aab3e1713b73a&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6vaqBhCbARIsACF9M6nk6ScIBpLiAJM6t2pz4jDbx2RTga6bEeg1Bp-1eRk0NIjpuDTXAsEaAgftEALw_wcB

I don't actually know why my MIL needed to catch the water and wax instead of just doing it in the shower. I didn't feel that asking questions would lead us in a helpful direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

DP. For me, it's about managing expectations and setting boundaries. My ILs expect me to conform to the gendered stereotype of 'wife' - meaning I'm responsible for the home and enabling their son (my DH) to be free from all cares regarding the home. That's not the way it works in our home where I've always been the primary breadwinner and have more demanding work.

I've learned from experience that if I were to even offer refreshments to my ILs while they're visiting, they will default to expecting/asking me for everything. They don't want to 'bother' their DS for things they associate a 'wife' attending to. They, and their extended family, are also judgmental. If the house isn't tidied/cleaned to their standard, it's my fault because I'm responsible for the home. It's no problem for DH to show up for a family event without bringing something but if I'm attending and don't bring anything (even though DH was told not to bring anything), I'm seen as poor mannered.

So, no, it's not hard to offer someone tea/snacks but, as it is so many times, it's not just[i] about the tea/snacks.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS AND ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are we sharing petty vents here?

My MIL just asked why I don't have a Christmas tree and nativity scene. It's because I'm Jewish. I've been with her son for 15 years.

Now she's rinsing wax out of her ear and her husband was encouraging her to collect it in one of our cups, while they do the procedure at our kitchen sink. Luckily she realized this was not the best course and now they are doing it into an empty plastic container in the bathroom. Phew!

Believe it or not I love my in laws but oh boy by day three of a visit I am ready to have my house back.

How on earth do you rinse wax out of your ears?? Im intrigued!

With one of these bottles with the nozzle attached: https://www.amazon.com/Ear-Wax-Removal-Tool-Tilcare/dp/B0865JJZ7K/ref=asc_df_B0865JJZ7K/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507467652717&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17510746394280063811&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012124&hvtargid=pla-1252746165983&psc=1&mcid=3bbeb30adfe03c7aab4aab3e1713b73a&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6vaqBhCbARIsACF9M6nk6ScIBpLiAJM6t2pz4jDbx2RTga6bEeg1Bp-1eRk0NIjpuDTXAsEaAgftEALw_wcB

I don't actually know why my MIL needed to catch the water and wax instead of just doing it in the shower. I didn't feel that asking questions would lead us in a helpful direction.

She couldn't have taken care of this at home, in her own house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are we sharing petty vents here?

My MIL just asked why I don't have a Christmas tree and nativity scene. It's because I'm Jewish. I've been with her son for 15 years.

Now she's rinsing wax out of her ear and her husband was encouraging her to collect it in one of our cups, while they do the procedure at our kitchen sink. Luckily she realized this was not the best course and now they are doing it into an empty plastic container in the bathroom. Phew!

Believe it or not I love my in laws but oh boy by day three of a visit I am ready to have my house back.

How on earth do you rinse wax out of your ears?? Im intrigued!

With one of these bottles with the nozzle attached: https://www.amazon.com/Ear-Wax-Removal-Tool-Tilcare/dp/B0865JJZ7K/ref=asc_df_B0865JJZ7K/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507467652717&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17510746394280063811&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012124&hvtargid=pla-1252746165983&psc=1&mcid=3bbeb30adfe03c7aab4aab3e1713b73a&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6vaqBhCbARIsACF9M6nk6ScIBpLiAJM6t2pz4jDbx2RTga6bEeg1Bp-1eRk0NIjpuDTXAsEaAgftEALw_wcB

I don't actually know why my MIL needed to catch the water and wax instead of just doing it in the shower. I didn't feel that asking questions would lead us in a helpful direction.

She couldn't have taken care of this at home, in her own house?

This. I'm nauseated just hearing about it by a venter on DCUM. If I had to witness it, holy christ on a cracker (sorry, another non-practicer here, like the DH). I think I would have just grabbed the keys and my wallet and gone straight to a hotel. I know that sounds dramatic but I really am that way with gross things in my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This tea and cheese indeed makes me laugh because i can imagine what the SIL is thinking...
In my family people are so worried about being an imposition that we bring bags of food with us when staying with family so as not to cause any expense or trouble. My aunt showed up with a tin of coffee, a tupperware full of hardboiled eggs, oranges and a loaf of bread "so she wouldn't be a bother."

Cheese lady here. Just FYI I always bring something for the hosts. Maybe I should start bringing cheese lol

No bigger tell that someone is a passive-aggressive jackhole than loling at their own comments.

"I'm complaining repeatedly about a situation where I'm in the wrong but I'm merry and adorable!"

"And everyone responding that I am being unreasonable for thinking (without explaining why) that my SIL is being 'funny' and 'eyeroll worthy' just can't take a joke"

[Anonymous]

Even Christians wouldn’t typically have trees or nativity scenes up yet for Thanksgiving. She’s really reaching to find fault with you. What a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even Christians wouldn’t typically have trees or nativity scenes up yet for Thanksgiving. She’s really reaching to find fault with you. What a piece of work.

Seriously, unless you're someone who keeps a small nativity out year round (some people do), Christians aren't putting them out pre-Thanksgiving. PP's MIL is being a pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bit off topic b/c it’s not related to T-giving, but my local MIL decided to stop by one day unannounced. DH and I were out on a walk. We came home to find she had let herself into our house and exclaimed, “I was so worried about you, I didn’t know where you were!” WTAF. And she was NOT elderly so no excuse there.

Yikes! How did she get in?

She had a key for emergency purposes. Which we did not “renew” when we moved a couple of miles away.

My MIL demanded a key each time we moved. The same week we went to settlement, she was there with her hand out and said “key.” I wish I had thought in advance to give her another key, one that does not work.

Oh HELL no.

+1. Once we gave my inlaws our garage code because we knew they were arriving when we were not home. Thereafter they started coming in through the garage even if we were home, and always earlier than we told them to come. The audacity! We have a front door! We promptly changed the code and thankfully have never needed to give it to them again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even Christians wouldn’t typically have trees or nativity scenes up yet for Thanksgiving. She’s really reaching to find fault with you. What a piece of work.

Seriously, unless you're someone who keeps a small nativity out year round (some people do), Christians aren't putting them out pre-Thanksgiving. PP's MIL is being a pill.

Or story is fake.

[Anonymous]

This is dumb and extremely petty but please don't make my children make crafts for their great-aunt who everybody hates and isn't even here. Better yet, don't redecorate my mantel with these crafts. I spent time on that mantel, it was perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is dumb and extremely petty but please don't make my children make crafts for their great-aunt who everybody hates and isn't even here. Better yet, don't redecorate my mantel with these crafts. I spent time on that mantel, it was perfect.

That’s not petty, but also…you need to stop using the word “make” and “redecorate.” No one can “make” your kids do anything that you don’t want them to do, and no one can redecorate your house without you allowing it. Grow a spine, open your mouth, and handle it.