Husband’s Announcement

[Anonymous]

I don't get it OP. Can't he just teach the kids his values, whatever those are? FWIW - I don't think kids are being "indoctrinated," but if he thinks that, you can certainly opt out of health/sex ed class and send your kids to Sunday school or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Yes his leaving is abandonment if you don’t keep having sex with him. But don’t worry, soon he will be having sex with someone else. His leaving won’t affect much except custody. You’d still have to buy him out of half the house and split assets. The kids would live with you during the school year and see him for all or half of summer and school vacations. Prepare for them to ask you why you didn’t follow him when he moved. Then later for the boy to ask to live with dad and his new wife and kids, since you are working all the time to pay for your new solo life anyway.

Hi, MRA troll! Glad to see you’re still so terrible at writing baseless fanfiction!

I’m a woman actually.

So? There are women MRAs. They’re pathetic, but they exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father here. I feel his pain — with my kids in local schools facing a remarkable level of unwanted indoctrination. But, he can’t just declare his desire and force change. I hope you and he can find some level of reasonable accommodation — for the sake of your children. But, again, the default is the current as-is and it takes a mutual OK to change…

I ended up pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling for a while until we found another school. What really killed me was that so much time was being spent on this social indoctrination and social emotional learning, but no one seemed to have time to spend with kids who were struggling with math or writing. So, they were going to school during the day where they were being taught social values, then coming home where I had to teach them how to do long division and read actual good books that weren’t free from scholastic or written by Dav Pilkey. It’s so backwards.

I live in Omaha, by the way. Dead center fly over country.

Thanks for this relevant post. /s

You can have Omaha. In fact, please stay there.

It’s relevant that this same issue exists in flyover country. You can’t move away from it.

No it's relevant that it only exists in your mind. Stop mainlining whatever right wing media source is feeding you this BS and return to reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father here. I feel his pain — with my kids in local schools facing a remarkable level of unwanted indoctrination. But, he can’t just declare his desire and force change. I hope you and he can find some level of reasonable accommodation — for the sake of your children. But, again, the default is the current as-is and it takes a mutual OK to change…

I ended up pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling for a while until we found another school. What really killed me was that so much time was being spent on this social indoctrination and social emotional learning, but no one seemed to have time to spend with kids who were struggling with math or writing. So, they were going to school during the day where they were being taught social values, then coming home where I had to teach them how to do long division and read actual good books that weren’t free from scholastic or written by Dav Pilkey. It’s so backwards.

I live in Omaha, by the way. Dead center fly over country.

Thanks for this relevant post. /s

You can have Omaha. In fact, please stay there.

It’s relevant that this same issue exists in flyover country. You can’t move away from it.

No it's relevant that it only exists in your mind. Stop mainlining whatever right wing media source is feeding you this BS and return to reality.

Because this is an anonymous forum I'll say this: I'm a bra-burning liberal and a single mom at that. So I have no time for Fox, OAN, or the rest of the propaganda-pushing arm of the RNC. But what PP said about teaching their kid long division at home has been my experience as well. I'm happy about social issues being folded into the curriculum and reflecting the changing electorate. I'm not happy about the fact that I have to teach my DD how to conjugate verbs, multiply fractions, or any other number of basic elementary school concepts at home but she's full of stories of this or that classmate who has declared that they are bisexual. My response is always the same: good for them. What else happened today honey? I don't make a thing out of it because it's not a thing. Also these kids are 10 years old so yeah, it bothers me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father here. I feel his pain — with my kids in local schools facing a remarkable level of unwanted indoctrination. But, he can’t just declare his desire and force change. I hope you and he can find some level of reasonable accommodation — for the sake of your children. But, again, the default is the current as-is and it takes a mutual OK to change…

I ended up pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling for a while until we found another school. What really killed me was that so much time was being spent on this social indoctrination and social emotional learning, but no one seemed to have time to spend with kids who were struggling with math or writing. So, they were going to school during the day where they were being taught social values, then coming home where I had to teach them how to do long division and read actual good books that weren’t free from scholastic or written by Dav Pilkey. It’s so backwards.

I live in Omaha, by the way. Dead center fly over country.

Thanks for this relevant post. /s

You can have Omaha. In fact, please stay there.

It’s relevant that this same issue exists in flyover country. You can’t move away from it.

No it's relevant that it only exists in your mind. Stop mainlining whatever right wing media source is feeding you this BS and return to reality.

I don’t listen to right wing media, and I am a democrat. I’m watching my kids come home with packets on how to control their anger when they are struggling with writing, and nothing to teach kids who are struggling with writing. You were just supposed to teach them yourself or hire a tutor or, just kind of, be fine with it. Because along with the focus on teaching values in school comes this kind of moral relativism, everything everyone does is okay, kind of attitude.
(Unless it’s something that the teacher doesn’t like. Somehow, school became like living with an alcoholic. Nothing adults do is ever wrong or bad, grades/performance don’t matter, your actual character doesn’t matter, and the only thing that matters is not pissing off the adults in front of you).

Anyway, maybe there is something on right wing media that I’m missing, but IMO, schools are not any better in flyover country.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure how it works in your state but in Colorado, my friend could not move until the child turned 18. Both parents had to remain in the state. In another instance, the mother remained in state but moved the kids five hours away, which was sad since the dad had a job in the original town and could not see his kids as easily.

I am with you, OP. I would not move. I also would not want to become dependent on someone like this, so I’d be keeping my job. Once he has you in another state, you might be stuck here and unable to move. And if you’d ant get a job, the court might not care. My friend had to remain underemployed until she was allowed to move away. Depends on the laws of the state.

When you told your husband you would move if he found a job that replaced both incomes, he probably heard “yes, go move and we will follow after you find a job.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father here. I feel his pain — with my kids in local schools facing a remarkable level of unwanted indoctrination. But, he can’t just declare his desire and force change. I hope you and he can find some level of reasonable accommodation — for the sake of your children. But, again, the default is the current as-is and it takes a mutual OK to change…

I ended up pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling for a while until we found another school. What really killed me was that so much time was being spent on this social indoctrination and social emotional learning, but no one seemed to have time to spend with kids who were struggling with math or writing. So, they were going to school during the day where they were being taught social values, then coming home where I had to teach them how to do long division and read actual good books that weren’t free from scholastic or written by Dav Pilkey. It’s so backwards.

I live in Omaha, by the way. Dead center fly over country.

Thanks for this relevant post. /s

You can have Omaha. In fact, please stay there.

You’re an idiot.

[Anonymous]

I was relocated to Florida from DC. There are some nice things about Florida but most people here are strange and it's really hard to make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father here. I feel his pain — with my kids in local schools facing a remarkable level of unwanted indoctrination. But, he can’t just declare his desire and force change. I hope you and he can find some level of reasonable accommodation — for the sake of your children. But, again, the default is the current as-is and it takes a mutual OK to change…

I ended up pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling for a while until we found another school. What really killed me was that so much time was being spent on this social indoctrination and social emotional learning, but no one seemed to have time to spend with kids who were struggling with math or writing. So, they were going to school during the day where they were being taught social values, then coming home where I had to teach them how to do long division and read actual good books that weren’t free from scholastic or written by Dav Pilkey. It’s so backwards.

I live in Omaha, by the way. Dead center fly over country.

Thanks for this relevant post. /s

You can have Omaha. In fact, please stay there.

It’s relevant that this same issue exists in flyover country. You can’t move away from it.

No it's relevant that it only exists in your mind. Stop mainlining whatever right wing media source is feeding you this BS and return to reality.

I don’t listen to right wing media, and I am a democrat. I’m watching my kids come home with packets on how to control their anger when they are struggling with writing, and nothing to teach kids who are struggling with writing. You were just supposed to teach them yourself or hire a tutor or, just kind of, be fine with it. Because along with the focus on teaching values in school comes this kind of moral relativism, everything everyone does is okay, kind of attitude.
(Unless it’s something that the teacher doesn’t like. Somehow, school became like living with an alcoholic. Nothing adults do is ever wrong or bad, grades/performance don’t matter, your actual character doesn’t matter, and the only thing that matters is not pissing off the adults in front of you).

Anyway, maybe there is something on right wing media that I’m missing, but IMO, schools are not any better in flyover country.

That is a good description of it although even though other areas say they are against this in practice I find the parents do the opposite. Anything but education is important and poorer areas end up making fun of those in power which actually degrades patriotism. So while I have the same issues as you do, I don’t think other areas are better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he wants to move to a more conservative area because of the influence on our kids. We do not have jobs there- he wants to just move and then find jobs once we get there. Our professional experiences don’t easily translate to areas outside DC. I told him if he finds a job where he makes the combination of his and my current salary then I would go. But I’m not just leaving a life and job here without something specific to go to in hopes of finding something.

I havent read the responses but it's worth noting that if you move to that state and establish residence and THEN get divorced, that will be your residence -- so he 'd be entitled to keep the kids there. so you could be stuck in a state without an income, his or yours, and there until they are old enough to decide where they want to be unless you want to move away frmo them.

Double check me but:

This is true it happened to my friend.

Same. Even worse: he moved the family from California to Utah. At 9 years and 10 mos into the marriage. Filed 6 mos after they arrived.

I couldn't believe she agreed to it.

What’s wrong w Utah? It’s pretty close to California. It’s a skiier’s paradise. It’s clean and safe. Park City schools are excellent. Tons of people want to move there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father here. I feel his pain — with my kids in local schools facing a remarkable level of unwanted indoctrination. But, he can’t just declare his desire and force change. I hope you and he can find some level of reasonable accommodation — for the sake of your children. But, again, the default is the current as-is and it takes a mutual OK to change…

I ended up pulling my kids out of school and homeschooling for a while until we found another school. What really killed me was that so much time was being spent on this social indoctrination and social emotional learning, but no one seemed to have time to spend with kids who were struggling with math or writing. So, they were going to school during the day where they were being taught social values, then coming home where I had to teach them how to do long division and read actual good books that weren’t free from scholastic or written by Dav Pilkey. It’s so backwards.

I live in Omaha, by the way. Dead center fly over country.

Thanks for this relevant post. /s

You can have Omaha. In fact, please stay there.

It’s relevant that this same issue exists in flyover country. You can’t move away from it.

No it's relevant that it only exists in your mind. Stop mainlining whatever right wing media source is feeding you this BS and return to reality.

I don’t listen to right wing media, and I am a democrat. I’m watching my kids come home with packets on how to control their anger when they are struggling with writing, and nothing to teach kids who are struggling with writing. You were just supposed to teach them yourself or hire a tutor or, just kind of, be fine with it. Because along with the focus on teaching values in school comes this kind of moral relativism, everything everyone does is okay, kind of attitude.
(Unless it’s something that the teacher doesn’t like. Somehow, school became like living with an alcoholic. Nothing adults do is ever wrong or bad, grades/performance don’t matter, your actual character doesn’t matter, and the only thing that matters is not pissing off the adults in front of you).

Anyway, maybe there is something on right wing media that I’m missing, but IMO, schools are not any better in flyover country.

I just posted about moving to Florida, the schools here are severely underfunded and it's about to get worse with the state allowing vouchers for unregulated charter school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has been asking me for the past year to move to a new state. We have 2 elementary school aged children, we have an established life where we are socially, and we both have great jobs. I like where we are and the life we have here. He wants to move to a more conservative area where we don’t know anyone and neither of us have a job. I have zero interest in moving. He announced during dinner last night that he is planning on going by himself to get set up and the kids and I can follow him soon after. This is the first time it has hit me that this might just be the end of our marriage. I know I need to find a lawyer, but what sort of legal advice should I be considering to keep my house and full custody of my kids? Wouldn’t his leaving be abandonment? What sorts of things should I be documenting?

Where are you now? Why does he want to move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he wants to move to a more conservative area because of the influence on our kids. We do not have jobs there- he wants to just move and then find jobs once we get there. Our professional experiences don’t easily translate to areas outside DC. I told him if he finds a job where he makes the combination of his and my current salary then I would go. But I’m not just leaving a life and job here without something specific to go to in hopes of finding something.

Go with him and don’t look back. The finances here are KILLING us and my husband won’t entertain a move even though he has a VERY portable job that can be done remotely. Even if he chooses to leave his company, he could get another job tomorrow, probably for more money. Our kids are grown and out and one is overseas and plans to stay and work there. The other two are all for relocating. You can make new friends, trust me, and with social media, it’s easy to make new friends. I’m secretly hoping my kids move out of the area.

My parents stayed where they were out of stubbornness and are now in their late 80s, flat broke, and still won’t consider moving. It’s not pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he wants to move to a more conservative area because of the influence on our kids. We do not have jobs there- he wants to just move and then find jobs once we get there. Our professional experiences don’t easily translate to areas outside DC. I told him if he finds a job where he makes the combination of his and my current salary then I would go. But I’m not just leaving a life and job here without something specific to go to in hopes of finding something.

This is bananas. And his unilateral decision is even more bananas.
See a divorce lawyer ASAP.

Replace conservative with liberal and you would be all over it - move with him, YEAH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it OP. Can't he just teach the kids his values, whatever those are? FWIW - I don't think kids are being "indoctrinated," but if he thinks that, you can certainly opt out of health/sex ed class and send your kids to Sunday school or something.

As someone who’s on the spectrum kid is now trans, I don’t agree with you.